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琢石成玉

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12701#
发表于 2012-5-26 00:39:03 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]th...

下面引用由[U]thankstoyilin[/U]发表的内容:

我跟谁都能过,不挑。


大石头就这姿态,他跟谁都能过。
问题是,谁都不能给你过。
凤姐和干露露除外。
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12702#
发表于 2012-5-26 06:22:32 | 只看该作者

re:每天这么晚都不睡,还讲什么调养身体。说你...

每天这么晚都不睡,还讲什么调养身体。说你老姐什么好呢。
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12703#
发表于 2012-5-26 09:40:48 | 只看该作者

re:不挑,一方面是自我非常圆满,对外界要求很...

不挑,一方面是自我非常圆满,对外界要求很少。
但也意味着,在婚姻里面可能会付出不够,不是说事情做得不够到位,而是情感上粘度不够,虚的部分付出就不足。

看完《豪斯医生》,我认为大部分男性在40岁以上都这样,过了生育周期,就更喜欢男男亲密关系了,对女性要求很低很低,也不愿意像对男性好友那样付出很多。(这里不包括那些永远对母爱不满足,没长大一直粘老婆的男性)

既然事实如此,对女性来说也要适应变化,一方面拉紧孩子的亲密度,一方面找女性团体娱乐。



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12704#
发表于 2012-5-26 10:25:39 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]th...

下面引用由[U]thankstoyilin[/U]发表的内容:

每天这么晚都不睡,还讲什么调养身体。说你老姐什么好呢。


得得,这腔调,就是大石头的翻版。
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12705#
发表于 2012-5-26 11:13:46 | 只看该作者

re:我说点正经的:乐妈恢复得比年轻妈妈还好,...

我说点正经的:乐妈恢复得比年轻妈妈还好,其中两点是有贡献的:我家生活作息很规律,膳食也合理。
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12706#
发表于 2012-5-26 11:22:57 | 只看该作者

re:昨天说服石头去洗牙。石头的感觉系...

昨天说服石头去洗牙。

石头的感觉系统和我们是有差异的。不能说是敏感型,但偏敏感。
比如触觉方面,小时候衣服后面一个标签,那会让他心神不宁,什么也干不了。即使到现在他也不会穿高领毛衣的,除非很松,而且是棉线的才行。给他买贴身穿的所有衣服裤子,真的是要考虑他的感受。
我曾经买了一床丝绸的被套给他,没想到他两天没睡着,第三天是在忍不住了找爸爸换掉。原来丝绸那种轻轻落下去的滑滑的感觉对他来说如坐针毡。
视觉方面,有些角度进来的光线是他无法忍受的,所以小学初中总是为在教室里要拉上窗帘跟同学有矛盾,我也试图改变他,带给石头很多的压力和痛苦。如果是现在我选择尊重石头的感受。
听觉,石头不会对声音的大小敏感,奇怪的声音他也无所谓。他受不了的是同时有好多声音,尤其是人们说话的声音,你一言我一语的,这个时候对他是折磨了,他无法提取信息了,继而会有些烦躁,需要离开这个环境去放风。现在的石头很会掩饰自己,一桌人吃饭,他会说我上个厕所,或者你们聊会,我出去看看附近还有哪些饭店。有时也会带手机玩,或者看书。
现在家里是5个人,这对石头是个考验。每次吃饭的时候,我们就会瞎聊,石头容易走神,眼都看向别处。也不怪石头,我们聊着聊着就说宁海话了,石头听不懂就更容易走神了。所以现在要求大家都说普通话,外婆的宁海普通话妈妈直译。
嗅觉,石头的嗅觉很敏感,尤其是腥味,他一点点就能闻出来,并且会做恶心状。我们现在不会逼他吃不想吃的海鲜的,尊重他的感受。

