小不点长大了

kwenma2

Does 妞妞 have 1-to-1 aide?

心晴

建议你还是回国，以你们目前的状况，还是国内语言环境对孩子有利些。自己的工作往后放放，先把孩子带好，毕竟孩子是最最重要的。过一个十年后，孩子就定型了，如果带好了，你再发展自己也不迟啊。

niuniu2007

女儿受伤后，我的心情有很大变化。我最常想的是：要知足。我盼望，时间能倒流，不要让她受伤。如果我损失什么，能换回来她不受伤，我都愿意。好在女儿还是女儿。我很知足，也很珍惜。



我不懂心理学，抱怨心理学我看不懂。可是多希望自己能成为一个懂得教育孩子的妈妈。开始试尝了。

这三天，儿子把女儿的疗伤的纱布，胶带，药膏都弄丢了。我每天都抱怨，姐姐没药换了。提醒他犯的错误。他每回都大叫：“是纱布自己丢的，不是我弄丢的”。今天我就不信邪，一定要找出来。就在他们常玩的房间里慢慢收拾东西。果然，东西收得差不多了，在门后不起眼的地方就找到了。赶紧喊他们来看。儿子看到了，就说：“不是我放到门后的，是你放的。”

我赶紧教育：“是你放在门后的”。他刚想否认。我说：“可以放在门后，没有错。错在妈妈没有到门后来找”。他马上承认了：“是啊，是我放的，你为什么不来这找呢？”

是啊，不能讲假话给自己开脱啊。要说实话。开脱责任不对，解决问题和谁该负责任没有关系。

niuniu2007

我最近迷上地板时光了。到底和孩子玩时，玩什么，怎么玩？
发现这个link，只是不是地板时光官方的地址。还拷贝了一段我最喜欢的。

http://www.coping.org/intervention/floortm.htm

12. CONSTRUCTIVE OBSTRUCTION to Extend Problem Solving
•        The child will be surprised, amused or frustrated when faced with the changes and obstacles you create for them.
•        Approach child with a supportive attitude, sharing surprise, Oh no what happened?, What's the matter?
•        Help child solve the problem, but wait for child to recognize the problem first and then encourage the process.
•        Stretch the problem as long as possible by playing dumb
•        Offering wrong solutions so child can check out several alternatives
•        Asking questions and opinions about what they want, etc.
Remember: goal is not to frustrate child but to mobilize child's thinking and acting in face of something which matters personally to the child.


14. Home Based Opportunities for Floor Time
•        dressing and undressing: giving child choices about what to wear or not or what to take off first, is following the child's lead.
•        mealtime: chose one meal a time with enough time - talk may focus around food preparation, different foods being served, which foods are particularly enjoyable or any topic relating to the child's life.
•        car time: engage child in a relaxed conversation in which child takes the lead, or sing-along for which child chooses songs
•        coming and going time: plan to have at least a little time to get child settled on arrival to a classroom or in switching and transitioning from one activity to another by reading a short story, visit pet in classroom or at home, or look at special toy in classroom or at home. Show child support through your interest and warm clear good-bye if leaving in classroom. On picking child up from classroom give the child a chance to tell you something important about the day while you are still in the school setting.
•        bath time: Bath toys are wonderful props as they float, get dunked, and come into contact with each other. The water is a great opportunity for play. The child will naturally relax in the water.
•        book time: Read the book with the child on your lap or next to you on a chair or bed. As you read, be aware of responses and questions that you can extend. (If the child is totally absorbed, however, it is best to continue reading and simply enjoy the sense of shared interest)
•        bedtime: Bedtime is often accompanied by a ritual, but is also a moment to feel close and loving. Children sometimes share important thoughts and feelings during the last moments before falling asleep. Although you will not want to rev-up the child up prior to sleeping, you can respond with empathy and stay close until the child is calm and feels safe enough to sleep.

