种瓜得瓜－－在美国跟Lovaas作ABA

melon

Been so busy lately and haven't been able to visit her for awhile. Only have a few minutes, so I'll type in English too. Sorry!

Good to meet you, 宝贝贝mom -- another mom in the States. 20 hr ABA is not bad, you can always supplement a few more here and there when you spend time with your son. It could be very hard initially for working moms, but try to spend more time with him and let ABA be part of your life style.

Prompting has been very helpful for Melon to talk, and there are a lot of different prompting. Verbal (from most intrusive to most subtle) and non-verbal (Pictures, gesture etc) are both helpful, depends on the child's level and level of prompting needed. And one other important thing to keep in mind is, don't let your child solely rely on prompting, since the purpose of prompting is to help his spontaneous language. To do this, only prompt to the level that the child needs (experience plays a big role here), and try to use non-verbal prompt if possible. It is said non-verbal prompt is easier to fade than verbal ones.

It is the best if you can observe some experienced professionals to do prompting with your child first (so you learn from them about the technique). That way you don't have to go through try and error, which can cause a lot of frustration.

And also, don't just look at language. Communication is the key, and language is not the only way to communicate. Many of our kids still lack non-verbal communication skills even if their language are sufficient. So while you are working hard on the language piece, don't overlook other components either.

Melon's Mom

下面引用由宝贝贝发表的内容：

Sorry for typing in english. it is much faster.
I also live in US with a 4 year old autism son. He ...

宝贝贝

Dear Melon,
Thanks for your email. I also noticed my son does well with sign language, and I am trying to incorporate it to daily life every day. Just seems his progress is very slow. I also do some aba with him. The lovaas therapists are very supportive and shared their speech development assessment and strategies with me as well. I found sometimes little tips work pretty well.

By the way, I met with kwenma at the DAN conference last weekend. It was quite nice.I could not attend the whole meeting because my son was sick, but I ordered the whole meeting cd package, and that should be useful.

My son has also been seeing DAN doctors but we have not made up our mind to do chelation yet. We are a bit conservative about the potential kidney or liver damage. He is on GFCF diet for a year already.

I do not have grandparents to help out, and it is very hard to attend meetings and trainings. You mentioned you watched floortime and RDI training DVD. Will you share where I can watch them? I would like to try floortime too.

For your son's level, he could probably benefit from the book called "teach me language". (it is for more language advanced kids) this is kind of like the bible for specialists.

if you prefer email, my email address is katiehong2000@yahoo.com

太阳之木

能不能帮忙介绍一下开始进行的项目,谢谢,我的儿子3岁半了,练习了一些项目,目光对视(10秒以上),模仿动作和搭积木(5块),卡片配对,分类(颜色,形状),简单指令,这些项目基本都可以掌握,只是有时情绪不好会不配合,可以提简单要求,认一些水果和日常用品,数数(1-10),目前不知到该怎样进行下去,前一段试了一下卡片换物,很快就可以从6个卡片中拿出想要的,由于已经有语言,就没继续坐了,觉得他训练时还是坐不住,还是要有爱吃的东西才行,还是有摆一排的习惯,能不能给我一些建议,谢谢

melon

写在这里以便有兴趣的家长察看 －－

我们州有个特殊图书馆专门给有特殊需要的家庭办的，那里面有不少资料（其中包括ZB)，包括书，录像等。如果有兴趣，就可以给他们打电话，他们给邮寄过来（因为不在一个城市）。还的时候我给寄回去。像地板时光，RDI这样的录像动辄上千，能够免费借阅真是最理想了。当然有时难免要等待，因为很多家庭都想借同样的资料。

在这种时候，真是觉得自己每年大把的税钱没有白交，至少有的还是用到正处了。我觉得其他州应该也有类似的地方，不妨打听一下。

下面引用由宝贝贝发表的内容：
You mentioned you watched floortime and RDI training DVD. Will you share where I can watch them? I would like to try floortime too.

melon

太阳妈妈，不知你在国内还是国外。我以前给很多国外的妈妈推荐过这本书 ‘A Work in Progress', 是英文的，写得不错，而且最主要里面有很多具体的项目你可以照着做。不清楚有没有中文翻译本。

