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楼主: 无心
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孩子的异常语言,说反话等,折磨着我

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21#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-13 23:32:56 | 只看该作者

re:今天上网一看,这么多重量级的跟帖,让我受...

今天上网一看,这么多重量级的跟帖,让我受宠若惊!
方老师,就算我折磨了大家一把,但我这抛砖引玉,是不是也相当划算?

陈远在自我意识方面基本是比较正常的,说反话的“话龄”也有至少一年了
我对他说反话,真的一点都没觉得可爱,珍惜就更没有了。
我为这件事苦恼、困惑,也不是把它当作错误要矫正的,我觉得要纠正的肯定是我,孩子的行为来自大人的塑造和影响

周围也有几个这样的孩子,妈妈们都深受其苦
就像刚才,我为孩子擦屁股,我说,把屁股撅高点
他说,我要低一点,我没吱声,他也还是不情愿的撅高了屁股,还问:低了会怎么样
我不能接话,不然就中招了,我若说,低了就擦不到,你屁股上就还有屎粑粑。他一定就会接茬说:我要屁股有屎粑粑。
我不是有耐心的人,脾气也急,有时真的巴掌都高高抬起了,又控制住,轻轻的落下
下午,我问,刘老师受伤了,很疼很害怕,我们要带什么去看她?答:鞭炮

郭大夫说过,要建立行为动量(就是好的行为惯性)。
可我感觉怎么陈远现在一直在坏的行为惯性里,他不停的往前滑,但我控制不了。
家长的大局观和掌控力很重要。
上面的帖子,我反反复复看了不下10遍,每一遍都让我茅塞顿开
明天我要拿给小柯妈妈分享



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22#
发表于 2010-5-13 23:58:26 | 只看该作者

re:首先打你一巴掌,今天刚和大家说了,自理是...

首先打你一巴掌,今天刚和大家说了,自理是最重要,你却还替他擦屁股?你让他自己去擦,自己去感受屁股不干净的感觉不行吗?
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23#
发表于 2010-5-14 02:23:56 | 只看该作者

re:无心,你遇到的是跟我同样的问题,...

无心,

你遇到的是跟我同样的问题,同样的儿子,只是我儿子没有你的儿子那么会说。顶多他会说不,而且外加不好听的话表示他的愤怒。那是两年前的小K的真实写照。


他们这种孩子给人的感觉是不容易服从,服从性差。事实上他们内在很可能属于焦虑型的,他们比较容易生气,你还觉得没有怎么着他就愤怒了。他们属于相当敏感的一类,情绪控制的门限比较低。那么针对小K的情况,在教育方面我采取的一些方法,其实上面很多都提到了。其实我觉得就是“以柔克刚”:
(1)我感觉你对孩子说话的方式---命令型的太多,婉转型的太少。RDI里面最初有一个训练父母的项目就是“学会说话”。要陈述评论多一些,问句少一些;间接的多一些,直接的少一些;婉转的多一些,命令的少一些,大致就是这个意思。

比如小K做仰卧起做,我希望他做到50个,当他做到30个时,我不说“要做50个。”,我会说:“呵,今天一下子就做了30个,你要是做到50个,我会不相信我的眼睛。”
(2)任何时候做什么WORK时,要让他感觉你与他同在。因为他们一般有很强烈的为难情绪;
(3)忽略有时候是需要的,但是有时候你可以用戏耍的方式来回应,当然不是他所希望的反应。
(4)多夸奖一些,及时鼓励,形成正循环;
(5)当正循环形成后,逐步加入一些“非得用的命令”来锻炼他的情绪的控制,属于脱敏吧?
(6)另外有一种地板时光的手法“REPLAY”专门讲到如何用戏耍的方法来对付情绪问题和脱敏。详细的可以搜寻GOOGLE,用“REPLAY AUTISM”应该有回应。
(7)另外一些不会对他造成多少伤害的例子中等他去犯错误,让他在错误中去学习。比如方姐姐楼上叫你让他自己擦屁股,擦不干净,他自己会不舒服。他屁股不太高,没擦干净自己屁股痒,会来找你,那时你在来跟他讲道理。

所以很多方面我们如果注意,他们应该能够逐步好转的。试一试,可能对陈远有用?