15. Turning Every Day Activity into Problem Solving for Child
•        chair not close to table, in the child's spot, when meal time arrives
•        bottle not open when you are trying to pour juice
•        bathtub empty of water when you tell child it is time to take a bath
•        shoes hidden from usual resting place
•        changing the shelf locations of favorite books, tapes etc.
•        putting two socks on same foot
•        putting shirt on feet
•        give child adult shoes instead of their own
•        use rubber band to hold together a spoon and fork when giving child tool for eating
•        being sure cup is upside down when offering child a drink
•        put markers in a new container which child has not yet learned to open
•        mix puzzle pieces of two or three puzzles together

16. Strategies for Engagement and Two-way Communication
•        Give child seemingly random actions new meanings by responding to them as if they were purposeful.
•        Use sensory-motor play -- bouncing, tickling, swinging, and so on -- to elicit pleasure.
•        Use sensory toys in cause-and-effect ways: hide a toy, then make it magically reappear; drop a belled toy so that child will hear the jingle; bring a tickle feather closer, closer, closer until finally you tickle child with it.
•        Play infant games, such as peekaboo, I'm going to get you, and patty cake.
•        Play verbal Ping Pong with child, responding to every sound or word the child makes and continue the ping pong match to expand the number of circles closed.
•        Pursue pleasure over other behaviors and do not interrupt any pleasurable experience.
•        Use gestures, tone of voice, and body language to accentuate the emotion in what you say and do.
•        Try to be as accepting of child's anger and protests as you are of child's more positive emotions.
•        Help child deal with anxiety (separation, getting hurt, aggression, loss, fear, and so on) by using gestures and problem solving.


18. Strategies to Develop Abstract Thinking
•        Follow child's lead, build on child's ideas
•        Challenge child to create new ideas in pretend play
•        Heighten affect and engagement
•        Practice and expand rapid back and forth interactions and conversations (gesturally and verbally)
•        Carry on logical conversations all the time (e.g.: while driving, at meals, during baths etc.) Content does not have to be realistic
•        Encourage understanding of fantasy-reality:
•        child will use toys as real objects for self as if real (e.g.: puts feet in play pool, tries to go down toy slide, tries on doll clothes, etc.)
•        child may prefer to start with role play and puppets
•        child will use toys in pretend fashion
•        child will use symbolic solutions for problems and fears
•        child will find safety to experiment with themes of aggression and power
•        Recognize fears and avoidance of certain feelings, themes and characters.
•        During play and conversations get beginning, middle and end of story or idea - identify problem to be solved, motives and feelings - accept all feelings and encourage empathy
•        Select books to read that have themes, motives and problems to solve - discuss alternative outcomes, feelings
•        Encourage abstract thinking:
•        ask why questions
•        ask for opinions
•        compare and contrast different points of view
•        reflect on feelings - come back to experiences again later
•        don't ask questions you know the answer to
•        don't tell child which dimensions to use
•        Use visualization - picture yourself
•        avoid rote, fragmented, academic questions
•        Be creative
•        if child puts foot in pretend pool, ask if it's cold.
•        if child is thirsty, offer an empty cup or invite child to a tea party
•        if child is hungry, open toy refrigerator and offer some food, pretend to cook, or ask if child will go to pretend market with you to get things to eat.
•        if child want to leave, give pretend keys or a toy car
•        if child lies down on the floor or couch, get a blanket or pillow, turn off the lights, and sing a lullaby
•        Encourage role playing with dress-up props, use puppets - child may prefer to be the actor before the child uses symbolic figures.
•        Use a specific set of figures/dolls to represent family members and identify other figures with familiar names.
•        Get involved in the drama. Be a player and take on a role with your own figure. Talk directly to the dolls rather than questioning child about what is happening or narrating.