洗牙,对石头来说真的不容易,要忍受很多种不适的感觉,尤其是触觉。
石头自己去牙科医院实习过,对洗牙不陌生。
最近我们家在掀起爱牙活动,洗牙被提上议事日程。其实我和大石头都定期洗牙的,正因为自己洗过,知道对石头的挑战蛮大的。
我因为YY,口腔变得很敏感,对牙刷对牙膏都很敏感,几乎每天两次因为刷牙呕吐,所以刷牙就将就了,一口好牙搞得现在有些问题,都去补牙了,所以石头要洗牙也刻不容缓。
石头想逃避,今天推明天,明天推后天。但是昨天我说了就是最后的限期。
老大是前天洗的,可是他昨天凑热闹,非要说有个地方没洗干净,要抢在石头跟前再搞搞。其实让石头看着他洗没什么好处,只会增加他的紧张和恐惧。但是我有什么招呢。
等石头躺上去的时候,我看到他手发抖。医生很耐心,先做检查,说石头一口好牙,几乎没有结石,下牙有两个地方有,稍微弄一下就好了。感谢主,洗个牙还提供了ABA,一步一步靠近目标。
真的是几分钟就搞定了。
其实只要迈出第一步就好,消除了石头的紧张和恐惧感,石头下次就能接受了。


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12707#
发表于 2012-5-26 11:23:06 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][b]下面引用由[u]th...

下面引用由thankstoyilin发表的内容:

我说点正经的:乐妈恢复得比年轻妈妈还好,其中两点是有贡献的:我家生活作息很规律,膳食也合理。


这点我百分百相信。

我妹昨天也生了,我把老T的经验搬过去,她是肯定不听的,就要定台湾月子饭,就要。。。。
要不就是对不起自己辛苦一场。

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12708#
发表于 2012-5-26 13:13:01 | 只看该作者

re:小故事:1、春秋时期,楚王请了很...

小故事:

1、春秋时期,楚王请了很多臣子们来喝酒吃饭,席间歌舞妙曼,美酒佳肴,烛光摇曳。同时,楚王还命令两位他最宠爱的美人许姬和麦姬轮
流向各位敬酒。
   忽然一阵狂风刮来,吹灭了所有的蜡烛,漆黑一片,席上一位官员乘机揩油亲泽,摸了许姬的玉手。许姬一甩手,扯了他的帽带,匆匆回 到座位上并在楚王耳边悄声说:“刚才有人乘机调戏我,我扯断了他的帽带,你赶快叫人点起蜡烛来,看谁没有帽带,就知道是谁了。”
楚王听了,连忙命令手下先不要点然蜡烛,却大声向各位臣子说:“我今天晚上,一定要与各位一醉方休,来,大家都把帽子脱了痛快饮一场。”
众人都没有戴帽子,也就看不出是谁的帽带断了。后来楚王攻打郑国,有一健将独自率领几百人,为三军开路,斩将过关,直通郑国的首都,而此人就是当年揩许姬油的那一位。他因楚王施恩于他,而发誓毕生孝忠于楚王。

2、 《陈平忍辱苦读书》
陈平西汉名相,少时家贫,与哥哥相依为命,为了秉承父命,光耀门庭,不事生产,闭门读书,却为大嫂所不容,为了消弭兄嫂的矛盾,面对一再羞辱,隐忍不发,随着大嫂的变本加厉,终于忍无可忍,出走离家,欲浪迹天涯,被哥哥追回后,又不计前嫌,阻兄休嫂,在当地传为美谈。终有一老着,慕名前来,免费收徒授课,学成后,辅佐刘邦,成就了一番霸业。

3、王安石和苏东坡二人,因为立场不同,而产生了矛盾。后来有嫉恨苏东坡的人抓住他写诗讥讽朝廷和新法的事向宋神宗奏了他一本,宋神宗十分震怒,投入御史台大狱。 可就在所有人都认为苏东坡凶多吉少,难免一死的时候,退隐山林的王安石听到了这个消息,他非但没有记恨,还给写信对皇帝说,哪有国家正在用人之际,反而为些小文字惹的麻烦去杀那有学问才华的士子的道理呢?
神宗看了王安石的信,思之再三,觉得很有道理,便下旨将苏东坡放了,贬到一个偏僻的地方去做小官。因为这信,才使得苏东坡保住了性命。 从此,“王安石一言救东坡”的事,便成为历史上“文人相亲”的一段美谈。