其实,我说的“以柔克刚”是从方姐姐那里学来的。小K不是顺毛驴,但是去年在青岛在方姐姐手上顺得出奇!现在方姐姐就在你身边,赶快去讨秘方吧?
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24#
发表于 2010-5-14 02:27:28 | 只看该作者

re:网上搜到的关于REPLAY的一点简单介绍...

网上搜到的关于REPLAY的一点简单介绍,有书(如果能读英文)。
book   "Replays: Using Play to Enhance Emotional and Behavioral Development for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders", Karen Levine, and Naomi Chedd (2006), Jessica Kingsley Publishers, London, England.

AMAZON有卖的。
======================================================================================================================================

Replays: A new play based technique for helping children with WS with emotional and behavioral challenges
Most children with WS are blessed with happy, sociable, charismatic personalities.  At times, however, many children struggle with anxiety, fears and intense responding, creates emotional and behavioral challenges for the child, family and school.  Common triggers for strong emotional responses include the following:  

•        Sensory overload, especially heightened sensitivity to sounds, resulting in anxiety and fear.  Such responses may have begun in response to specific issues (e.g. fear of balloons popping or being among loud, screaming children, leading to fear of birthday parties ; fear of thunder resulting in fear of any rain storm or even cloudy skies; or even developing school phobia due to fire drills or loud, unpredictable public address system announcements.)Some children develop a heightened sensitivity and have extreme emotional reactions in response to tactile experiences (e.g. getting a haircut;; having nails trimmed or wearing certain items of clothing)

•        Intense sadness in response to seemingly minor ‘sad’ events such as the end of a favorite TV program or movie,  or the departure of a friend.

•        “Contagious” or extreme responses to others’ emotions, such as crying in response to seeing someone cruor hearing sad music, becoming anxious or upset in response to a teacher scolding another student.

•        Dramatic, negative emotional responses to seemingly small frustrations (e.g. sharing  toys,  turn taking or  being told ‘no’; unexpected intrusions into a favorite activity)


There are many interventions for such challenges, including teaching relaxation strategies, implementing sensory integration therapy, adapting the environmental, providing positive behavioral supports and using visual aids (e.g. picture schedules and Social Stories TM to help the child understand the sequence and nature of potentially upsetting events).  For some children, medication may help reduce anxiety and/or intense emotional responding.  All of these approaches used alone and in combination can be useful.

Replays is an additional new ‘tool’ that can minimize, even eliminate intense emotional responding, through fun, interactive symbolic play. Parents, teachers and therapists across all disciplines (Speech therapists, Occupational therapists, Psychologists etc) can learn and use this technique.  It integrates play therapy methods with what we know about the roles of interaction, communication and play by which typically developing children develop regulatory capacity. Replays is especially effective for situations that once were truly aversive for the child, such as putting on shoes for an infant or toddler with heightened sensory sensitivities, and to which the child has developed a learned pattern of intense responding, even though the child’s sensitivity level has improved.  

How do you do Replays?  The adult playfully acts out, with props and the child, everyday situations that are predictably troubling to the child.  The child increasingly participates in these re-enactments, taking on different roles, experiencing small but tolerable amounts of negative emotion triggered by the events and paired with fun, high affect replaying, with a trusted adult (parent, teacher or therapist).   Gradually the trigger situation becomes much less potent for the child who, through practicing and developing  new affective memories, becomes able to tolerate and participate in previously aversive experiences.