19. Strategies to Develop Motor Planning Abilities
•        Encourage "undoing"
•        move object in line
•        cover desired object
•        put puzzle piece in wrong place
•        bury desired object(s) under other toys and very different objects
•        hide desired object from the place where child last put it etc.
•        Provide destinations for actions - treat as intentional and symbolic
•        child throws - catch it in basket
•        child holds figure (little person, animal) -bring over toy slide, school bus, food (if child does not use spontaneously, ask if the figure would like to... give choices if needed...ask figure directly...try not to direct)
•        child taps - bring over drums (can be plate, plastic toy, sticks etc)
•        child rolls car - bring over garage, crash into it, block with figure
•        child reaches for hand - play give me five, variations, dance
•        Create problems to solve - require multiple steps
•        put desired objects in boxes to open, untie, remove tape or rubber band
•        pretend object needs to be fixed using tools, tape, rubber bands, Band-Aids (symbolic)
•        create obstacles to child getting around or mor or restore to correct position
•        hold book to read upside down and/or backwards
•        offer pens/markers which do not work
•        sit in child's special place
•        get to where the child is running first
•        hide object child desires in one hand or the other so that the child can choose
•        when child seeks your hand instead of using own hand, put your hands on your head or in your pocket
•        put socks on child's hands instead of feet
•        give child your shoes to put on
•        make desired toy/object a moving target (move from place to place)
•        Be playful and supportive as you encourage and expand these interaction
•        Change environment frequently to encourage flexibility, create problems and expand discussion
•        move expected objects (change drawer content, change content in baskets)
•        rearrange furniture and create problems (child find chair upside down, or is told to sit down when chair is across the room)
•        hang up pictures from magazines at eye level and change frequently
•        Encourage child to initiate/continue action
•        Ready, set, Go!
•        put toy which child was using back in child's hand. (Oh, you dropped, forgot)
•        provide cues - uh oh, knock, knock, help
•        use indirect prompts (call the figures to come, where are you?)
•        bring over next step (puppet to eat pretend food, mirror to see the hat etc.)
•        trade objects, positions etc.
•        Deal with consequences of actions symbolically
•        baby doll fall (is dropped) - Uh oh! He's crying. Are you hurt? Get a bandage. Go to the doctor. Call an ambulance...
•        car crashes - Oh no, it's broken! Can you fix it mechanic?
•        Basket is dropped - What a mess! What do we do now?
•        Model/mediate sequence of actions needed to solve problem
•        Plan your idea - discuss what child will need for their idea
•        get toys/props child will need
•        identify setting and destinations
•        while playing identify problems and sequence of solutions
•        identify beginning, middle and end
•        challenge, reason, negotiate
•        Play interactive song-hand games
•        Itsy bitsy spider
•        one potato two potato
•        slap my hand
•        sailor went to sea, sea, sea etc.
•        Play Treasure Hunt and use maps (use visual and verbal cues)
•        Play games
•        social playground/party games
•        board games (cognitively challenging)
•        cooking
•        drama
•        arts and craft activities
•        Encourage athletic activities
•        individual sports e.g. tennis, roller skating, shooting baskets, ice skating etc
•        group sports e.g. soccer, baseball, basketball etc
•        gymnastics
•        Tae Kwon Do

LittleKoala

下面引用由niuniu2007发表的内容：
16. Strategies for Engagement and Two-way Communication
•      Give child seemingly random actions new meanings by responding to them as if they were purposeful.
•      Use sensory-motor play -- bouncing, tickling, swinging, and so on -- to elicit pleasure.
•      Use sensory toys in cause-and-effect ways: hide a toy, then make it magically reappear; drop a belled toy so that child will hear the jingle; bring a tickle feather closer, closer, closer until finally you tickle child with it.
•      Play infant games, such as peekaboo, I'm going to get you, and patty cake. ...

这些方法基本都用过，有些还在用，真的很好，很管用！

niuniu2007

以琳是个宝库。这两个关于地板时光的link我贴在这，便于查找。
http://www.elimautism.org/leadbbs/Announce/Announce2.asp?BoardID=5&ID=211598
http://www.elimautism.org/leadbbs/Announce/Announce.asp?BoardID=5&ID=198513

niuniu2007

转眼女儿都6岁了。俨然一个正常的孩子了。上一般的小学，没有任何正式的干预。简直不可思议。回想几年来的路程，我只记得3，4岁时她的情况多么严重。可是却迟迟不敢去给她带自闭的帽子，耽误了EI。也许是我耽误了她，也许现状最好。幸运的是她的情况目前还可以。迄今都没有正式的干预program，还不是最心痛和后悔的。

最心痛和后悔的是自己的不成熟。我应该早一点接受她自闭的现实，然后使劲充实自己，调整心态，多学学自闭儿童和普通儿童的心理学。我应该多一些无私的爱。她3，4 岁时，我对她的状况又急又气，对她狠狠的打过几次。她并不是真正的不能回答我的问题，她有她的疲惫，也有她的迷茫和混乱，我对她的没耐心，让她更讲不出话来。以为打了她，会逼她说出话来，也听信过谗言“就是一定要有一次把孩子压过去，否则他就永远不服你”。我现在都不相信自己曾经如此的愚昧。

