征求翻译:"家长能不能打孩子屁股?"

binfeng2000

(正好我今天刚回了个打孩子的帖,又看了这个专题报告,顺便贴上来,有兴趣的家长可以看看或翻译)

The Spanking Debate
By Natalie Lorenzi
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The Bottom Line
No parenting issue sparks more debate than spanking. Although the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) discourages all corporal punishment, an estimated 90 percent of parents have spanked. Yet most of those parents are not pro-spanking. According to a study from the State University of New York (SUNY) at Buffalo, 85 percent of those who spank would rather not. While some parents advocate spanking and others shun it, most Americans fall somewhere in between. Here, experts respond to four families' stances on this emotional issue.


More from HealthyKids.com
How to Introduce Discipline
Are You Raising a Spoiled Brat?
When Should You Start Disciplining?
Quiz: Are You Encouraging Aggressive Behavior?
More on Discipline Methods


No-Spanking Policy

We have never spanked our children, and we never will.

Dave Taylor and his wife, Linda, of Boulder, Colorado, have never raised a hand to their children, Ashley, 10, Gareth, 6, and Kiana, 2. "We're both very concerned about how violent our society is. We don't want to have that come into our home," Taylor says. But he is careful to point out that no spanking doesn't mean no discipline. The Taylors use time-outs and logical consequences when their kids misbehave. For instance, after their son deliberately broke a chair, he had to use his allowance to replace it. "I bet that's a more impressive lesson than me pulling him over my knee and spanking him," Taylor says.

The experts respond: According to the AAP, taking away privileges and issuing time-outs yields better results than spanking. "The AAP doesn't endorse spanking, because it is not effective in the long term, can hurt a child's self-esteem, and can cause physical harm," says pediatrician William Coleman, MD, of the Center for Development and Learning at the University of North Carolina, in Chapel Hill, and chair of the AAP's committee on psychosocial aspects of child and family health.

"Parents who don't spank their children still discipline; they just do it in ways that don't involve hitting," says Elizabeth Gershoff, PhD, assistant professor at the School of Social Work at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor. Although some parents may equate spanking with discipline, Gershoff says the two are not synonymous: "Discipline is teaching; spanking is punishment."



Ex-Spanker

I once believed in spanking -- not anymore.

Linda Doty, of St. Louis, Missouri, mother of Katie, 23, Amber, 21, Sarah, 10, Jadyn, 4, and Raena, 2, spanked her oldest daughters when they were little. "I was a young mother, and I thought spanking was just what was done," she says. Doty knew experts cautioned against lashing out in anger, so when she found herself chasing her daughter up the stairs to give her a spanking, that was her "lightbulb" moment. "How can this not be in anger? I'm chasing her for it," Doty says. "It was the last time I ever spanked."

The experts respond: Doty is certainly not the only parent who has spanked in anger and frustration. According to the SUNY study, 85 percent of parents report feeling angry and agitated when they spank. And those emotions can be difficult to rein in. "The intensity will continue to rise if the parent continues to be physical," says Dr. Coleman. And that increases the risk of abuse.

Gershoff agrees. In 2002, she analyzed 88 different spanking studies and found 10 negative outcomes in those who are spanked -- including higher risk for aggression and abuse of their own kids or spouse down the line.

Robert Larzelere, PhD, associate professor of human development and family science at Oklahoma State University, in Stillwater, cautions that spanking in frustration sends the message that "if you're frustrated, you can just lash out at whoever you're mad at." And that's not a lesson parents want to teach.



Regretful Spankers

We spank but wish we didn't.

Ken and Molly Crandall, of Nassau, New York, parents of Julia, 5, and Jackson, 3, never thought they would spank. "We knew we didn't want to raise an aggressive or bullying child," says Ken Crandall. So why do they resort to spanking? "We've used it when we're at the end of our ropes," he says. But spanking hasn't worked for them. "It gets Julia to respond out of fear, and we just don't feel right about doing it. Plus we feel guilty when we punish her." Although they'd like to stop spanking, "to say that we won't resort to it again -- we probably can't say that."

The experts respond: Gershoff has seen similar scenarios with other parents who spank and later regret it. "They realize the contradiction between what they're saying and what they're doing. Children begin to fear their parents. And when parents see that, some of them decide not to hit anymore."

"Almost all of us lose it," says Linda Pearson, RN, a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, in Lakewood, Colorado, and author of The Discipline Miracle (Amacom). "But instead of swatting, why don't we substitute consequences?" She advocates using time-outs, withdrawing a child's privileges for misbehavior, and rewarding good behavior with "goodies." When parents lament about their disrespectful kids, Pearson asks why they continue to allow their children to watch favorite television shows and have their friends over to play. "Parents forget that a child has to earn these special treats." And rewarding good behavior yields far better results than spanking, she says.



Pro-Spanking

We believe spanking works.

"An effective discipline regimen has a variety of things -- time-outs, separating kids from activities, logical consequences -- and we use spanking too," says Jason Berggren, of Atlanta. When his boys, Aiden, 4, and Logan, 2, are defiant, Berggren and his wife, Lisa, give one warning. If the boys don't comply, they get a spanking. Immediately afterward, the Berggrens discuss the reason for the spanking with their boys.

The experts respond: Larzelere condones conditional spanking -- reasoning first, nonphysical punishment second, and if a child is still defiant, then an open-handed, two-swat spank on the buttocks for kids ages 2 to 6. But he adds a crucial caveat: "If parents are at risk for getting out of control, they need to do something to calm themselves down."