Unique to Replays is that the child’s own intense emotional responses, such as crying, wriggling away, or pushing away the aversive trigger (e.g. shoes) are incorporated into the re-enactment, but with playful affect.  The goal of Replays is to help the child decrease intense upset responses and develop more adaptive responses.  Incorporating undesirable behavior into what the adult ‘models’, while at first counterintuitive, allows for direct work with the child’s emotional system, beginning with emotional responses the child knows well and gradually shaping them to more adaptive responses.  It is important that the behaviors playfully incorporated by the adult, include only those behaviors frequently exhibited by the specific child and  never new undesirable behaviors.  Hence the adult is not ADDING to the child’s repertoire of negative behaviors, but rather is using the child’s common responses as a ‘starting point’ in play with the child, to help work through and desensitize the child to the trigger event.   

Why does Replays work? This kind of play fosters immediate emotional recognition from the child, as the adult-driven re-enactment reflects a very familiar experience sequence.   This playful demonstration of intense responding is highly motivating and amusing to the child, who increasingly wants to participate. Replaying such a familiar sequence enables the child to re-experience the aversive event and their own response in a slowed down and happy, interactive format in which they have increasing control.  Once their own intense responding decreases, the child is able to engage in the ‘correct’ behavior, such as putting on shoes or sitting calming through a haircut.

For children who can process at a more advanced level, Replays stories, incorporating the child’s intense responses along with a resolution, can be created. This allows the child to ‘reread and review their experiences as often as they like or request this from adults.   Through repeated, interactive, playful re-enactment, children become desensitized to ‘trigger’ aspects of dysregulation, form new emotional memories and master their responses to the event.  For many, this process occurs remarkable quickly.

Many behavioral challenges based in intense emotional responses to seemingly small events can be resolved in one or two sessions.  Parents can quickly learn these techniques and practice at home, just before predictably upsetting events, such as a visit to the doctor or a birthday party. For some children, the process may take much longer and require numerous repetitions and manipulating certain aspects of the Replay, such as coming up with several alternative happy endings.

We have been using Replays for the past 8 years in our clinical practices with great success and very positive response from families.  We began using it with typically developing young children around everyday upsets such as putting on snowsuits and diaper changes.  We then expanded it to children with a variety of different developmental disabilities including Williams syndrome and, most recently with children with autism.

Unlike most behavioral interventions, Replays is fun for the adults as well as the children, and creates a series of happy interactions around events that have had negative associations for parents as well as children. Alleviating parent and/or teacher stress around ‘trigger’ events likely contributes to improved child regulation as well.

We have found that Replays can reduce the impact of many events and situations that were - originally based on sensory issues but have become learned patterns.  These include tantrums in response to dressing, taking medicine,  putting on Band-Aids or getting a haircut.  Children with obsessive-compulsive (OCD) tendencies (e.g. extreme reactions to changes in routine, broken or missing toys, out of order objects, making mistakes, or not being first), and those with phobias also respond positively.  Children just discovering mischief are likely to respond quickly while more complex, internally driven regulation problems may require multiple approaches.  We have also found that Replays while based in pretend play, can be effective even for children who appear to have limited symbolic play skills. We hypothesize that this is because the scenarios being ‘replayed’ are so familiar and have such strong emotional salience to the child and hence require less abstraction -- or less of a symbolic leap.  