4、三国时期的蜀国,在诸葛亮去世后任用蒋琬主持朝政。他的属下有个叫杨戏的,性格孤僻,讷于言语。蒋琬与他说话,他也是只应不答。有人看不惯,在蒋琬面前嘀咕说:“杨戏这人对您如此怠慢,太不象话了!”蒋琬坦然一笑,说:“人嘛,都有各自的脾气秉性。让杨戏当面说赞扬我的话,那可不是他的本性;让他当着众人的面说我的不是,他会觉得我下不来台。所以,他只好不做声了。其实,这正是他为人的可贵之处。”后来,有人赞蒋琬“宰相肚里能撑船”。

5、蔺相如因为“完璧归赵”有功而被封为上卿,位在廉颇之上。廉颇很不服气,扬言要当面羞辱蔺相如。蔺相如得知后,尽量回避、容让,不与廉颇发生冲突。
蔺相如的门客以为他畏惧廉颇,然而蔺相如说:“秦国不敢侵略我们赵国,是因为有我和廉将军。我对廉将军容忍、退让,是把国家的危难放在前面,把个人的私仇放在后面啊!”这话被廉颇听到,就有了廉颇“负荆请罪”的故事。

6、明朝年间,山东济阳人董笃行在京城做官。一天,他接到家信,说家里盖房为地基而与邻居发生争吵,希望他能借权望来出面解决此事。董笃行看后马上修书一封,道:“千里捎书只为墙,不禁使我笑断肠;你仁我义结近邻,让出两尺又何妨。”家人读后,觉得董笃行有道理,便主动在建房时让出几尺。而邻居见董家如此,也有所感悟,同样效法。结果两家共让出八尺宽的地方,房子盖成后,就有了一条胡同,世称“仁义胡同”。

7、我国足球名将容志行,在18年的足球生涯中,参加过许多次国内外大赛,始终保持着良好的体育风格。1981年,在与新西兰队的一场比赛中,他的左踝关节被对方球员踢开一个长6厘米的口子。他被抬到医院治疗,缝了10针。一个月后,在与科威特队比赛中,他两次被对方踢倒,造成伤口破裂。事后有人问他:“你为什么不发火,不报复对方呢?”容志行说:“对方已经受到裁判的制裁.观众的谴责和同伴的批评。他思想上也会有所触动,这样利于他改正。你 若以错对错,报复对方,反而会助长粗野行为。”容志行以自己宽容厚道.体谅他人.得理让人的品德和高尚的体育风格,赢得了广大球迷的爱戴.同行的赞赏以及议论的颂扬。

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12709#
发表于 2012-5-26 13:20:46 | 只看该作者

re:越越上个月完成第一次洗牙,并平生第一次补...

越越上个月完成第一次洗牙,并平生第一次补牙。

同喜一下。
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12710#
发表于 2012-5-26 17:34:06 | 只看该作者

re:说到肩周炎,我倒想起我父亲在五十多岁的时...

说到肩周炎,我倒想起我父亲在五十多岁的时候患过这个病,严重得很,两个胳膊都不一样了,一个变得很细。用了很多方法,都不管用。
后来我爸爸坚持每天早晨去广场锻炼,就是抡胳膊,晃肩什么的,或者抓住单杠锻炼几下。他自己也并非什么专业人士。但是就是每天坚持认真锻炼,治好了他的肩周炎。
千真万确,不打针,不吃药。后来每当我有什么毛病,父亲总是给我讲他的亲身经历,多锻炼。
方老师,你也这样试试,肯定会好的。
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12711#
发表于 2012-5-26 23:42:46 | 只看该作者

re:谢谢楼上分享。我现在每天都要做很多拉...