Once parents lose control, however, it's not always easy to get it back. The AAP reports that 44 percent of parents spank because they "lose it." And even if a parent could deliver a spanking calmly 100 percent of the time, spanking is simply not effective over time. "If children are hit, they'll stop what they're doing right away. But they will not stop in the future," Gershoff says. "When people say that spanking works, they're probably spanking and doing something else. They get the child's attention by spanking, and then they talk to the child about what he or she did wrong. Hitting, unfortunately, is one way to get a child's attention, but there are lots of other ways." Speaking in a stern tone of voice or touching a child on the arm are nonviolent alternatives for getting a child's attention. Of her own children, 4 and 2, Gershoff says, "One of the things I'm always trying to teach them is to not hit each other. Why in the world would I hit them if that's the message I'm trying to teach?"



Time-Out Tips
Many parents turn to spanking when a time-out goes awry. Pete Stavinoha, MD, pediatric neuropsychologist at Children's Medical Center of Dallas, offers these tips for getting the most from time-outs:



1. Before a Time-Out
Praise your child for good behavior.
Role-play a time-out (when your child isn't in trouble), so he'll know what to expect.


2. During a Time-Out
Be firm and in control, not overly emotional.
Don't give your child any attention -- positive or negative.
If your child refuses to stay in time-out, try holding her in the time-out until she's calm, without cuddling.
The time-out should end whenever your child is calm and ready to make the situation right again. A general guideline: one minute per year of her age.


3. After a Time-Out
Don't rehash the infraction.
Have your child pay restitution, such as apologizing or completing a task that he should have finished before. Then give him a clean slate.

binfeng2000

(关于家庭规矩的培养)

Introducing Discipline
The whats, whens, and hows of disciplining your young child.
By Pamela Stock
   
  
Introduction
Discipline, undeniably one of the most important elements of parenting, is also among the most misunderstood, difficult, and anxiety provoking. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline: The First Three Years (Prima Publishing, 1998), points out that often parents are afraid of being too permissive and they're afraid of being too tough.

Discipline is complicated, especially with babies younger than 2 who don't communicate very well. And it's important to remember that discipline is not a synonym for punishment, Nelsen points out. Discipline is less about playing the tough cop and more about playing the kindly teacher. Here's an approximate time line for introducing routines, rules, and general good behavior.





     
  
First Year of Life
0 to 4 months: Pamper your infant
With babies younger than four months, it's important to respond quickly and consistently. This ensures that they stay healthy -- promptly changing wet diapers, for instance, reduces the likelihood of diaper rash. Consistently meeting baby's needs also makes him feel more secure: It shows your baby that you can be relied upon. If you establish this bedrock of trust in infancy, your baby is more likely to accept limits later on.


4 to 6 months: Get in the groove
At this age, parents can begin setting limits. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents should use "generally structured daily routines." If baby can rely on these routines, he's less likely to fuss or struggle. Routines should help calm your baby and encourage him to behave, but should be flexible enough to accommodate his emotions.

Here is an example of a diaper-changing routine:

1. Baby lies down and holds a certain toy.

2. You sing a certain song while changing the diaper.

3. After you're done, he gets a kiss.

You can also establish routines for bathing baby, strapping him into his car seat, and feeding him dinner.


6 to 12 months: Lay down the law
Parents can begin teaching house rules around six months, when the baby starts to comprehend cause and effect. A baby this age can memorize actions and reactions -- when I turn the cup over, the juice pours out -- but she's not yet able to fully control her behavior.

The mantra until then: Be patient and consistent. Though babies under a year old don't understand what "no" means, they do respond to the tone of a parent's voice and can be redirected. In fact, redirection -- also known as distraction -- is the most useful tool from now until age 2. For example, find a toy or move your baby to another room to get her away from the stairs.





     
  
Baby in Motion
Any time from 8 months on -- and definitely by baby's first birthday -- he can get himself into trouble. Soon after he's crawling or walking, however, the danger grows. He can suddenly climb up a bookcase, pull out electrical cords, and knock things off a table.

More effective than screaming "Get away from that!" is taking baby to another room while telling him that a chair is for sitting on. While a 3-year-old may understand a lesson in how the chair can fall over and hurt him, such reasoning won't work with a 1-year-old -- that's why distraction is vital.

Set up "activity stations" in areas where there's the most potential for baby to get in trouble -- small boxes of toys in the kitchen, for example. That way baby can be redirected when you are on the phone or trying to fix a meal.





     
  
Age 1 and Up
1 to 2 years: Try patience
Now that he's officially entered toddlerhood, you will need to learn new techniques for setting limits.

Toddlers, unlike younger babies, understand some of the explanations for why they can't behave a certain way, but they still aren't able to control themselves. For the child who grabs toys, a parent should distract him with another toy or help him "take turns." The best technique for dealing with tantrums is waiting the child out, remaining calm and firm.


2 and up: Time for a time-out
Concepts such as sharing are puzzling for a child under 3, as are explanations linked to time, such as "You can color when we get back from the store." Your toddler wants to color now! These tricky concepts won't help you distract your toddler, because she doesn't understand them. And because they don't mean much to her, you shouldn't think she's misbehaving, either.

Once a child passes age 2, discipline gets easier. She can finally understand why she shouldn't do something. Parents should begin introducing mild punishments (mainly time-outs) for when the child knowingly behaves badly.

Remember that discipline is a somewhat imperfect art. So don't be too hard on yourself if you find you're saying "no" more than "yes," or punishing your child for a crime he doesn't even understand. Discipline, after all, is about teaching, and parents and kids learn together.

The information on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical advice or care. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family doctor. Please consult a doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's condition.





  

© Copyright 2007 Meredith Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

binfeng2000

(你是不是在培养一个被宠坏了的小淘气鬼啊?)