Background Developmental and Research Literature;
The model for Replays, which integrates  several bodies of clinical and research literature, is briefly outlined below.  There is not yet a full understanding of why intense emotional responding is common in so many children with WS.  However, we do understand some of the developmental processes that occur with children who do have this characteristic.  ALL typically developing infants show intense responding and little capacity to soothe, with great variation regarding when and to what extent self-soothing/self regulation develops.  Often parents can calm infants through a combination of interactions -- soothing voice, calming facial expressions, gentle and secure holding -- as well as sensory soothing , such as swaddling in a blanket, bouncing or turning. What works for agitated and upset children varies considerably but parents by necessity quickly learn how best to soothe their infants!  Toddlers are also intense responders (hence the ‘Terrible Twos’) but become increasingly able to use language, symbolic play and interaction to help them become more emotionally regulated and less reactive.  
While young children with WS are often able to use some of these typical interactive and sensory tools with their parents, common delays in language and pretend play may reduce their capacity to develop emotional regulation. They may also be  biologically predisposed to responding more intensely. Due to their challenges in plan and communication, many young children with WS have more dysregulated systems coupled with reduced capacity for regulation by accessing the tools used by typically developing toddlers use .
When a child experience an intense physiological response to a ‘trigger’ event (e.g. balloons popping at a birthday party), their fear of such an event is more likely to continue, even escalate, rather than diminish.  It is also likely to ‘spread’ to associated events such as the birthday party, itself, whether or not there are balloons present.  Once the upset has passed, neither the anxious child nor the weary parent attempts to revisit or relive the event.   So the next time it comes up, the child and parent continue to have the same or even increasing negative responses , often awaiting the event with fearful anticipation days or weeks in advance.
Replays addresses and revisits the event and the child’s reaction.  The technique uses the ‘language’ of the child’s familiar emotional experience sequences, highlighted with familiar props and made playful and motivating through high affect interaction with parents, counselors or teachers. Replaying the event repeatedly in a fun and often exaggerated manner helps the child form new emotional memories associated with prior ‘triggers’ for dysregulation.
Replays can be used in conjunction with other approaches simultaneously in order to address the same kinds of regulation- based behavioral challenges.  Complementary approaches include positive behavioral supports, Social Stories TM, sensory integration, environmental adaptation, and communicative supports, such as PECS and Assistive /Augmentative Communication (AAC).
Example of Replays

Joey, a 4 year old with strong emotional response to many different sensory experiences, hates having his haircut.  His parents have tried every way imaginable to accomplish the unpleasant task -- doing it at home, at the barber, with Dad only, even while he’s asleep -- and still Joey gets fearful, angry and out of control as soon as he realizes what is happening, .  His OT has suggested desensitizing his head to touch with various playful head rubbing games.  This has helped him tolerate wearing his hat outside and pulling his shirt over his head, but has not reduced the trauma of getting a haircut.  The behaviorist suggested telling Joey he would get a reward after the haircut.  He liked the reward but it did not keep him from getting upset during. His teacher and Speech Therapist made a Social Story explaining with pictures the process of getting a haircut so Joey would be familiar with all the steps involved. Joey likes to look at and hear the story, but it didn’t help him control his intense behavioral response when the actual haircut began.

Then they tried Replays.  They first showed Joey that it was time for Elmo, his favorite companion, to have haircut, and they took out a play scissors.  Joey got a little anxious at the mention of the word, haircut, and seeing the play scissors, but his father quickly began the playful re-enactment, sitting Elmo in a chair, exaggerating cutting sounds and actions with the scissors, then having Elmo playfully yell “NO NO NO HAIRCUT!!!” while kicking and shaking his head, just as Joey did in the same situation.  Joey looked to his father and smiled, instantly recognizing the scenario.  His repeated the same sequence, very slowly approaching Elmo and saying,  “Time for your haircut,” and then making Elmo once again playfully imitate Joey’s typical response “NO! NO! GO AWAY!” shaking Elmo as if he were having a meltdown.