初为人母，有很多要学的，更大的原因是女儿离开了我一年，这一年我又增加了小宝宝，我移情别恋了。我很对不起女儿，在女儿身上我学到了教训，成了一个更好的妈妈，而老二坐享其成。老大什么都是试验品。当年生第一个孩子做月子，把我累得头昏眼花，还什么都没搞好，心情又紧张。生老二时，好像也没费什么力气，孩子养得也胖，也不生病，自己也休息了足够，因为有经验了，知道怎样省力了。谢谢女儿，让我拿她开练，练习我怎样做妈妈。

现在，女儿还是有很多问题，我都想通了。只有爱是最重要的。我们已经6岁了，就别ABA了。RDI是在练习relationship.而地板时光是训练emotion。我和女儿的感情还是很不够，要好好练习培养。培养她具有一个真正正常的emotion, 可以好好的表达，调控，理解感情，我相信那时relationship就水到渠成了。而emotion的基础也就是爱。今年还是很好的。老公对我的很多孩子的计划和看法都支持，我也进步了很多。新年的计划是降低家里的分贝数，目前是成功的。我很少嚷嚷他们了。自己的心态理性都比以前好。而且，姐弟俩很团结。儿子快4岁了，真的可以讲道理，也知道要分享, 要照顾姐姐了。我的心理学还要继续修炼，好好调试他们的心理和情感。打好基础，为走向健康的人生铺路。

niuniu2007

女儿上了英文学校快３年了，还是张口闭口讲中文。有好处也有坏处。坏处多些。于是儿子上英文学校后，就很注意他是不是能学英文快些。上了英文学校，第一天，他指着灯说；“light". 可是之后，他的情况和姐姐一样，不说英语。现在已经上英文幼儿园一年多了，还是不说。

各方面证据表明，儿子不是自闭，只有一点点自闭倾向，比如喜欢电器，喜欢看旋转的东西，不和小朋友玩。也就如此吧。他从小中文的语言能力就非常好，很让我赞叹。

幸亏天使妈妈很早就告诉我"选择性缄默"，加上儿子非常黏家害羞，我认为他是恐社交性的类似选择性缄默的吧。

老师鼓励我说，他简单的都会讲，一般大概都听得懂。可是小子真的从来不和我讲英语。有了女儿的教训，我从来不强迫他。顺其自然。我相信他的能力，他的心理问题只能靠越来越自信来解决了，急不得。

昨天晚上，小子站在床上，忽然说：将木铺，将木铺，我想,难道他在说：jump？于是我顺着说：jump！结果他笑了笑，说：jump, jump, falling down! 还一边跳，一边倒在床上。 女儿看见了，乐不可支，也跟着一起说，跳，两人跳／笑作一团。

今天早上，他们两个在学校，先在门口向我再见。后来我上车了，他们又跑到学校栏杆边，正好可以看见车里的我，一起挥手向我告别，"妈妈再见，下班来接我！”。我打开车窗，也向他们招手，看见他们那两只小手挥的快的都看不见了的样子，幸福的心都要化了。

binfeng2000

你家那孩子的问题和他们一开始学的中文,然后到了美国的英文环境,有很大的关系,我女儿两岁后回来后,也是从中文环境中,一下子来到了陌生的英文环境里,她有快两年在幼儿园里几乎不发一言,后来她自己的英文上去了,各方面的情况也好多了.

你应该让他们在家里多说英文了,把中文先放一放,让他们学好了英文就能适应外面的环境了.社交等问题也应该能改善.说他们是自闭,好象不大象.

niuniu2007

儿子发脾气的典型小故事一：

早晨起来刚要出门，儿子就赖着不走。口里口齿不清的说，好像是不要什么，也好像是说要吃什么。我急着上班，假装要走，想让他赶紧把话说出来， 他就大哭，还不说。我猜，可能是要吃为姐姐过生日买的cookie，可是已经吃完了，这家伙记性好，连续吃了两天，以为成了惯例，今天也要。