Are You Raising a Spoiled Brat?
Kids running you ragged? It's time to rethink discipline.
By Charlotte Latvala
   
  
What Is Spoiled?
No one wants to raise a spoiled kid. But would you know one if you had one? By grandparents' definition, all of today's children -- with their Disney videos, Baby Gap wardrobe, and Gymboree classes -- could be considered spoiled. Also, few parents have the iron hand of previous generations, and for the most part that's good. But sometimes in the effort to be kinder, gentler parents, moms and dads let their sweet little darlings get the upper hand. Some parents put up with truly awful behavior.

Of course, all toddlers interrupt, whine, and throw tantrums, says Rex Forehand, PhD, coauthor of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child (McGraw-Hill, 1996). Those behaviors are normal ways for kids to assert their independence. What's important, he notes, is how parents react. Spoiling occurs when kids are predominantly in charge in the family. The parents have minimal authority, and kids continually get their own way by acting up. In other words, your child isn't spoiled because he whines; he's spoiled if whining consistently works to get him what he wants.

Granted, all toddlers have bratty and less-bratty days, says child psychologist Sal Severe, PhD, author of How to Behave So Your Child Will Too (Viking, 2002). And all parents have days when they cave in instead of standing by the house rules. But when whining, nagging, and misbehaving to get their way becomes a constant, repetitive behavior, you have a problem, says Severe.

To figure out where you stand, ask yourself the following questions:


Do you usually give up in exhaustion rather than enforce limits during a typical day?

Do you let your child regularly butt in and take over adult conversations?

Do you keep buying toys in an effort to avoid tantrums and keep your child happy -- even though your house is already overflowing?

Do you avoid taking him to the supermarket because you can't handle another embarrassing scene?


If you answered yes to more than a couple of these questions, you may be looking at a spoiled child in the making.

It's important to address spoiling now because you're setting up patterns that will stay with your family for years to come. If your 20-month-old has never heard the word no, for instance, how will she handle hearing it when she's 13 and wants to get her navel pierced?

Spoiled kids are those who never had a chance to handle disappointment early on, says Claire Lerner, a child development specialist at Washington, D.C.-based Zero to Three. The lessons they learn as toddlers -- delaying gratification, acting within limits -- will carry through to adulthood.





     
  
Why Spoiling Happens
Too much sugar, too many toys, and not enough rules are some of the main ingredients of spoiling. But why do we do it? Here are some of the most common causes.

1. You feel guilty. Today's family dynamics often set the stage for spoiling, says Gail Gross, a child development specialist in Houston. In families where both parents work, or in single-parent homes, the feeling is, "I have so little time with my child, I want it to be fun." Guilt-ridden parents tend to overindulge and underdiscipline their kids, she adds, which makes home life anything but pleasant.

2. You don't have the energy to be consistent. One day you refuse to let your child have pudding for breakfast, despite the tantrum; the next day (when you've been up all night with the baby and are exhausted), you think "Oh, it won't kill him," and give in. Such behavior teaches your child that rules aren't for real.

3. You offer too much help. When a toddler is frustrated, many parents want to jump in and help right away, says Lerner. (Rushed, stressed-out parents do the same thing.) Kids get spoiled because they start relying on Mom or Dad for everything -- getting dressed, finishing a puzzle, fetching a juice box. Your goal is to encourage your child to do things for himself, so he can say, "I can handle this" -- not do it for him, notes Lerner.

4. You want to give him everything you didn't have. Of course, buying stuff for your kids is fun, especially when they move beyond the playing-with-the-boxes phase. But giving kids too much can backfire, leading them to always be looking for the next new thing instead of being satisfied with what they have.

5. You believe he's the ultimate cutup. We've all seen parents who smile as their kids talk back, push other children, or knock over breakable objects. These parents are clueless about how to stop the behavior, so they rationalize it as being cute and funny, points out Severe. It's easier to do that than to face the problem. Other people, however, are much less charmed. And kids who aren't given limits have a difficult time respecting other people and their belongings.





     
  
Unspoiling Your Child
The good news is that now is a relatively easy time to reverse the spoiling. For starters, experts agree that parents should set consistent limits; toddlers who have clear boundaries feel secure and are less likely to act out with bratty behavior.

It doesn't really matter what the rules are; it's how consistently you apply them, says Severe. With a toddler, it's best to stick with just three or four nonnegotiatble rules, like "No hitting," "Don't interrupt adults," and "Pick up your toys," because too many orders can overwhelm kids and adults.

If your child throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way, try to ignore the wailing until it's over. Once your child learns that he won't get the desired attention, he'll be less likely to repeat it. Redirecting is another great ploy. Try diverting your toddler's attention by getting him interested in something else, like his favorite toy.

As difficult as it may be, try not to look at tantrums as a sign of being a bad parent, but as a chance to nip spoiling in the bud, says Lerner. Be firm and clear: "I love you and I'm sorry you're mad, but I'm not giving in and you can't hit or throw things when you don't get your way." It also helps to acknowledge his feelings of frustration. Saying something like, "I know it's really hard to stop playing but it's time to go home," validates his feelings and can make him more cooperative.

It may be tough to resist spoiling now, but the payoff will be huge. Your child will learn how to manage feelings, cooperate, follow rules, and have self-control. These lessons will be beneficial throughout your child's life.

The information on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical advice or care. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family doctor. Please consult a doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's condition.





  

© Copyright 2007 Meredith Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

binfeng2000

(自我测试:你是不是在鼓励孩子的攻击性行为?)

http://www.healthykids.com/hk/quiz.jhtml?quizId=/templatedata/hk/quiz/data/56.xml

Quiz: Are You Encouraging Aggressive Behavior in Your Child?
By Karin A. Bilich


Many children experience strong feelings of anger and some opt to express them physically. But as a parent, you can have some influence on how your child handles anger. Are you taking the helpful steps to prevent aggressive behavior in your child?