谢谢楼上分享。
我现在每天都要做很多拉手的动作,是医生指导的,包括单杠、爬墙等,再就是甩手。
针灸、按摩也进行着。我不怕针灸,以前失眠的时候成天去针灸,最多的时候浑身上下扎上60多针。本来按摩是很享受的,但这次治疗肩周炎的按摩实在是到了恐怖的地步,医生一定要找到你做一个动作时最痛的位置,然后让你保持这个动作他来压相应的穴位,我真的是想哭。
医生也说治疗肩周炎是非常痛苦的,但是医生必须这样做。
三天下来好了很多,晚上可以安生睡一会了。
医生也警告治疗起缓解作用,还是要靠锻炼来恢复功能,并且靠锻炼来保证不复发。
刚才趴着让大小石头帮忙做医生的揉、压、晃、拉动作,惨叫声让璐璐躲了起来。
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12712#
发表于 2012-5-27 07:01:19 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]方静...

下面引用由[U]方静[/U]发表的内容:

谢谢楼上分享。
我现在每天都要做很多拉手的动作,是医生指导的,包括单杠、爬墙等,再就是甩手。
针灸、按摩也进行着。我不怕针灸,以前失眠的时候成天去针灸,最多的时候浑身上下扎上60多针。本来按摩是很...

方姐受苦了,希望你早日康复。
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12713#
发表于 2012-5-27 23:38:23 | 只看该作者

re:璐璐昨天考完了。 说英语难度超出很多...

璐璐昨天考完了。
说英语难度超出很多,然后就一直郁闷着,我安慰没用,姑父安慰也没有用,弟弟去劝后倒是愈战愈勇,爬起来就继续背单词,好像能补考似的。
最乖的是劲儿,虽然才见了姐姐一次,但是清楚记得姐姐什么时候考试,头天打来电话给姐姐鼓劲,考完了又来电话询问和安慰,搞得璐璐激动得快哭了,说自己有弟弟缘,我看也是。
今天我、璐璐、石头三人陪我们的老乡去了乐从,那是专门卖家具和家居饰品的地方。
到处修路,结果导航失灵,去的时候绕圈,回来的时候导航对着一堵墙让我们右转玩穿越,回到家快半夜了。
石头今天表现很好,这两个月来母子终于可以很交心地交流,石头谈了很多自己的想法,妈妈也可以平静地告诉他妈妈的想法,我们可以彼此尊重,并力争一个平衡点。

姐对弟弟的帮助是无人可替代的,所以再次领悟同伴的重要性。
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12714#
发表于 2012-5-27 23:54:41 | 只看该作者

re:方姐,你这故事也太简单点了吧.都是古代人...

方姐,你这故事也太简单点了吧.都是古代人的还.
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12715#
发表于 2012-5-28 10:36:29 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]张雁...

下面引用由[U]张雁[/U]发表的内容:

方姐,你这故事也太简单点了吧.都是古代人的还.


雁子:你给整点难的?
      内容是要善待他人。
      古人的有个好处,让石头可以上网查相关的扩开看。
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12716#
发表于 2012-5-29 00:07:03 | 只看该作者

re:谢谢张雁推荐: JK罗琳2008哈佛...

谢谢张雁推荐:
JK罗琳2008哈佛毕业典礼演讲
President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers,
members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates,
The first thing I would like to say is "thank you." Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I’ve endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and convince myself that I am at the world’s largest Gryffindors' reunion
Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can't remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.
You see? If all you remember in years to come is the 'gay wizard' joke, I've still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals - the first step to self-improvement.
Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.
I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.
These may seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but bear with me.
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.
I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.
I know the irony strikes like with the force of a cartoon anvil now, but…
They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.
I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all the subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.
I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.
What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.
At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.
I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartache. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.
However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.
So given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.
You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working at the African research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.
There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.
Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those who they had left behind.
I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.
And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.
Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.
Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.
And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.
Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.
Unlike any other creature on this planet, human beings can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's places.
Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.
And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.
I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.
But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.
If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped to change. We do not need magic to transform the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of real trouble, people who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.
So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.