我便说：“要吃cookie吗？可是已经吃完了，换吃动物饼干吧”。他继续哭，我说那吃夹心饼干吧？还是哭。我说，我要迟到了，就要走。还是拽着我不让走，如此搞了几个回合，耐心还没用尽. 估计他差不多完成了思想斗争，我便拿着动物饼干和夹心饼干，问他要吃哪个？他没好气地选了一个，我说：“欧，原来是要吃动物饼干啊！怎么能不给他吃动物饼干呢？拿到车上去吃，先吃动物饼干，然后吃面包。太好了。”在车上，他吃得好好的，没事了。

其实开始就是要吃cookie,可是没了，心里气，发作一下，后来，想通了，也确实没什么法子了，找了个台阶下，吃个动物饼干了事。这小屁孩的心理，也就这点弯弯绕。只是早晨我要上班，着实心里急！希望他以后心理不顺的时候，能学会快速自我调整，把不高兴的心情忘掉，往前看，现在是我帮他走这个过程。

小姐挑食的典型小故事二：

晚上吃饭，我从公司买了吃的，给他们先垫一点底。儿子照例连东西都不看，就张开大嘴吃。说起来，真感谢这小子，除了有点像早晨那样的犟脾气，真是让我省心。

而女儿却仔仔细细地问，这里面是什么？那块东西又是什么？我一一回答了。女儿张个小小的嘴一点点吃，我就说，看弟弟吃东西都是大嘴吃的。然后就大勺喂她，她只吃了一半，因为剩下的一半中有一块东西她不知是什么，问我那是什么，我有点没耐心了，说，无论是什么都是好吃的。挑食不对，对身体不好，不会漂亮，不会长个子。她气得哭了，说“我不挑食，我的嘴巴就是张不大！学校里小朋友也有不吃的东西。”

说到底，这挑食的问题还是生理上的问题吧！道理也懂，不爱吃就是不爱吃。我变了法子的喂她， 劝她，两人都还是会激动，会争执， 于己于人不利。我以前干过将食品强行喂到她嘴巴里的事情。后悔吗？是不是太过分了？至今不后悔。不用这种方法，她如今吃的大部分东西都不会吃。

我记得我是如何将她此生吃的第一块西红柿，连威逼带利诱，切的小小的，小的像一个米粒一样大，放到她的嘴巴里，她快速的将这米粒大的西红柿吞下去，还说：“我把西红柿喝下去了”， 然后喝水，冲一下嘴巴，然后吃她最爱的鸡肉或鸡蛋。

这米粒西红柿逐渐长大，一点点地长大，现在她可以吃西红柿炒鸡蛋里的大块西红柿了。还有很多种蔬菜，就是这样强迫让她可以接受的。所以，虽然总是让女儿不高兴，我俩也常常为吃东西吵架，逼她吃东西我从来不后悔。现在她的食谱我认为还比较广，我能接受。

niuniu2007

女儿6岁了，语言能力，同理心，理解力也不错。到底还有什么缺陷呢？这个缺陷，不拿到集体和社会的环境真看不出来。

今天去了好朋友的生日party,就晒晒她的表现吧。

总的来讲还是觉得与众不同。比如，看到小朋友们，就飞奔过去，但是也不和他们打招呼。对于大人的询问全不理会。后来，大喊，look, 然后开始跳格子，别的小朋友看了一眼，觉得无趣，继续谈他们的话题。女儿也无趣，只好叫我看。

后来到里面去跟着老师唱歌做游戏，倒是一幅大姐姐的样子，老是大喊：弟弟，看着我，要这样做。可是自己却又有30%的时间注意力不集中，做的动作不对。

然后指着弟弟，和一个同幼儿园的小朋友骄傲的说：this is my brother 。那似小朋友根本就都认识他们两个，因为一个学校的嘛，很无奈的说：I know.

然后就是手指老不闲着，老去摸弟弟的脸。后来又试了一下去摸小朋友的脸，那是个温柔的小印度姑娘，没生气。

然后就是围成一圈时，不会判断自己的位置，和别人不是太远，就是太近，要不然就是将好好的圆圈在她那“打折”了。和别人太近时，总是觉得她马上就会将手中挥舞的器具要打到别人身上了。替她紧张。

然后就是玩到一个大布，上面的10个五彩球都被抖动得乱飞时，有些兴奋失控，别的孩子都根据指令，赶紧把球扔回大布上，她就兴奋得只知道紧抓布角继续抖动。后来老师说把球放回去，她也抓紧最后的时间，跳在球堆里，结果失控的趴在别人的身上。那个男孩当然不爽，赶紧去想妈妈告状：someone knocked me.。。。就这样冒失，又容易受伤，又得罪别人。