1)When your child hits another child during an argument:

I punish him immediately


  I think "kids will be kids"


  I don't pay much attention

2)Have you set firm limits on what angry behavior is and is not allowed?
Yes, and I hold her to it


  I've set limits, but I've let her slip on occasion


  I've never really discussed that with my child

3)Have you conveyed these limits to babysitters and other caregivers?
Yes


  I hadn't thought of it


  I haven't set limits


4)Have you given your child ideas on nonaggressive ways to convey anger?
Yes


  No

5)Do you ever express pride in your child's toughness?
Yes


  No

6)Do you ever use spanking as a form of punishment?
Yes


  No

7)How do you tend to resolve conflicts around your house?
Peacefully


  Aggressively


  It varies


8)Have you made an effort to teach your child about controlling his actions?
Yes


  No

9)How well do you control your own temper?
Very well


  Somewhat well


  Not very well

10)Do you provide your child positive feedback when she settles disputes peacefully?
Yes


  No

11)Do you acknowledge and accept your child's angry feelings?
Yes


  No


12)If you want your child to apologize for hurting another child:
I encourage him to apologize by explaining that he hurt someone


  I force him to apologize or else his punishment will become more severe


*************************************************************************

Quiz Results


You've done a pretty good job discouraging aggressive behavior in your child. However, if your child has a tendency toward violence, you might want to ask yourself these questions. Have you set solid and consistent limits about the ways that anger can and cannot be expressed? Have you encouraged your child to convey anger through words? Have you insisted that she take time to compose herself before expressing her feelings? Instilling self-control in a child is a difficult task, but it can help him for a lifetime.


Source: Caring for Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (Bantam, 1999)

aridus

正好周末有点时间，这篇我来翻吧。

aridus

我翻译了第一篇，后面的关于家庭规矩的培养等等请别人继续。
“关禁闭”的小解释：Time out, 翻译成什么我并不清楚。关禁闭还是比较传神的。但是并非是一定关在小房子，壁橱什么里面。可以在某处>放一个椅子，time out的时候就叫小孩坐在椅子里几分钟不得下来。Time out在体育比赛里面就是对某运动员的暂停比赛几分钟不得商场的>处罚。

打屁股的争论
作者 Natalie Lorenzi

底线
没有哪个关于教养小孩的话题能比打屁股引起更多争论。虽然美国儿科学会(AAP)反对所有形式的体罚，估计有90％以上的父母曾经打过孩子
屁股。然而在这些打过孩子屁股的父母里面，大多数并非是提倡打屁股的。根据一项纽约州立大学布法罗分校的研究，那些打孩子屁股的父>母里面，有85％并不愿打。有些父母提倡打屁股，而另一些坚决反对，而大多数美国父母居于这两者之间。这里，我们来看看专家们对4个家
庭对这个情绪问题所持的立场有什么看法。

1。“不打屁股”政策

我们从来不打孩子屁股，将来也不会打。

戴维.泰勒和他的太太，琳达，住在科罗拉多州包尔德市。他们有三个小孩，亚斯里，10岁；嘉睿丝，6岁，可娅娜，2岁。他们从来没对小孩
动过一个手指头。泰勒说：“我们夫妇两个人都对我们所处的社会的暴力程度感到担忧。我们不希望那些暴力进入我们的家庭。”但是他也很>小心地指出，不打屁股并非是说不管教小孩。当小孩行为出格时，泰勒家使用的办法是“关禁闭”，和“合乎逻辑的后果”。举例来说，有一次>他们的儿子故意弄坏了一个椅子，他就不得不用他自己的零用钱来买个新的替换。泰勒说：“我打赌这个教训比把他拖到我的膝盖上打屁股更
叫他印象深刻。”

专家评论：“根据AAP的说法，暂时限制原先准许做的事，和“关禁闭”，比打屁股效果更好。北卡大学Chapel Hill分校发育和学习中心的儿科
医生william Coleman博士说，“AAP不提倡打屁股，打屁股的长期效果不佳，会伤害小孩的自尊，对身体也有伤害。”他也在AAP的关于家庭和
儿童的心理社会方面的委员会里任主席。

位于Ann Arbor的密歇根大学社会工作学院助理教授Elizabeth Gershoff博士说：“不打屁股的父母们也还是管教小孩的；只不过他们用的方>法不包括打。”虽然一些父母把打屁股和管教小孩等同起来，她说这两者并非同义词：“管教小孩是教育；打屁股是惩罚。”

2。前打屁股者

我以前相信打屁股的作用－－现在不这样想了。

密苏里州圣路易斯市的琳达.道提是一个有很多小孩的母亲：Katie, 23岁；Amber, 21, Sarah 10, Jadyn 4, Raena 2. 她在最大的那几个女
儿小的时候打过她们的屁股。她说：“我那时是个年轻的妈妈，我认为打屁股是理所当然的。”她当时知道专家们反对因为发怒而惩罚，所以>当她发现她在楼梯上追逐女儿好打她的屁股时，她“顿悟”了。她说：“这怎么可能不是因为发怒呢？你看我因此在追逐她。这是我最后一次打
她的屁股。”

专家评论：道提肯定不是唯一的一个因发怒而打屁股，然后又觉得困扰的父母。根据那项纽约大学的研究，85％的父母说当他们打屁股的时>候他们感到发怒。而且这个情绪是很难驾驭的。Coleman博士说：“如果父母继续体罚行为，体罚得就会越来越重。”变成虐待的危险就会增加
。