During the Replay, Joey’s father watched his response closely to make sure he was enjoying it and not scared. He hesitated before resuming the play, and Joey brought over the toy scissors and gave them to his father to get him to do it again.  This time his father put the scissors next to Elmo and waited, then   Joey laughed, saying “NO NO NO!” and grabbed Elmo, making him kick and wriggle.  Joey replayed the scenario over and over, about 15 times, each time with great delight.  His father then gave the scissors to Joey and put Joey’s hand to his own head, while playfully saying “NO NO NO HAIRCUT”, assuming the part of Joey.  Joey comforted him, saying “It’s OK Daddy” and his father pretended to calm down as Joey “cut” his hair.  His father then had another pretend upset and Joey again ‘calmed him down’.  The family replayed  the same sequence several times in the days before the next real haircut and included  Joey’s big sister and mother in the play.  Joey especially enjoyed when the other family members had pretend tantrums; he took the lead and calmed them down.  Joey’s speech therapist also joined in and put together a quick “Replays Story” about haircuts, using pictures she had on her computer, including several of crying children , She added the familiar words, “NO NO HAIRCUT” and then resolved the story with a smiling child sitting calmly for a haircut and then getting a Spiderman sticker and popsicle, two of Joey’s favorites.         

Joey’s parents decided to then try cutting his hair for real at home.  They did many Replays in the morning and read the story with him, and then amazingly, when they got out the real scissors, Joey went right to the chair where they had been playing and sat through the haircut without any apparent problem.  Of course his story ended with a sticker and Popsicle, too, as well as a smile and feeling of pride.
Some FAQ’s:

WHEN should you do replays:  In general Replays seem to be most effective when the child is NOT upset and repeatedly, just before the upsetting event will occur.  For minor upsets around frequently occurring events (e.g. diaper changes) sometimes you can do Replays as the event is just beginning.  Once a child is truly upset however, simply calming him is key before any other intervention is likely to be helpful.

WHAT can replays accomplish:  Replays can’t fix all behavioral or emotional challenges for every child.. For example, Replays will not  fix hyperacusis, the oversensitivity to sound common in children with WS have. However, Replays can help with the secondary fears, the build up of anticipatory anxiety and the degree of upset a child with hyperacusis may experience. That is, a child afraid of noisy, popping balloons, may respond positively to Replays and may no longer fear birthday parties or even touching and playing with but may continue to melt down if a balloon actually pops, and  get anxious watching someone blow up a balloon..  

WHAT IF the child becomes fearful or upset during the play?  Sometimes when one is playing through a typically upsetting event, even in a silly, pretend manner, the child may actually become upset.  This is an indication that the adult should make the play even more playful/silly and more removed from the actual event though symbolic play For example, if a child has a fear of people coughing, the adult may first try to have a doll pretend to cough and the adult (or another doll) pretend to be afraid.  If the child continues to get upset, they can switch it to a non-person figure (e.g. Thomas the Train, Winnie-the-Pooh) and use a sneeze instead of a cough. You know you are ‘getting it right’ when the child laughs with recognition but is not afraid.  Then the adult can gradually work Thomas’ sneezing into whisper coughs or a quiet, in-between sound the child can tolerate, gradually getting closer to a real cough.  

Can anyone do Replays with a child?  Parents, therapists, teachers and other caregivers can all do Replays.  For some children and some issues it is very straightforward, fun for all, and works quickly.  For more complex issues or with children with especially intense responding, or for adults for whom this sort of silly play does not come naturally, it can be helpful to work with a play therapist.  Such a partnership can help the parent or teacher to fine tune or combine Replays with other approaches.

Many more details, examples, strategies and FAQs can be found in our new book Replays: Using Play to Enhance Emotional and Behavioral Development for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, Karen Levine, and Naomi Chedd (2006), Jessica Kingsley Publishers, London, England.

Please note that while the title refers to autism, the technique is useful for children with intense emotional responding who are typically developing or have other developmental disabilities including WS.

We hope you find Replays fun and helpful for your child or the child you are working with.  Feel free to contact us with questions, success stories or problems you run into.
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25#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-14 20:47:56 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]方静...

下面引用由[U]方静[/U]发表的内容:

首先打你一巴掌,今天刚和大家说了,自理是最重要,你却还替他擦屁股?你让他自己去擦,自己去感受屁股不干净的感觉不行吗?


该打!
不能再自欺欺人了。
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26#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-14 20:54:11 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]kw...