差点忘了，最坏的表现是，当大家“击鼓换乐器”的时候，她死把着自己的相中的器具，就是不肯传给下一个人，也不接受上一个人传来的器具，还说：“我只喜欢这个，传走了，就没了。”所以，大家只好绕过她传。这一方面是太典型的没有“灵活的思维”，一方面是根本没进入游戏。

临走，也不和别人说再见。一个人径直走掉了。

综上所述，对于她在学校，除了抓学习以外，

1。社交不社交已是其次。最让人担心的还是安全问题。容易亢奋，又没有肢体控制力和判断力，协调性，容易受伤。而且万一冒犯了别人，别人会不会气得打她？以后上公立学校，还是要她争取上特殊班，省得提心吊胆的。

2。RDI真的会很合适她。比如RDI里就有调整自己和别人的相对位置的练习。等等，等等。

3。逐渐的加强体育锻炼，营养，还有年龄的增长，对她增强处理多维信息（processing multiple information肯定有帮助。

4。和他人的情感上的互动（emotion back and forth）缺乏，我和她之间要好好做做地板时光。

janehuang

niuniu妈，仿佛是路过你家，从敞开着的窗户看到了你家的两个小不点，真是栩栩如生。
妞妞一路跌跌撞撞地朝前走，虽然还是要你紧张担心，但人家自己走得也挺好的，呵呵。
豆豆的老师所过一句话我很赞同“医学尽头就是教育”，共勉！

女儿是天使

Eating problems occur for many reasons. While it is perfectly normal for children to have preferences for certain foods, autistic children can be far more insistent on eating only their favorite foods. Other children may resist only mildly, but autistic children with eating problems can escalate to tantrums and aggression if they are not quickly accommodated.

摘自--《A work in progress》---Eating Problems

As with most programs, we want to approach this problem in the most positive and proactive way possible. Therefore, our plan would not involve repidly increasing the child´s diet nor insisting right away that he eat foods we consider nutritious. Rather, the program begins with selecting a food that you feel the child would most likely accept. This may be a food that is similar in texture and taste to his preferred foods. For example, if he will only eat spaghetti, you may be more successful trying other types of pasta or noodles.

We have seen that some children find any variation in their favorite foods to be completely unacceptable. You would not dare offer a different brand of chicken nuggets! In such cases you might actually have more success with food that is very different from what he would normally eat. That way he will not be suspicious that you are trying to trick him. Trust is very important in overcoming resistance to foods.It will work best if you let him know clearly what you want him to do, but let him make the choice to do it. Although it is not our preference, often we have to start with junk foods or sweets. Remember the first goal is to increase the variety of foods a child eats as well as reduce the resistance to trying new foods. Also remember, this is a process!
不知你女儿属于上面说的哪种情况，也或者兼而有之。我女儿分得出麦当劳的薯条和其它薯条的不同，但她也爱吃土豆，最后终于成功的接受了薯片。

The introduction to new foods should occur under the most optimal conditions. Therefore, meal time usually would not be a good choice. No one feels like battling during meals. Additionally, it is probably a time that is already associated with the control battle and will only make your child more resistant.

You should select a time when your child is more likely to be compliant and you are not rushed. If you are both in a good mood, there is a greater chance that your child will cooperate and that you will have the patience to work through his resistance unemotionally. This may be after he has played, or when you come home from an outing, or when he simply appears to be in high spirits. It should also be a time when your child is hungry but not starving. This will increase the likelihood of his trying a new food, but not make him desperate.