福斯特主席,哈佛公司和监察委员会的各位成员,
各位老师、家长、全体毕业生们:
首先请允许我说一声谢谢。哈佛不仅给了我无上的荣誉,连日来为这个演讲经受的恐惧和紧张,更令我减肥成功。这真是一个双赢的局面。现在我要做的就是深呼吸几下,眯着眼睛看看前面的大红横幅,安慰自己正在世界上最大的格兰芬多(沪江小编:以防有人没看过《哈利波特》……格兰芬多是小哈利所在的魔法学院的名字)聚会上。
发表毕业演说是一个巨大的责任,至少在我回忆自己当年的毕业典礼前是这么认为的。那天做演讲的是英国著名的哲学家 Baroness Mary Warnock,对她演讲的回忆,对我写今天的演讲稿,产生了极大的帮助,因为我不记得她说过的任何一句话了。这个发现让我释然,让我不再担心我可能会无意中影响你放弃在商业,法律或政治上的大好前途,转而醉心于成为一个快乐的魔法师(gay有快乐和同性恋的意思)。
你们看,如果在若干年后你们还记得“快乐的魔法师”这个笑话,那就证明我已经超越了Baroness Mary Warnock。建立可实现的目标——这是提高自我的第一步。
实际上,我为今天应该和大家谈些什么绞尽了脑汁。我问自己什么是我希望早在毕业典礼上就该了解的,而从那时起到现在的 21年间,我又得到了什么重要的启示。
我想到了两个答案。在这美好的一天,当我们一起庆祝你们取得学业成就的时刻,我希望告诉你们失败有什么样的益处;在你们即将迈向“现实生活”的道路之际,我还要褒扬想象力的重要性。
这些似乎是不切实际或自相矛盾的选择,但请先容我讲完。
回顾21岁刚刚毕业时的自己,对于今天42岁的我来说,是一个稍微不太舒服的经历。可以说,我人生的前一部分,一直挣扎在自己的雄心和身边的人对我的期望之间。
我一直深信,自己唯一想做的事情,就是写小说。不过,我的父母,他们都来自贫穷的背景,没有任何一人上过大学,坚持认为我过度的想象力是一个令人惊讶的个人怪癖,根本不足以让我支付按揭,或者取得足够的养老金。
我现在明白反讽就像用卡通铁砧去打击你,但...
他们希望我去拿个职业学位,而我想去攻读英国文学。最后,达成了一个双方都不甚满意的妥协:我改学现代语言。可是等到父母一走开,我立刻放弃了德语而报名学习古典文学。
我不记得将这事告诉了父母,他们可能是在我毕业典礼那一天才发现的。我想,在全世界的所有专业中,他们也许认为,不会有比研究希腊神话更没用的专业了,根本无法换来一间独立宽敞的卫生间。
我想澄清一下:我不会因为父母的观点,而责怪他们。埋怨父母给你指错方向是有一个时间段的。当你成长到可以控制自我方向的时候,你就要自己承担责任了。尤其是,我不会因为父母希望我不要过穷日子,而责怪他们。他们一直很贫穷,我后来也一度很穷,所以我很理解他们。贫穷并不是一种高贵的经历,它带来恐惧、压力、有时还有绝望,它意味着许许多多的羞辱和艰辛。靠自己的努力摆脱贫穷,确实可以引以自豪,但贫穷本身只有对傻瓜而言才是浪漫的。
我在你们这个年龄,最害怕的不是贫穷,而是失败。
我在您们这么大时,明显缺乏在大学学习的动力,我花了太久时间在咖啡吧写故事,而在课堂的时间却很少。我有一个通过考试的诀窍,并且数年间一直让我在大学生活和同龄人中不落人后。
我不想愚蠢地假设,因为你们年轻、有天份,并且受过良好的教育,就从来没有遇到困难或心碎的时刻。拥有才华和智慧,从来不会使人对命运的反复无常有所准备;我也不会假设大家坐在这里冷静地满足于自身的优越感。
相反,你们是哈佛毕业生的这个事实,意味着你们并不很了解失败。你们也许极其渴望成功,所以非常害怕失败。说实话,你们眼中的失败,很可能就是普通人眼中的成功,毕竟你们在学业上已经达到很高的高度了。