Gershoff同意这一说法。在2002年，她分析了88个不同的打屁股研究，发现了10例被打屁股的孩子的不良后果－－包括高危险的攻击行为，>和在结婚后虐待他们自己的配偶或子女。

位于Stillwater市的俄克拉何马州立大学的人类发展和家庭科学的副教授Robert larzelere博士告诫说，因为挫败感和怒气来打屁股，等于>送出了这样的信息：“如果你感到挫败和发怒，你就可以对你发怒的对象来发泄。”这并不是父母想要教给他们小孩的。

3。后悔的打屁股者

我们打屁股，但是我们宁愿不打。

纽约州拿骚市的肯.克兰道和茉莉.克兰道夫妇有两个小孩，julia，5岁，和Jackson, 三岁。他们从没想过有一天他们会打屁股。肯说道：“>我知道我们不想让我们的小孩变得攻击性，和欺负别人。”那么为什么最后他们打屁股了呢？他说：“当我们实在是没有办法了的时候。”但是
打屁股并没有起作用。“打屁股只是让julia因为害怕而服从，而我们觉得这样的结果并不对。而且当我们惩罚她时我们觉得内疚。”虽然他们
想要停止打屁股，“如果说我们再也不会采用这个最后的手段－－我觉得我们难以做到。”

专家评论：Gershoff见到过这样的情况，别的父母打屁股，事后又后悔。“他们意识到在他们所说的和他们所做的之间的矛盾。孩子开始惧怕
父母。当一些父母发现这个之后，他们就停止打屁股了。”

在科罗拉多州lakewood市的心理健康高级执业护士Linda Pearson（注册护士）说：“我们所有人都输了。但是除了打，为什么不能用其他东>西来代替呢？”她提倡关禁闭，暂时限制小孩的行为自由，和对好的行为给予奖励。当父母们哀叹他们的小孩行为不良时，Person问到，为什
么他们还继续准许小孩看爱看的电视，和让小孩的朋友们过来玩呢？“父母们忘记了小孩必须挣得这些待遇。”她还说，奖励好的行为比打屁>股有效得多。

4。支持打屁股者

我们相信打屁股有用。

住在亚特兰大的Jason Berggren说：“一个有效的管教小孩方案有许多方面－－关禁闭，限制他们的活动，合乎逻辑的后果－－而且我们也打
屁股。”当他的两个儿子，Aiden, 4岁，Logan, 2岁，无法无天时，Berggren和他的妻子Lisa就会先提出警告。如果儿子们不听，他们就被打
屁股。打完后，他们就会和小孩讨论为什么会打屁股。

专家评论：Larzelere认可有条件的打屁股－－先讲道理，然后是非体罚性的惩罚，如果小孩仍然不听，对2到6岁的小孩就可以用手掌对屁股
打两下。不过他也提出一个关键性的警告：“如果父母自己处在失控的危险之中时，他们就应该做些别的能够让他们自己冷静下来的事。”

然而一旦父母自己失控，那就很难走回头路了。AAP报告说有44％的父母打屁股是因为他们“失控了”。并且，即使父母在100％的情况下都能>够冷静地打屁股，打屁股会越来越失去作用。Gershoff说：“如果小孩挨了打，他们会立刻停止他们正在做的坏事。然而以后同样的情况他们
不一定会停。当人们说打屁股有用的时候，可能他们不光是打屁股。他们可能用打屁股来引起小孩的注意力，然后对小孩讲他们做错在什么>地方。不幸的是，打确实是引起小孩注意力的一个办法。不过另外还有许多别的办法。”用严厉的语气说话，或者碰碰他们的胳膊，都是可以
引起注意的非暴力方法。关于她自己的4岁和2岁小孩，Gershoff说：“我一直想要教他们的一个事情是不要相互打架。如果我想要教给他们的
是不要打，那为什么我要打他们呢？”

关禁闭的小贴士
当关禁闭慢慢失效时，许多父母转向打屁股。Dallas市儿童医学中心的儿科心理卫生学家Pete Stavinoha博士对关禁闭给出以下贴士：

1。平时
表扬他们的好行为。
当你的小孩没有坏行为时，让他们演习关禁闭，这样他们就有心理准备。

2。关禁闭时
要有掌控，要坚定，不要情绪化。
不要对小孩表现出太多的注意力－－包括正面的和负面的。
如果你的小孩在关禁闭的时候挣扎，你要把他按住，知道他平静下来。不要爱抚。
当你的小孩平静下来，一切正常了的时候，禁闭就可以结束了。一个参考规则：小孩的岁数就是关禁闭的分钟数。

3。关禁闭之后
不要把情况又搞复杂化。
让你的小孩把事情收尾，比方道歉，或继续完成他应该完成的任务。
然后给他一个清楚的事情记录。

完

鱼儿

打孩子屁股的唯一好处就是让自己暴怒的情绪得到倾泄，身体健康，延年益寿．哈！

daluobo

有意思,我想众多家长都犯过这方面的错误,当然包括我,望此文能对很多家长有启发作用.