If you  can also select a time prior to a favorite activity, you can use the activity as a reinforcer when he tries a new food. Additionally, it will provide an incentive to quickly finish eating. Naturally, if he does not try the food, he will lose the opportunity to participate in the activity. It may even be helpful to establish a routine where he participates in a preferred activity at a certain time. Therefore, he would be more likely to understand the contingency and eat the food quickly.
我倾向于，不管挑食是心理还是生理原因，都可能通过行为干预得到改善。我相信，TRUST IS VERY IMPORTANT IN OVERCOMING RESISTANCE TO FOODS。我很高兴的看到，嘟嘟正在有兴趣尝试新的食品，尽管有时尝过不喜欢再吐出来，但相比几个月前，至少已经努力去试过了。同时期的改变还有：对陌生人不再抵制，可以接受用塑料杯喝水不再坚持用玻璃杯，走在陌生的道路上不再要求抱着、、、我觉得这里面有共同的因素在起作用，和安全感、信任感有关的东西。我们的目的不光是要她们吃某种东西，我们最终的目的是要她们有勇气去尝试新的食品，新的事物。这些是相通的。

niuniu2007

非常感谢楼上各位的珍贵的建议。

niuniu2007

和女儿的情感交流

和女儿之间一直觉得没有心心相印的默契。一直为这个苦恼。她是那么沉醉于动物世界。
看了一些心理情绪教育的文章，又重读了格林斯潘的书，我试图走地板时光的路。

老格说，要想让孩子能正常的和同龄人交往，他必须有能和他人连续进行50-60回合的交流能力（open close 50-60communication circles with or without language)。 又说，和人交往的最关键的还不是语言，而是解读肢体表情的线索（cue)的能力。这和RDI是一样的。又说，家长是孩子的第一玩伴。

我想：我和女儿的连续交流能达到50回合吗？

观察了一下，好像也就10回合以内吧，而且大部分说的都是非感情上的东西，如：6岁是不是比5岁高？流血了会不会痛？

也做过RDI，但是女儿配合不好，如练习：walk,walk, stop时，她一点也不投入，动作拖拉。又如，玩鲨鱼来了，大家上岛上，用惊喜，害怕的表情表示鲨鱼近了，远了，女儿一点也不感冒，说，这没有鲨鱼。

现在，老格如此强调跟着孩子的兴趣走，然后进行情感上的连续的回合，听起来也许适用于我们。我就试了试。

事例一:patience, ask for help.
那天，女儿大叫，我冲过去一看，原来是缠在一起的皮筋打不开，我立刻帮她，还教她，可是她一点也不入门。因为是晚上了，我很累，就没耐心的嚷嚷她。她哭了。第二天早晨一醒，我就说，
昨天谁哭了？
是我。
为什么？
因为皮筋打不开。
还有呢？是不是妈妈大声说话了？
是。
为什么妈妈大声吵吵？
。。。
妈妈累时，容易没耐心。mommy was not patient. mommy was too anxious.（让她理解我的心情）。我很对不起。我不应该大声嚷嚷。
哦。
你是不是开始也大叫了？
是。
为什么？
因为我不会打开皮筋。
不会打开皮筋, you feel frustratred, right? when you are frustrated, you.....shout it out. 谁会打开皮筋呢？
妈妈会。
可是妈妈在别的地方，怎样才能让妈妈来帮你呢？
要去找妈妈，告诉妈妈。


事例二：trust
刷完牙，我说：妳漱口了吗？
漱了啊。
（我不信，跑去看看，她也跟过来）。啊，杯子里没水了，果然漱了。
mommy did not trust you and then I had to look. I am sorry, I really should have trusted you.
是啊，你没相信我。
我以后都会相信你。
好。我也要相信你吗？
你认为呢？
我觉得我要相信妈妈。
。。。。


有没话找话嫌疑吧。我是试图增加我们的交流回合数目, 并扩展，并试图进入她的心灵。。。 。也许以后会做的熟练。试图沿着地板时光的思路: 每件事给她前前后后的缕一下她怎么想的，我怎么想的，弟弟怎么想的，为什么会有这样的反应？顺便教她各种情感的名称。

昨天晚上，临睡时，她老是玩一个小鲸鱼，我后来看不下去了，过去说：“和妈妈睡已经很幸福了，不要玩动物了吧，把鲸鱼放下。是更喜欢妈妈，还是更喜欢鲸鱼？”答：“妈妈”。

我吃惊得差点倒下。她以前的答案是动物！才几天的时间，我试图和她多了一些心灵上的交流，原来不仅我，她也觉得我俩之间的距离近了很多。

kwenma2

下面引用由niuniu2007发表的内容：

和女儿的情感交流

和女儿之间一直觉得没有心心相印的默契。一直为这个苦恼。她是那么沉醉于动物世界。
看了一些心理情绪教育的文章，又重读了格林斯潘的书，我试图走地板时光的路。

老格说，要想让...