另外这里有好几个宝宝都是３岁半左右，像考拉，kwen, 文文（不到３岁吧）, 女儿是天使等等，经常来这里看看也会有很多启发和收获。

因为我全职工作，所以我一般比较注意找好的专业人士帮忙，这样可以弥补我时间有限的问题，而且天天跟孩子上课真不是件轻松的事情。

下面引用由太阳之木发表的内容：

能不能帮忙介绍一下开始进行的项目,谢谢,我的儿子3岁半了,练习了一些项目,目光对视(10秒以上),模仿动作和搭积木(5块),卡片配对,分类(颜色,形状),简单指令,这些项目基本都可以掌握,只是有时情绪...

melon

甜瓜小时候是个很passive的孩子。２，３岁时玩玩具，别人给抢走了不知道抢回来，无所谓。我们曾经做过很长一段时间的各种assertiveness (自信;魄力)项目 －－ 故意把他的玩具抢走，让他一边说’是我的玩具，还给我‘，一边抢回来。他的语言治疗师以前还总是跟我说，希望哪天能看到甜瓜’fire up'.

大约从６－９个月前吧，甜瓜越来越fire up（翻译成厉害，反抗吗？好像不完全恰当）了。从别人手里抢玩具，大声抗议，如果哪个孩子对他不友好，大叫’我不喜欢你，我不要跟你玩‘等等。有点矫枉过正了，于是赶快又开始教’分享sharing, 保护别人的感情don't hurt other people's feeling etc'.

前３个星期左右吧，行为问题越来越多，尤其是在家里。想吃雪糕没有买，就大叫‘妈妈我恨你’，接下来还要拿拳头打我。想画画但没有拿到画笔（因为还没到画画的时候），跟他的ABA老师说‘你站着别动’，然后就拿脚踢她！下午从幼儿园回家路上就一定要去买匹萨吃，没有答应（因为姥姥在家做了饭）就哭闹，回家大喊‘我不要吃米饭，我不要见姥姥，姥姥你走！’ 虽然知道是孩子不懂事，但日日为甜瓜操劳的姥姥听了还是不舒服。

那天甜瓜语言师来家里。前５０分钟甜瓜表现极好，跟着她一个一个项目做，无论是语言，目光对视，关注力都很好。后来１０分钟是她写报告和跟我谈话的时间，甜瓜就去厨房找姥姥了。不久就传来甜瓜的叫声‘不，我就要做，我现在就要做蛋糕！’ 不用说，这小子自说自话又要开干了。我赶紧过去－－
先是跟他讲道理，跟他商量可不可以晚上吃完饭和妈妈一起做。 不行，还闹。
然后试图注意力转移， 让他去看卡通片或者去画画。未果，依旧哭闹。
最后严肃跟他说‘现在不可以做’。他一边问‘如果我现在做会怎么样？‘，一边继续哭闹和我抢糖瓶子。

甜瓜的语言治疗师把糖瓶子拿过去，表情严肃（但不严厉），声音不大（但很肯定）地说’甜瓜，现在我们不做蛋糕。就是这样。’ 甜瓜一下子有点懵了，看看我也没有一点要帮他的意思，讪讪地跑到厨房去跟姥姥诉苦‘姥姥，谁谁把我的糖瓶子拿走了。’ 姥姥说那你看电视吧，人家乖乖就去了。

事后又跟甜瓜的语言治疗师谈这事，让我吃惊的是，她说其实她很高兴看到甜瓜这样，因为在整个过程中，甜瓜一直在想怎么引起我的注意（我不理他的时候，他捧着我的脸说‘妈妈，看着我！’），这绝对是一个正常孩子在想做什么事情而得不到满足时的表现。（当然，正常的５岁孩子要比这个懂事多了。）但是，我们没有做任何事情来教他这样，他自己自然而然地在经历别的孩子曾经经历的过程，这说明他在自己发展这些技能。这是个好事。

后来又和我们的ABA consultant谈这个事情。他说这至少是他第３次看到像甜瓜这样水平的孩子，在其他项目不断进步的情况下，出现这样的行为问题。他提出的策略也大致相似 －－

解释以寻找其他方法
告诉他不可以
忽视他

最重要的一点就是要前后一致。就是说如果你说‘不’就是’不‘。不能因为孩子的哭闹就把’不‘改成‘可以’。Behavior tends to get worse before it gets better, 这句话真是千真万确的，无论对正常还是我们的孩子都一样。

最近几天情形好了不少（敲敲木头）。昨天超级听话，回家路上跟我说’Execuse me mommy, can I have some spagatti when we get home? I am so hungry!' 那有什么好说的，回家赶快做了。人家吃了一大碗，然后才吃的雪糕。

niuniuma

Melon, Glad to see you finally get a break from your busy work.

<<A work in progress>>: Is this a suitable book for kids 5yr old and above? Too many ABA books to read, trying to find a best one!