平平爸

不打屁股打哪？我是支持的。毕竟我门不是神，总有控制不住的时候。

karenhyj

大家好！初次来到这里，看到这么多有责任心的家长和有爱心的社会人士在关注着这个事业，真的为之感动！
我是一名普通的在校大学生，很想为这些孩子做些什么。看了很多binfeng2000的帖子，很受益。翻到这里看到要翻译，于是就用了几个小时翻译了一片,时间有限，还请多多指教。
希望能对大家有所帮助。这也是我的首贴奥：）
这个论坛是小雅老师介绍的，也是一名忠于此事业的有爱心的teacher：）谢谢！
最后，愿爱播撒人间！Love actually:)


(关于家庭规矩的培养)

Introducing Discipline
The whats, whens, and hows of disciplining your young child.
By Pamela Stock
Introduction
Discipline, undeniably one of the most important elements of parenting, is also among the most misunderstood, difficult, and anxiety provoking. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline: The First Three Years (Prima Publishing, 1998), points out that often parents are afraid of being too permissive and they're afraid of being too tough.
介绍
规矩，毋庸置疑是家庭教育中最重要的元素之一，但他同时又是极易被误解，做起来相当困难并使人焦躁忧虑的问题。《积极的训诫:前三年》（Prima出版，1998）的作者Jane Nelsen指出，父母们经常会害怕过于放纵孩子或对孩子过于严厉。
Discipline is complicated, especially with babies younger than 2 who don't communicate very well. And it's important to remember that discipline is not a synonym for punishment, Nelsen points out. Discipline is less about playing the tough cop and more about playing the kindly teacher. Here's an approximate time line for introducing routines, rules, and general good behavior.
定规矩是非常复杂的，特别是对于那些还不能很好的交流的未满2周岁孩子。Nelsen指出，定规矩不是惩罚的同义词，他扮演的角色更多的是慈爱的老师而不是凶恶的警察。下面是一个大体的用于介绍，引入常规，惯例，和大体的好的行为的时间表。
First Year of Life
0 to 4 months: Pamper your infant
With babies younger than four months, it's important to respond quickly and consistently. This ensures that they stay healthy -- promptly changing wet diapers, for instance, reduces the likelihood of diaper rash. Consistently meeting baby's needs also makes him feel more secure: It shows your baby that you can be relied upon. If you establish this bedrock of trust in infancy, your baby is more likely to accept limits later on.
出生第一年
0到4个月：纵容你的宝贝
在宝宝还不到4个月的时候，坚持快速的回应（宝宝的需求）是十分重要的。只可以保证他们健康的生活——举例子来说，快速的换尿布可以减少宝宝的皮疹的几率。坚持一贯的满足宝宝的需求也能使他感到更安全：因为这样做会让宝宝觉得他们可以依赖你。如果你在婴儿时期就这样打下了良好的基础，你的宝宝就会在今后更有可能接受你对他的种种限制。

4 to 6 months: Get in the groove
At this age, parents can begin setting limits. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents should use "generally structured daily routines." If baby can rely on these routines, he's less likely to fuss or struggle. Routines should help calm your baby and encourage him to behave, but should be flexible enough to accommodate his emotions.

Here is an example of a diaper-changing routine:

1. Baby lies down and holds a certain toy.

2. You sing a certain song while changing the diaper.

3. After you're done, he gets a kiss.

You can also establish routines for bathing baby, strapping him into his car seat, and feeding him dinner.
4到6个月：进入状态
在这个年龄段，父母可以开始设置限制。根据美国小儿科报告，父母应该应用“大体的构造的每日惯例”。如果宝宝可以遵循这些惯例，他就不易反抗或是挣扎。这些惯例应该帮助孩子冷静并鼓励他们去表现自己，但是，这些惯例一定要灵活变通以便顺应着孩子的情感。
下面是一个换尿布的惯例的例子：
1宝宝躺下并拿着某一个玩具
2当你换尿布的时候唱着某一首歌
3当换完尿布时，你亲吻宝宝
你也可以建立其他的惯例：洗澡，放孩子到他的车座上，喂他晚饭。
6 to 12 months: Lay down the law
Parents can begin teaching house rules around six months, when the baby starts to comprehend cause and effect. A baby this age can memorize actions and reactions -- when I turn the cup over, the juice pours out -- but she's not yet able to fully control her behavior.

The mantra until then: Be patient and consistent. Though babies under a year old don't understand what "no" means, they do respond to the tone of a parent's voice and can be redirected. In fact, redirection -- also known as distraction -- is the most useful tool from now until age 2. For example, find a toy or move your baby to another room to get her away from the stairs.
6到12个月： 制定规则
当宝宝开始理解因果关系，大约在六个月时，父母就可以开始教家庭规矩了。这个年龄段的宝宝能记住行为与对应的反应：当我把杯子倒过来，里面的橙汁就会洒出来——但是他这时还不能完全控制她自己的行为。
颂歌唱到：要耐心要坚持。尽管不到一岁的宝宝不懂得什么是“不”，但他们去会对父母的说话的语调做出反应，改变行为（重新被父母引导其行为）。事实上，重新引导（宝宝的行为）也叫转移注意力法——它是从现在到2岁前最好用的方法。例如，找个玩具或是把孩子带到另一间屋子从而让他远离楼梯。
Baby in Motion
Any time from 8 months on -- and definitely by baby's first birthday -- he can get himself into trouble. Soon after he's crawling or walking, however, the danger grows. He can suddenly climb up a bookcase, pull out electrical cords, and knock things off a table.
More effective than screaming "Get away from that!" is taking baby to another room while telling him that a chair is for sitting on. While a 3-year-old may understand a lesson in how the chair can fall over and hurt him, such reasoning won't work with a 1-year-old -- that's why distraction is vital.
Set up "activity stations" in areas where there's the most potential for baby to get in trouble -- small boxes of toys in the kitchen, for example. That way baby can be redirected when you are on the phone or trying to fix a meal.
活动中的宝宝
从第8个月开始到一岁生日，宝宝就开始自制麻烦。自从他会爬到会走，危险就开始出现。宝宝可以突然爬上一个书架，拔出电线芯或是击翻桌子上的东西。
与其尖叫着“远离椅子！”，不如告诉把宝宝带到另一间屋子并告诉他椅子是用来坐的，这样更奏效。一个三岁的儿童也许能从椅子翻到自己会受伤这一事故中吸取点教训，但是一个1岁的孩子是无论如何也不可能做到这点的，这也正是转移注意力法为什么这么重要了。
在宝宝极有可能有麻烦的地方设置一些“活动场所”——例如，在厨房里放一个盛满玩具的盒子。通过这种方式，你就可以在打电话的时候或是做饭的时候转移宝宝的注意力（以免其受到厨房里的伤害）。
Age 1 and Up
1 to 2 years: Try patience
Now that he's officially entered toddlerhood, you will need to learn new techniques for setting limits.
Toddlers, unlike younger babies, understand some of the explanations for why they can't behave a certain way, but they still aren't able to control themselves. For the child who grabs toys, a parent should distract him with another toy or help him "take turns." The best technique for dealing with tantrums is waiting the child out, remaining calm and firm.
1岁和1岁以上
1到2岁：试着耐心
此时是孩子正式进入学走路的阶段你需要学习新的设定限制的技巧。
初学走路的孩子已经不像婴儿期那样，他们开始懂得为什么不能做某事，但是他们仍然没有能力控制自己。对于抢夺玩具的孩子，父母应该用另一个玩具转移他的注意力或是帮他“换一下”。最好的抑制发脾气的方式就是等孩子离开后，保持平静。