So great!!

LittleKoala

下面引用由niuniu2007发表的内容：
...又如，玩鲨鱼来了，大家上岛上，用惊喜，害怕的表情表示鲨鱼近了，远了，女儿一点也不感冒，说，这没有鲨鱼。

niuniu妈妈：这一段与我曾经读过的一本书里的故事很象，妈妈让女儿给小熊喂水，还讲小熊有什么感觉，结果女儿并不领情，说“It's a toy”。

我也同意冯帮主的说法，你女儿也不大象自闭，可能是很轻微的阿斯伯格，或者是更轻微的只是有austistic-like features。个人觉得，没准你就可以参照方老师训练石头的办法慢慢做。

读了你所有的贴子，能感觉到你半年来很大的变化，尤其是对女儿的认识上，真的为你很高兴！

niuniu2007

"读了你所有的贴子，能感觉到你半年来很大的变化，尤其是对女儿的认识上，真的为你很高兴！"

说得我快钻地缝里了。如果是说我进步了，我真希望我两三年前就有现在的“情操”，女儿会幸福很多。

谢谢考拉妈妈的关心。和大家比我做得很不好。无论是阿斯伯格还是ASD feature，总之还是特殊儿吧。特殊儿就还是要特殊教育。一刻不能松懈。可惜我现在也就这条件了。也就只能见缝插针的教。从知识和心灵上武装自己就花了这几年的时间。浪费生命啊。


今天女儿在学校又摔了。好在只是破了皮。我真是盼望两个月赶紧过去，毕业，换学校。每天上班都害怕听到学校的电话。。。

niuniu2007

寓教于生活

以前教孩子是通过玩游戏，讲电影，讲故事书。除了周末，平时都很累，所以还是一种“任务”。太一般正经了。

最近因为试图和他们随时互动情感，生活和学习都变得有fun起来.

一
姐姐在上音乐课，我有时抱着儿子从单面窗看。有一天，同班同学雪立（4岁)也来上课。儿子开始还冲雪立笑。后来雪立很好奇我女儿在里面-干什么，于是我就抱着她从窗口看。儿子大哭，使劲把我的衣服往下拉。我只好就放下雪立，抱儿子。儿子还哭，并说“不让你抱她”。我说，“你是不是jealous啊”，儿子不太明白，但是后来顺水推舟的说是，我觉得很可笑，他真知道jealous是什么意思吗，还说是。不过，通过这样的过程，他应该能懂了。

二
在开车回家的路上，女儿又有些兴奋，老是要去摸弟弟的脸。弟弟不让，就闹起来了。
我说：妮妮不要摸弟弟的脸。
女儿说：可是我喜欢。
我说：你虽然喜欢，弟弟不太高兴。你想让他高兴还是想让他叫?
女儿说：可是我还是想摸。
我说：弟弟不高兴，你就要respect him。（respect说重音）
女儿气了，说，我以后也不让你摸我的脸了。
我说，没问题，I respect you, if you don't want me to caress your face, I won't do it. Because I like you, so I respect(重音） you to make you happy.
女儿不好意思了。说：那以前也摸过弟弟的脸。
我说：好像弟弟每天放学后都不太高兴吧。可能是他一天下来有点累了。他高兴的时候，就会让你摸。

三
女儿在和我说话。可是儿子也开始和我说话，而且又因为什么事小哭小闹。于是我必须先解决哭的人。可是，女儿却坚持要我的attention,还继续更大声的说，追问。

我以前常常会在此时烦，我也不能同时process multiple information！我以前会命令女儿停止，不给解释。现在，我知道这是教育机会，不会烦，还抓住时机教育。会告诉她，看，弟弟在闹，妈妈很烦，必须让弟弟先安静下来。弟弟在哭，我们也说不了话。这样，女儿学会了同时观察体会两个人的表现及心理状况，并学会做出让步，耐心等待。我希望她能渐渐体会并同情一下弟弟的哭和妈妈的必须要的分心。


我简直是太enjoy这个新的教育方式了。可能会乐此不疲一阵子。

janehuang

哈哈，每次看你的教育生活记录都仍不住笑，你真是太可爱了，妞妞妈妈。

祝继续乐此不疲！