You mentioned that one of the goals of this year is to have one playdate per week. How did it go? Can you share your ideas how you arrange the themes for playdate?

melon

NiuniuMa,

A work in Progress is talking about ABA approach which includes many programs you can use for home program. Based on what I read from your posts, Niuniu is well above that level for most programs.

Shame on me, the play date hasn't been done as many as I have hoped for -- it's really hard to coordinate time for kids to get together over the weekend, especially for our working families. Melon does get at least 1 hr/day of free play at school with peers with the aide's help, so in a sense, that reduce my pressure of play date since the purpose/function is about the same.

For the past play dates we have done, usually we have them together for about 1-1.5 hours. It's usually good to do one-on-one play date first before you invite multiple peers over. I usually pick a few activities that both of them like, and are good for coordinated play/language exchange/giving each other directions etc. Since Melon really enjoys cooking, we did quite a few cooking play date (making pizza, apple pie, cake etc), and when we were waiting for the cake the bake for instance, we'll do some other activities like play board game,  paint a picture together etc. And I usually do a snack at the end.

Make sure both kids enjoy the play date, not just our child. And I always stand by to facilitate -- so it's a big commitment on my part too.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

Melon's mom

下面引用由niuniuma发表的内容：

Melon, Glad to see you finally get a break from your busy work.

<<A work in progress>>: Is this a...

kwenma2

下面引用由melon发表的内容：

甜瓜小时候是个很passive的孩子。２，３岁时玩玩具，别人给抢走了不知道抢回来，无所谓。我们曾经做过很长一段时间的各种assertiveness (自信;魄力)项目 －－ 故意把他的玩具抢走，让他一...

"前３个星期左右吧，行为问题越来越多，尤其是在家里。想吃雪糕没有买，就大叫‘妈妈我恨你’，接下来还要拿拳头打我。想画画但没有拿到画笔（因为还没到画画的时候），跟他的ABA老师说‘你站着别动’，然后就拿脚踢她！下午从幼儿园回家路上就一定要去买匹萨吃，没有答应（因为姥姥在家做了饭）就哭闹，回家大喊‘我不要吃米饭，我不要见姥姥，姥姥你走！’ 虽然知道是孩子不懂事，但日日为甜瓜操劳的姥姥听了还是不舒服。"

呵呵，又一个相像之处，这也是我们小子最近一个多月的经历写真。生气时，还会叫老师“SHUT UP”， 叫“奶奶回中国”， 说“某某老师MEAN”等等。但是当我咨询几个老师，她们都说这是孩子发展的阶段，孩子在发展阶段想证实自己时，有两个阶段会比较极端一点。一个是3-4岁，一个是10多岁时。她们都觉得这并不是什么坏事，反而是好事。关键是我们如何控制他们的行为问题。其实很多时候对我们小子是他的交流能力还有限，所以没有说明原因，只想要东西等等。所以这个时候最重要的是要跟他来来回回的沟通，讲道理，要平静，不能情绪化，这样他很可能被说通。

melon

你家这个现在才３岁多，出现这些问题正是时候，说明他的发育已经和正常孩子差不多了。真是不错！

下面引用由kwenma2发表的内容：

"前３个星期左右吧，行为问题越来越多，尤其是在家里。想吃雪糕没有买，就大叫‘妈妈我恨你’，接下来还要拿拳头打我。想画画但没有拿到画笔（因为还没到画画的时候），跟他的ABA老师说‘你站着别动’，然后就拿...

kwenma2

下面引用由melon发表的内容：

头痛啊！奶奶，爷爷都管不住他。爸爸在这次我出去开会期间接手，好象刚摸出点门道。好象他只服我管。还不要奶奶告状。老师已经“得罪”了3个了。不过这些老师还挺负责的，我后来跟她们EMAIL讨论，大家还很积极，拿出一些措施。当然不同的老师拿出的措施不一样，ABA是ABA的方案，地板时光是地板时光的方案，后来我把她们俩串在一块，她们去统一。

melon

What is 地板时光的方案? I'll love to hear that too...