最终,我们所有人都必须自己决定什么算作失败,但如果你愿意,世界是相当渴望给你一套标准的。所以我想很公平的讲,从任何传统的标准看,在我毕业仅仅七年后的日子里,我的失败达到了史诗般空前的规模:短命的婚姻闪电般地破裂,我又失业成了一个艰难的单身母亲。除了流浪汉,我是当代英国最穷的人之一,真的一无所有。当年父母和我自己对未来的担忧,现在都变成了现实。按照惯常的标准来看,我也是我所知道的最失败的人。
那么为什么我要谈论失败的好处呢?因为失败意味着剥离掉那些不必要的东西。我因此不再伪装自己、远离自我,而重新开始把所有精力放在对我最重要的事情上。如果不是没有在其他领域成功过,我可能就不会找到,在一个我确信真正属于的舞台上取得成功的决心。我获得了自由,因为最害怕的虽然已经发生了,但我还活着,我仍然有一个我深爱的女儿,我还有一个旧打字机和一个很大的想法。所以困境的谷底,成为我重建生活的坚实基础。
你们可能永远没有达到我经历的那种失败程度,但有些失败,在生活中是不可避免的。生活不可能没有一点失败,除非你生活的万般小心,而那也意味着你没有真正在生活了。无论怎样,有些失败还是注定地要发生。
失败使我的内心产生一种安全感,这是我从考试中没有得到过的。失败让我看清自己,这也是我通过其他方式无法体会的。我发现,我比自己认为的,要有更强的意志和决心。我还发现,我拥有比宝石更加珍贵的朋友。
从挫折中获得智慧、变得坚强,意味着你比以往任何时候都更有能力生存。只有在逆境来临的时候,你才会真正认识你自己,了解身边的人。这种了解是真正的财富,虽然是用痛苦换来的,但比我以前得到的任何资格证书都有用。
如果给我一部时间机器,我会告诉21岁的自己,人的幸福在于知道生活不是一份漂亮的成绩单,你的资历、简历,都不是你的生活,虽然你会碰到很多与我同龄或更老一点的人今天依然还在混淆两者。生活是艰辛的,复杂的,超出任何人的控制能力,而谦恭地了解这一点,将使你历经沧桑后能够更好的生存。
对于第二个主题的选择——想象力的重要性——你们可能会认为是因为它对我重建生活起到了帮助,但事实并非完全如此。虽然我愿誓死捍卫睡前要给孩子讲故事的价值观,我对想象力的理解已经有了更广泛的含义。想象力不仅仅是人类设想还不存在的事物这种独特的能力,为所有发明和创新提供源泉,它还是人类改造和揭露现实的能力,使我们同情自己不曾经受的他人苦难。
其中一个影响最大的经历发生在我写哈利波特之前,为我随后写书提供了很多想法。这些想法成形于我早期的工作经历,在20 多岁时,尽管我可以在午餐时间里悄悄写故事,可为了付房租,我做的主要工作是在伦敦总部的大赦国际研究部门。
在我的小办公室,我看到了人们匆匆写的信件,它们是从极权主义政权被偷送出来的。那些人冒着被监禁的危险,告知外面的世界他们那里正在发生的事情。我看到了那些无迹可寻的人的照片,它们是被那些绝望的家人和朋友送来的。我看过拷问受害者的证词和被害的照片。我打开过手写的目击证词,描述绑架和强奸犯的审判和处决。
我有很多的同事是前政治犯,他们已离开家园流离失所,或逃亡流放,因为他们敢于怀疑政府、独立思考。来我们办公室的访客,包括那些前来提供信息,或想设法知道那些被迫留下的同志发生了什么事的人。
我将永远不会忘记一个非洲酷刑的受害者,一名当时还没有我大的年轻男子,他因在故乡的经历而精神错乱。在摄像机前讲述被残暴地摧残的时候,他颤抖失控。他比我高一英尺,却看上去像一个脆弱的儿童。我被安排随后护送他到地铁站,这名生活已被残酷地打乱的男子,小心翼翼地握着我的手,祝我未来生活幸福。
只要我活着,我还会记得,在一个空荡荡的的走廊,突然从背后的门里,传来我从未听过的痛苦和恐惧的尖叫。门打开了,调查员探出头请求我,为坐在她旁边的青年男子,调一杯热饮料。她刚刚给他的消息是,为了报复他对国家政权的批评,他的母亲已经被捕并执行了枪决。
