Aspie Advocacy 101
by Frank Klein
Note: This article was written when this web site was entitled "Aspie Advocacy." When I realized that I am more properly HFA (high-functioning autistic) than aspie, despite my many similarities to aspies, I decided that a bifurcated view of AS and autism did not make sense. Thus, I changed the name of the site, as well as the editorial "slant," to reflect the unified nature of the spectrum as a whole. That is why I recently changed the title in the link to this article. However, for the moment, I am leaving the article as it was written originally. Keep in mind that when I say "aspie" in this article, I refer to all people on the higher-functioning end of the spectrum, regardless of which diagnosis they may have.
Ever since learning of AS, I have been an advocate for the autistic person and the autistic pattern of thought. There are a lot of aspies that, sadly, share the NT (neurotypical, a fancy word that means "normal") view that being different is bad and shameful. It is not innate in the autistic mind to be intolerant of people that are different... that is an NT trait. I would love to see the day when such NT pollution is driven from our minds. Unfortunately, as long as we autistic types are exposed to wholesale NT ostracism and medical doctors that use words like "dysfunction," "impairment," "disability," and "disorder" to describe our unique minds, we're probably never going to see that happen. Still, I feel compelled to do what I can to spread the word that there is nothing wrong with thinking the way we do, and that we're actually better off than NTs in a lot of ways. The single biggest "disability" we have is being such a small minority... so small that we can be mostly ignored by the populace at large, and so misunderstood that we can be written off as mentally incomptent. As a result of this and the sad propensity of NTs to abuse and torture those that are not JUST like them, many or most aspies and other high-functioning autistics have, or have had, problems with depression.
I don't dislike NTs... I am related to a number of them, and I get along with them just fine. I only dislike individuals with whom I have had negative personal contact, online or otherwise. I do not assume that I will dislike any person, NT or AS... nor do I assume I will like anyone. People are individuals... even NTs. Now, disclaimers out of the way, allow me to get a little muddy.
I dislike the fact that NTs, unlike those of us on the spectrum, are neurologically programmed to maintain and defend a social order. They are biologically programmed to learn and adopt a complex set of unwritten rules. These rules are not innate within the NT mind... they're a learned behavior, but the ability to learn them at a very young age and to adopt them fully is neurologically-based. Those of us on the spectrum not only lack the ability to automatically determine what these rules are, but we also lack the ability to apply them appropriately and without thought. Unfortunately, another innate NT trait is to enforce these rules, and to punish anyone that violates them. This, presumably, served to keep groups of people cohesive back in the pre-civilization days. However, from the perspective of one person on the spectrum, these NT traits have outlived their useful life. I see them as vestigial remains of a less civilized existence. However, they are as innate in the NT as our traits are in us.
What this means to the average aspie is that there is a set of rules in place in society at large, and it is a set of rules that no one mentions but everyone is expected to know, and to obey. NT people would have learned the rules as children, and incorporated them into their personae. That's peachy for them, but it is no good for those of us that lack the "detective skills" to figure out what these rules are. As can be expected, we violate these unknown rules from time to time. The NT mind, designed to punish any such transgressions, will become angry at the violation, and the abuse will start. This is innate; it is not about who the NT is, because all NTs are biologically programmed to maintain the social order by any means available. Our problem is that we look enough like them that they (NTs) assume we are just like them, and treat us accordingly.
The problem of ostracism is IMHO the biggest issue that aspies face in dealing with our difference. We can try to educate NTs that we come in contact with frequently, but most of us that have tried this have noticed that many NTs are very resistant to the notion that we are not the same as them, and that we don't always come off the way we feel. And certainly we cannot educate every NT we meet. As you can see, contact with them is bound to get rough at times, given their programming to enforce the rules, and our ignorance of them. The problem is compounded by the fact that we are very sensitive to criticism, and we can get emotionally hurt very easily... and the more hurt we accumulate, the lower our self-esteem and resistanc for the next attack. Is it any wonder that so many of us are depressed, and put ourselves into a relative exile?
It's a good thing that we require less social contact than NTs, because many of us (self included) spend a lot of time alone. It's not that I do not like to socialize... I do, within safe parameters and when stress levels are low. I have no close IRL friends now, but when I was in college (where my weirdness was accepted), I was very social... I probably spent 5-10 hours a day with other people, often groups of four or five. It was safe for me... no one attacked me for my weird aspie tendencies, and the "anything goes" atmosphere meant that the societal rules were at least relaxed.
Anyway, most of us have to deal with living in a hostile NT world, and it is not easy. Unless we completely isolate ourselves from NTs, which is not practical, we are going to feel the wrath of their enforcement attempts. We can try to emulate NTs, and this can and does help to reduce the transgressions of the rules that trigger the attacks... but notice that I said "reduce" and not "eliminate." Even NTs violate the rules fairly regularly, but they usually get back in line pretty quickly. That leaves only one choice, and that is to develop "armor" against NT comments.
At first, this concept seemed a little weird to me. I went to a psychologist when I was in high school... he worked to break down the emotional walls I had erected to shield me from the abuse. That was back in the mid to late 80s, which was before AS was well known... so the therapist never did figure out why I was different. Now I am advocating erecting walls very much like the ones he tried to get rid of! Well, let me try to explain why.
That therapist had no idea what AS was. He had no idea that my "weirdness" was a function of my biology. Likely he thought that once those walls were removed, I would begin to heal and become more normal, thus negating the need for the walls. Yes, I will heartily tell you that we would be emotionally healthiest if we lived peacefully with no walls at all... but that is not realistic in an NT world. Without the walls, we will get pummeled by those around us... and that is less healthy than having walls.
This is how I put it. NTs have a biological drive to abuse us. We have to assume from the beginning that any contact with NTs will result in abuse. Be ready for it... expect it. Don't be shocked if we are abused... be pleasantly surprised if we are not. This does mean that NTs will be held figuratively at arm's length. Be proud of who and what you are, and never forget the differences... which is not to say to dwell on them.
The other part of my spiel is that I like (prefer) the way aspies think. We have a lot of things of which we should be proud! We tend to be more intelligent than the the norm, we're very honest, we're straightforward, we think logically, we use language precisely. We don't play any of the insipid games that most folks play. So many of us are unhappy... we hate who and what we are. Most of this is a function of the ostracism as discussed above. I love my good aspie features! They make me who I am, and I like that regardless of what others think. I wish all of my kind would see it this way! The AS is not going to go away, so we are going to have to deal with it one way or another.
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发表于 2003-11-29 06:06:18
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