下面引用由kwenma2发表的内容：

头痛啊！奶奶，爷爷都管不住他。爸爸在这次我出去开会期间接手，好象刚摸出点门道。好象他只服我管。还不要奶奶告状。老师已经“得罪”了3个了。不过这些老师还挺负责的，我后来跟她们EMAIL讨论，大家还很积极...

kwenma2

下面引用由melon发表的内容：

talking about his feeling, back and forth talking about the reason why he wants to do in that way, helping him to find out the possible solutions,( of course, sometimes there's limits setting up), etc... But there's no ignore in the floortime. It thinks any time that's a chance for engagement and communications. :-)

melon

Does KWen also like to ask the same question, or ask question that he knows the answer already? We ignore Melon when he does that, e.g. if we said 'no' for something that he can't do, he could be keep asking 'What happens if I do such and such?' That's about the only situation I've been through for ignoring.

What would you think the floor time professional will do in this situation?

下面引用由kwenma2发表的内容：

talking about his feeling, back and forth talking about the reason why he wants to do in that way, h...

我有希望

MELON妈妈,MELON的情况真是不错,好像和我见过的5岁的孩子真没有什么不一样. 我女儿前几天才过完了5岁生日,我女儿也有你谈到的那种情况,最多发生在商场里有玩的东西,我和LG买完东西了,就叫女儿一起走,女儿坐在那玩不肯走,LG又太软,所以只好我出场了.结果我把女儿拉到角落,然后训了一顿,结果女儿头也不回的跑到LG那里,看着LG,手指着我,DAD,I DON'T WANT MUMMY.要是在家里还好一些,在商场里,真是尴尬.

melon

听上去你女儿进步也很大呢！

甜瓜比起同龄孩子，还是很不成熟。同龄的孩子有时即使不高兴，也会克制自己的情绪，要是他多半就哭起来了。而且别的孩子都希望称大，讨厌别人叫自己‘小宝宝’，甜瓜反而还乐于当宝宝，经常搂着我mommy mommy地一边叫一边亲。希望他能快点长大。

下面引用由我有希望发表的内容：

MELON妈妈,MELON的情况真是不错,好像和我见过的5岁的孩子真没有什么不一样. 我女儿前几天才过完了5岁生日,我女儿也有你谈到的那种情况,最多发生在商场里有玩的东西,我和LG买完东西了,就叫女儿...

melon

牙仙 tooth fairy

那天接甜瓜从学校回家，人家冷不丁冒出来一句，
‘妈妈，我有个牙齿松了’什么？
现在就要换牙了吗？我一惊。
‘你肯定是牙齿松了吗？’我反问他。
‘嗯，还没有’人家很老实的回答。‘
’牙齿掉了会怎么样？‘我有点奇怪他怎么会突然说这个。
’牙仙会来‘
’牙仙来干什么？‘
’牙仙会拿走牙齿，留下礼物‘人家很清楚。

看看当天学校的单子，果然是读了关于牙仙的书。好了，省得我教了。

扮酷

昨天我在家里算税，甜瓜和爸爸去公园玩，回来听甜瓜爸爸说了一件趣事 －－

甜瓜在那里荡秋千，突然来了两个漂亮的小姑娘。甜瓜对爸爸一声令下’爸爸，停下！‘爸爸赶紧照办，以为出了什么问题。只见甜瓜跳下秋千，从口袋里掏出手机（我们以前用旧的），啪啪按了几个键，然后开始装模作样打电话，口吻集中了我，他爸爸，他的训练老师，电视的大成。讲了２，３分钟后发现那两个女孩走了，收起电话继续打秋千。

甜瓜爸爸总结是甜瓜要在女孩面前装酷（show off), 还表示以后要多挣钱帮儿子找女朋友(what?![em06])  难说甜瓜是不是故意装酷，不过他喜欢漂亮女孩倒是真的，从小就是[em13].

kwenma2

下面引用由melon发表的内容：

so just throw out some silly answers and then expand it .....sometimes, I will tell him you already ask or you know the answer, so I ask him to answer it.

LittleKoala

下面引用由melon发表的内容：
难说甜瓜是不是故意装酷，不过他喜欢漂亮女孩倒是真的，从小就是....

哈哈哈，估计你很快就会象方静那样开始考虑melon找女朋友的事情了（*^-^*），小考拉也有这爱好，不过是喜欢看teenage girls。有一次爸爸带他去附近小学校散步，一帮小女孩在打net ball，儿子立刻停下，要求爸爸抱起来看，还试图与爸爸说点什么。总之，是很兴奋。[em13]

amberbrown101

甜瓜妈妈。 我刚刚发了一个帖子不知道什么原因没有发出来。我也在美国，能象你了解一下你以前给甜瓜做40小时therapy的时候自己又上班是怎么安排的呢？我现在也是全职，因为很多因素必须上班，孩子天天在幼儿园。我想让小孩退学强化干预了，想请教一下你的经验。