下面引用由[U]kwenma2[/U]发表的内容:

无心,

你遇到的是跟我同样的问题,同样的儿子,只是我儿子没有你的儿子那么会说。顶多他会说不,而且外加不好听的话表示他的愤怒。那是两年前的小K的真实写照。


他们这种孩子给人的感觉是不容易...


感谢kwenma2的分析,对我很有帮助
技巧、方式加耐心,可惜这3方面我都没处理好。
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27#
发表于 2010-5-14 21:23:35 | 只看该作者

re:听方姐的口气,孩子应该属于语言认知能力很...

听方姐的口气,孩子应该属于语言认知能力很好的。

“就像刚才,我为孩子擦屁股,我说,把屁股撅高点
他说,我要低一点,我没吱声,他也还是不情愿的撅高了屁股,还问:低了会怎么样
我不能接话,不然就中招了,我若说,低了就擦不到,你屁股上就还有屎粑粑。他一定就会接茬说:我要屁股有屎粑粑。”

第一步做对了,第二步没做对。

我们要做的忽略不是全面忽略,而是有选择有计划的忽略。孩子说“我要低一点”,这个行为不正确,你也不可能满足孩子,忽略是不错的办法。确实也讲,孩子讲这个话的目的并不是“提要求”,而是在获取你的注意力,希望从你这里得到他所期望的反应,不回应就正好切断了强化源。

第二步分,孩子说“低了会怎么样?”这个问题,除非他是刻板(就是每回到这个时候都问一样的问题),否则还是应该要回答,因为是一个正常的问题,属于正常的沟通范围。你估计孩子会说“我要屁股有屎粑粑”,也没关系,这个时候可以采用和前面一样的对策“忽略”,也可以满足他,让他屁股上有屎粑粑。我想以孩子的认知能力,他应该不喜欢这种感觉吧。等他不喜欢这种感觉,他要求你来替他擦屁股的时候,你就可以借机再问他,“擦屁股的时候,屁股应该要怎以样啊?”等他回答了“抬高”,并且真的抬高屁股的时候,你才替他擦。

“下午,我问,刘老师受伤了,很疼很害怕,我们要带什么去看她?答:鞭炮”
类似于这种回答,也别生气。对策也有很多种选择,一个老方法“忽略”;二则,以后在提类似问题的时候,给选择题,别给疑问句“我们去看刘老师是应该送鲜花呢?还是水果呢?”;三则,在这个基础上扩展对话,不过扩展对话就要学会装傻。“不是只有过年的时候才放鞭炮吗?现在又不是过年?”“看病人哪里有送鞭炮的?你受伤的时候有人送你鞭炮吗?”“我觉得送鲜花会比较好,可是我不知道应该送什么花,你说呢?”。。。。。。。别觉得孩子是跟自己对着干,自己还盯着他对着的那个问题上出不来;你要是能做到装傻听不出来,他的行为就达不到目的,就能实现自然过度。郑老爷子的名言啊“难得糊涂”,有的时候挺管用的。
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28#
发表于 2010-5-14 23:13:14 | 只看该作者

re:楼上各位的发言,也让不知所措的我...

    楼上各位的发言,也让不知所措的我受益匪浅。是不是每一个孩子都要经历这样的阶段?看来我们总要讲求各种方法在悄无声息中对待孩子的问题,千万沉住气,仔细分析,灵活以对。
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29#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-15 13:45:52 | 只看该作者

re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]ji...

下面引用由[U]jinglenn[/U]发表的内容:

听方姐的口气,孩子应该属于语言认知能力很好的。

“就像刚才,我为孩子擦屁股,我说,把屁股撅高点
他说,我要低一点,我没吱声,他也还是不情愿的撅高了屁股,还问:低了会怎么样
我不能接话,不然就...


感谢这么细致的分析!
我明白了
是我太刻板了,不会变通
很期待您7月底来以琳的讲座,相信到时会有更多惊喜!
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