在我20多岁的那段日子,每一天的工作,都在提醒我自己是多么幸运。生活在一个民选政府的国家,依法申述与公开审理,是所有人的权利。
每一天,我都能看到更多有关恶人的证据,他们为了获得或维持权力,对自己的同胞犯下暴行。我开始做噩梦,真正意义上的噩梦,全都和我所见所闻有关。
同时在这里我也了解到更多关于人类的善良,比我以前想象的要多很多。
大赦动员成千上万没有因为个人信仰而受到折磨或监禁的人,去为那些遭受这种不幸的人奔走。人类同理心的力量,引发集体行动,拯救生命,解放囚犯。个人的福祉和安全有保证的普通百姓,携手合作,大量挽救那些他们素不相识,也许永远不会见面的人。我用自己微薄的力量参与了这一过程,也获得了更大的启发。
不同于在这个星球上任何其他的动物,人类可以学习和理解未曾经历过的东西。他们可以将心比心、设身处地的理解他人。
当然,这种能力,就像在我虚构的魔法世界里一样,在道德上是中立的。一个人可能会利用这种能力去操纵控制,也有人选择去了解同情。
而很多人选择不去使用他们的想象力。他们选择留在自己舒适的世界里,从来不愿花力气去想想如果生在别处会怎样。他们可以拒绝去听别人的尖叫,看一眼囚禁的笼子;他们可以封闭自己的内心,只要痛苦不触及个人,他们可以拒绝去了解。
我可能会受到诱惑,去嫉妒那样生活的人。但我不认为他们做的噩梦会比我更少。选择生活在狭窄的空间,可以导致不敢面对开阔的视野,给自己带来恐惧感。我认为不愿展开想像的人会看到更多的怪兽,他们往往更感到更害怕。
更甚的是,那些选择不去同情的人,可能会激活真正的怪兽。因为尽管自己没有犯下罪恶,我们却通过冷漠与之勾结。
我18岁开始从古典文学中汲取许多知识,其中之一当时并不完全理解,那就是希腊作家普鲁塔克所说:我们内心获得的,将改变外在的现实。
那是一个惊人的论断,在我们生活的每一天里被无数次证实。它指明我们与外部世界有无法脱离的联系,我们以自身的存在接触着他人的生命。
但是,哈佛大学的2008届毕业生们,你们多少人有可能去触及他人的生命?你们的智慧,你们努力工作的能力,以及你们所受到的教育,给予你们独特的地位和责任。甚至你们的国籍也让你们与众不同,你们绝大部份人属于这个世界上唯一的超级大国。你们表决的方式,你们生活的方式,你们抗议的方式,你们给政府带来的压力,具有超乎寻常的影响力。这是你们的特权,也是你们的责任。
如果你选择利用自己的地位和影响,去为那些没有发言权的人发出声音;如果你选择不仅与强者为伍,还会同情帮扶弱者;如果你会设身处地为不如你的人着想,那么你的存在,将不仅是你家人的骄傲,更是无数因为你的帮助而改变命运的成千上万人的骄傲。我们不需要改变世界的魔法,我们自己的内心就有这种力量:那就是我们一直在梦想,让这个世界变得更美好。
我的演讲要接近尾声了。对你们,我有最后一个希望,也是我21岁时就有的。毕业那天坐在我身边的朋友现在是我终身的挚交,他们是我孩子的教父母,是在我遇到麻烦时愿意伸出援手,在我用他们的名字给哈利波特中的 “食死徒”起名而不会起诉我的朋友。我们在毕业典礼时坐在了一起,因为我们关系亲密,拥有共同的永远无法再来的经历,当然,也因为假想要是我们中的任何人竞选首相,那照片将是极为宝贵的关系证明。
所以今天我可以给你们的,没有比拥有知己更好的祝福了。明天,我希望即使你们不记得我说的任何一个字,你们还能记得哲学家塞内加的一句至理明言。我当年没有顺着事业的阶梯向上攀爬,转而与他在古典文学的殿堂相遇,他的古老智慧给了我人生的启迪:
生活就像故事一样:不在乎长短,而在于质量,这才是最重要的。
我祝愿你们都有美好的生活。
非常感谢大家。