2 and up: Time for a time-out
Concepts such as sharing are puzzling for a child under 3, as are explanations linked to time, such as "You can color when we get back from the store." Your toddler wants to color now! These tricky concepts won't help you distract your toddler, because she doesn't understand them. And because they don't mean much to her, you shouldn't think she's misbehaving, either.
2岁及2岁以上：
在3岁以下，孩子对于像“分享”这样的概念是很费解的，他们对某些关于时间的概念也是如此。比如你对他说：“当我们从商店回家后你就可以画画了。”但是你的初学会走路的宝贝现在就要画！这些难以理解的（时间）概念是不会帮助你转移孩子的注意力的。因为他们根本不懂时间概念，所以你就更不应该认为他们现在就画是错误的行为。

Once a child passes age 2, discipline gets easier. She can finally understand why she shouldn't do something. Parents should begin introducing mild punishments (mainly time-outs) for when the child knowingly behaves badly.
Remember that discipline is a somewhat imperfect art. So don't be too hard on yourself if you find you're saying "no" more than "yes," or punishing your child for a crime he doesn't even understand. Discipline, after all, is about teaching, and parents and kids learn together.
孩子两岁后，规矩就变得简单易行了。孩子最终会明白为什么她们不应该做某事。当孩子们明知故犯时，父母应该开始引入轻微的惩罚。

binfeng2000

谢谢

LandG

读过，受益匪浅。试着翻译后面的部分，错误之处请指正。
你是不是在培养一个被宠坏了的小淘气鬼？
    如果孩子让你精疲力尽，那么是时候重新考虑规矩了。
    什么是宠坏？
没有一个人希望培养一个被宠坏的孩子，但是如果你有一个，你认识到了吗？按照祖父母的说法，所有的孩子都被宠坏了（他们有迪斯尼的影碟，婴儿Gap 衣橱，Gymboree 眼镜，等等）。 并且，很少有父母对他们的长辈采用强硬的方式，在很大程度上这是好的。但是有些时候为了成为更友好、更温和的父母，妈妈爸爸们把他们的小可爱视为掌上明珠，一些父母正在忍受孩子一些确实糟糕的行为。

LandG

Rex Forehand博士说（“养育固执的小孩”合作者），当然，所有的孩子都会打扰、哭闹、发脾气，这些行为对小孩子要表达自己的独立这是正常的。他指出，重要的是父母对孩子的行为如何反映。当孩子在家庭中处于支配地位，宠坏就产生了，父母很少有权威，孩子按照自己的意志行事。也就是说，你的孩子不是因为哭闹，就被宠坏了。而是如果他总是以哭闹来得到他所想要的，那就是被宠坏了。

儿童心理学家Severe说，诚然，每个孩子都有顺从和不顺从的时候，每个父母都有不坚持家庭规矩而屈从于孩子的时候。但是，当哭闹、挑剔、没有礼貌，这些行为成为小孩的一种常态的时候，你就有问题了。

LandG

儿童心理学家Severe说，诚然，每个孩子都有顺从和不顺从的时候，每个父母都有不坚持家庭规矩而屈从于孩子的时候。但是，当哭闹、挑剔、没有礼貌，这些行为成为小孩的一种常态的时候，你就有问题了。
为了测试一下你的状况，请回答一下问题：
1.你总是在筋疲力尽的情况下放弃而不是坚持原则？
2.你让孩子经常的插话打断成人的对话？
3.你总是通过购买玩具为了避免小孩发脾气和是你的孩子高兴，即使你的家里玩具已经够多的了。
4.你避免带他去超市，因为你不能处理另外一种令人为难的场面。
如果你回答是的问题超过两个，你可能正在培养一个被宠坏的小孩。
现在来探讨宠坏是很重要的，因为你所建立起来的这种模式将伴随你的家庭很多年。例如，如果一个二十个月的小孩从来没有听到过“不”这个词，她十三岁的时候听到这个词，她会怎么处理呢？希望她有大的改观？
        学者Claire说，宠坏的小孩在成长的早期都没有机会来处理失望。小孩早期的经历——适当的满意延迟——会一直贯彻到他们的成年期。（适当的满意延迟，这是一种教育方法）
为什么会产生宠坏？
太多的糖、太多的玩具、没有足够的规则，这是宠坏的主要因素。但是为什么会这样做呢？以下是主要的原因。
1.        你感到内疚
Gail Gross（儿童成长专家）讲，今天家庭的状态为宠坏创造了条件。今天的家庭，父母双方都工作，或者只有一方在家，感觉是：“我只有这么少的时间陪孩子，我希望它有趣。”有负疚感的父母倾向于对孩子过度溺爱和不遵守规则。她还补充说，这样做是家庭生活绝不会快乐。
        2. 你没有坚持的精力
一天你拒绝孩子用布丁作为早餐，尽管他哭闹。第二天（你和孩子一晚未睡，累了），你想：“好吧，这也没关系”，就让步了，这种行为会让孩子感到规则不是真的要遵守。
        3.你提供了太多的帮助
当小孩受到挫折的时候，很多父母会投入马上帮助他。孩子被宠坏了，因为他们开始什么事情都依赖父母——穿衣服、完成一个难题、取一个果汁盒，你的目标是鼓励孩子自己做事情，而不是帮他做。于是孩子说：“我可以自己做”
        4.你想给孩子所有的你以前所没有的东西。当然，买一些东西给孩子是有趣的，特别是他们超过了玩盒子的阶段的时候。但是给孩子太多会事与愿违，会导致他们热衷于寻求下一个新的东西，而不是满足于他们已有的。
        5.你确信他是故意调皮以引起注意
我们注意到，有些父母在看到自己孩子顶嘴、推其他小朋友、打翻易碎品时，会微笑。这些父母没有能力阻止这些行为，他们认为这是有趣的、有意义的。这样做比去面对这些问题要简单得多。但是其他人就没有这么快乐。没有约束的小孩在人际关系和归属上会有一个困难期。