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12717#
发表于 2012-5-29 00:25:48 | 只看该作者

re:更女得了肩周炎,真的是变得很脆弱。今...

更女得了肩周炎,真的是变得很脆弱。
今天跟璐璐说,每次医生治疗和我自己做功能性恢复锻炼的时候,就想不如在产床上的四个小时。因为那个时候虽然很痛,也很紧张,但是你心里清楚你能挨过去的,而起挨到了就是极大极大地喜乐。而现在你每天如同被杀猪,一天杀好几次,也不知道什么时候能完结,太可怜了。
而此时此刻,大石头说的最多的就是:最重要的就是锻炼。如果你坚持锻炼三个月,你药都不用吃,什么病都会没有的。
也不知道那些著名的运动员为什么还会得YY,并且还浑身是伤的。
此时我需要的是安慰。
是在气不过,也说不过,我就开始哭,几乎每天哭好几次。有时是默默躲进书房掉泪,有时是边吃饭边掉泪,有时只坐车里哭。
我私下找石头,让他和大石头谈谈,不要刺激我了。
石头说也谈过,但是好像作用不大。
那天我实在受不了蜜蜂嗡嗡声了,我让石头找机会帮我指责老大一下。
等石头回家,我问指责了没有,石头说没找到机会,一定再找机会。
吃饭了,蜜蜂又开始嗡嗡。
我在桌子底下踢了石头一下。
小子明白了,看看我,也抬头看看对面的老大。
我继续踢一脚。
小子终于开口说:爸爸,我想了很久,做出一个决定。
什么决定?
我找女朋友的时候一定要和对方说:你必须要忍受我妈妈的脾气。既然你爱我,你就要对我妈妈好,否则你就是不爱我。
我半天没有明白石头的意思,看对桌的璐璐挤眉弄眼地坏笑我也没明白。
这两天一直琢磨着 。
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12718#
发表于 2012-5-29 10:49:44 | 只看该作者

re:我前段时间天天生病,药当饭吃,我跟我哥说...

我前段时间天天生病,药当饭吃,我跟我哥说,心情糟透了。哥就说你只有锻炼,要不然会恶性循环,吃药不是办法。于是我听了哥哥的话,下定决心锻炼,虽然早上上班要起早,我们学校差不多6:30就要到校,所以我必须5:50分就起床,然后跳绳700下,再仰卧起坐,下蹲等锻炼好,再洗澡,去学校。晚上也一样锻炼。果然身体感觉不一样,晚上睡得着。平时一有风吹草动就感冒,现在不会了。这样我坚持锻炼了快两个月了。开始哥哥就说,锻炼是要坚持的,不能半途而废。我说我现阶段会坚持的,以后也许偷懒不会锻炼了。
我想哥哥这样要求我,也这样要求嫂子,都是因为爱我们,他希望我们锻炼能有个健康的身体,开始是很痛苦的,慢慢地习惯了就会好点的。真的,嫂子。
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12719#
发表于 2012-5-29 12:03:01 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]石剑...

下面引用由[U]石剑琴[/U]发表的内容:

我前段时间天天生病,药当饭吃,我跟我哥说,心情糟透了。哥就说你只有锻炼,要不然会恶性循环,吃药不是办法。于是我听了哥哥的话,下定决心锻炼,虽然早上上班要起早,我们学校差不多6:30就要到校,所以我必须...



但愿你们长命百岁!
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12720#
发表于 2012-5-29 12:27:16 | 只看该作者

re:心疼方姐姐!抱抱!~看到这段歌词...

心疼方姐姐!抱抱!~

看到这段歌词,送给您:

忍耐好像真的很重要
但是有件事情更重要
当你没有了依靠
至少要对自己好
流点眼泪有什麽大不了

你如果想哭就大声哭吧
反正我们都是一出生就在哭啊
你如果想叫就大声叫别害怕
哭完就好呜~~~

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