LandG

不要宠坏你的孩子
一个好的消息是现在有相对宽松的时间来改变宠坏，对于初始者来说，专家同意父母应该设定一致的界限，有明确界限的孩子会有安全感，并且很少将不服从的行为付诸行动。
        Severe说，设定什么规则不是问题，重要的是如何始终如一地执行这些规则。对于一个小孩，最好能坚持三到四个不可改变的规则，如“不要敲击”、“不要打断大人说话”、“收拾自己的玩具”。因为太多的指令，会让大人和孩子都承受不了。
        如果你的孩子因为没有得到满足而打发脾气，尽量地忽视他的哭闹直到结束。一旦你的小孩意识到他不能得到想要的注意，他会很可能减少重复这种行为。“转移”是另外一种策略，通过孩子所感兴趣的事情来转移他的注意力，如他喜欢的玩具。
        Lerner说，确实非常困难，尽量不要把发怒看作是一个坏父母的标志，但是一旦发生，一开始就要加以阻止，明确和清楚地告诉他：“我爱你，你发脾气我非常难过，但是我不会让步，当你得不到满足的时候，不能敲东西和扔东西。”这也有助于孩子认识自己受挫折时的感受，正如所说的，“我知道非常困难停下来不玩，但是到了该回家的时间了。”理解他的感受，会让他更合作。
现在来改变宠坏是很困难的，但是回报是巨大的。你的小孩将会学会如何管理情绪，合作，遵守规则和自我控制。这会让你的孩子终生受益。
网上的这些信息只是为教育的目的设计的，不能替代任何的医学建议或医学检查。没有经过你的儿科医生或者家庭医师的建议，你不能用这些信息来诊断、治疗任何健康问题或者疾病。有任何问题关于你或者你的小孩的情况，请咨询医生。 （够严谨的）

LandG

(自我测试:你是不是在鼓励孩子的攻击性行为?)
很多孩子经历过愤怒的情感，有的选择通过身体表达出来。但是作为一个父母，你能够影响你的孩子来处理生气。你是否采用过有效的措施来阻止孩子的攻击性行为？
当你的孩子在争论中打别的孩子的时候
l        我立刻惩罚他
l        我想“孩子终归是孩子”
l        我没太注意
2）你设定了严格的规矩（哪些生气的行为是允许的，哪些是不允许的）？
l        是的，我坚持执行
l        我设定了规矩，但是有时候没有执行
3）我从来每和我的孩子讨论过你把这些规矩告诉保姆或者其他的看护者吗？
l        我没有想到
l        我没有设定规矩
4)你有没有告诉孩子来表达生气的一些非攻击性的方式？
有 没
5)你有没有为自己孩子的强硬感到自豪？
有  没有
6)你有没有用“打屁股”作为惩罚的方式？
有  没
7)你在家庭里如何来处理冲突？
l        和平解决
l        攻击性地
l        经常变化
8)你有没有努力教你的孩子来控制他的行为？
有 没
9)你控制自己的脾气怎样？
l        非常好
l        有些好
l        不太好
10)当你的孩子和平的解决了冲突，你有没有给予积极的反馈？
有 没
11)你承认你孩子的生气的感情吗？
是  否
12)如果你的孩子伤害了别的小孩，你想让孩子去道歉，你会：
l        我鼓励他去道歉，他伤害了别人
l        我强迫他去道歉，否则他会受到更严厉的惩罚。
测验结果
对你的小孩不鼓励攻击性行为，你做了一个非常好的工作，但是如果你的小孩有暴力倾向，你可以问自己以下问题：你有没有对生气表达的方式设置固定的、一致的界限；你是否鼓励你的孩子通过语言来表达生气；你是否认为孩子在表达自己的感情之前可以从容的调整自己。向孩子灌输自我控制是一个艰巨的任务，但是他有利于孩子的一生。

hulupig2002

收藏了！time out 好像是“罚时出局”的意思，是行为矫正治疗中的术语。讲的是为了减少孩子的不合理行为，在他做出这个行为的时候，让他停止正在进行的游戏或活动，以示惩罚。这个方法的最重要的方面是“立即”，出现一个不合理行为，立即进行相应的“出局”措施。或者停止游戏，或者在一个地方呆上一会停止一切活动。