帮助孩子们克服精神压力

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先把英文贴出来,看看以后有时间或有其他人愿不愿意翻译出来.


Helping Kids Cope With Stress


To adults, childhood can seem like a carefree time. But kids still experience stress. Things like school and social life can sometimes create pressures that can feel overwhelming for kids. As a parent, you can't protect your kids from stress — but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems.

A KidsHealth® KidsPoll showed that kids deal with stress in both healthy and unhealthy ways. It also revealed that while they may not initiate a conversation about what's bothering them, kids do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their troubles.

But it's not always easy for parents to know what to do for a child who's feeling stressed.

Here are a few ideas:

Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice that something's bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. ("It seems like you're still mad about what happened at the playground.") This shouldn't sound like an accusation (as in, "OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?") or put a child on the spot. It's just a casual observation that you're interested in hearing more about your child's concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

Listen to your child. Ask your child to tell you what's wrong. Listen attentively and calmly — with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what you think your child should have done instead. The idea is to let your child's concerns (and feelings) be heard. Try to get the whole story by asking questions like "And then what happened?" Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing. For example, you might say "That must have been upsetting," "No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn't let you in the game," or "That must have seemed unfair to you." Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you, and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it. Many kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him or her learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps kids communicate and develop emotional awareness — the ability to recognize their own emotional states. Kids who can do so are less likely to reach the behavioral boiling point where strong emotions get demonstrated through behaviors rather than communicated with words.
Help your child think of things to do. If there's a specific problem that's causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can get the brainstorm started if necessary, but don't do all the work. Your child's active participation will build confidence. Support the good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, "How do you think this will work?"

Listen and move on. Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that's needed to help a child's frustrations begin to melt away. Afterwards, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing. Help your child think of something to do to feel better. Don't give the problem more attention than it deserves.

Limit stress where possible. If certain situations are causing stress, see if there are ways to change things. For instance, if too many after-school activities consistently cause homework stress, it might be necessary to limit activities to leave time and energy for homework.

Just be there. Kids don't always feel like talking about what's bothering them. Sometimes that's OK. Let your kids know you'll be there when they do feel like talking. Even when kids don't want to talk, they usually don't want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there — keeping him or her company, spending time together. So if you notice that your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day — but doesn't feel like talking — initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some hoops, or bake some cookies. Isn't it nice to know that your presence really counts?

Be patient. As a parent, it hurts to see your child unhappy or stressed. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem-solver — a kid who knows how to roll with life's ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again.

Parents can't solve every problem as kids go through life. But by teaching healthy coping strategies, you'll prepare your kids to manage the stresses that come in the future.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: February 2009

亲亲_宝贝

试着翻译了一下冯版的东西，英文水平有限，还请大家更正。

对大人来讲，孩童时代看上无忧无虑。可是孩子还是面临压力。学校和社会有时会制造一些让孩子看来无法解脱的压力。作为父母，你无法帮助孩子摆脱压力，但是你可以帮助他们建立正确的方法去面对压力和解决每天的问题。

KidsHealth® KidsPoll显示小孩用健康和不健康的方法处理压力。并指出孩子也许说不出什么东西令他们心烦，不开心，但是孩子确实需要父母伸出援助之手，帮助他们处理他们的问题。

知道如何帮助孩子处理他们的压力，这对父母来说经常不是那么容易。

下面是一些方法：

留心观察。当你发觉你的孩子有心事，情绪低落的时候，告诉他（她）你注意到了。如果可能，告诉小孩他（她）现在的心情。有点象你很想知道在操场上发生了什么。但是不应该是指责，象你怎么啦？你还很在意那件事吗？也不是把小孩拉回到发生事情的现场。而是象不经意觉察到的，让孩子觉得你只是很想知道他（她）担心什么。同情他（她），关爱他（她），并理解他（她）。

认真倾听。询问孩子发生什么事情了。平静而认真地倾听，表示出兴趣，耐心，开放的态度，并表示极大的关心。避免评判，指责，说教，或说些诸如此类你孩子应该怎么怎么做，而他（她）却没有做的话。重点是让孩子说出他的担心和感受。尽量用“然后发生什么了？”这样的问题来了解完整的事件。给足时间来了解，不要匆忙。并鼓励孩子也慢慢来，不必着急。

简短地评论你认为你孩子所经历的感受。比如你可以说“那一定很令人烦恼的。”“当他们不让你参加游戏的时候，难怪你会生气。”或者“那一定对你很不公平！”这样让你的孩子感觉到你非常理解他的感受，明白事情的原因，而且你非常在意他。这样孩子就能从被理解和被倾听中感觉到你的支持，这点对在压力中的孩子非常重要。

为情绪做标签。很多孩子无法表达出他们的感受。如果你的孩子看上去生气或者泄气，用词语帮助他区分这些情绪。把情绪用语言表达出来可以帮助他传达和发展情感知觉---一种自我情感状态意识的能力。有这种能力的孩子不容易爆发行为问题。这种行为问题通常是用行为来表达强烈的情绪而不是用语言来沟通。

帮助孩子找到解决问题的方法。如果有特定的问题导致压力，共同商讨如何应对。鼓励孩子想出若干个方法。如有必要，可以用头脑风暴开始，但是不要全部都你来做。孩子的积极参与有利于他自信心的建立。对好的点子给予正面肯定，并补充一些方法。可以问：“这个方法有没有用呢？”

听听然后转移。有时候说说，听听和被理解会化解孩子的挫败感。然后转移话题，转移到更正面和轻松的话题上。帮助孩子找些好受的事情做。不要给问题更多的关注。

在可能的地方限制压力。如果一些特定的情形导致压力，看看有没有办法改变这些情形。比如，太多课后活动影响了家庭作业的完成，可以限制课后活动的数量让孩子有更多的时间和精力来完成家庭作业。

只是陪伴。有时候孩子并不想说什么事情惹他烦了。那就让他去。让孩子知道当他想说的时候你就在他旁边。即使当孩子不想说的时候，他们只是不想让大人让他们独自呆着。陪伴孩子，和孩子一起度过时光可以帮助孩子感觉好些。所以当你觉得你孩子心情不好，紧张焦虑，或者过了不好的一天的时候，并且感觉他不想说话的时候，想一些你们可以一起做的事情。散散步，看一场电影，shoot some hoops，或者烤点饼干。你的陪伴很重要，知道这点不是很好吗？

耐心点。作为父母，看到孩子不开心，紧张焦虑，都会心痛。不要想着去修补所有的问题。相反，应该关注怎样帮助孩子，慢慢而坚定地帮助孩子成为一个解决问题的能手。这就需要孩子知道怎样处理生活中的起落，把情感用语言表达出来，当需要的时候平静下来，并且懂得弹回去再试试。

孩子成长过程中，父母不可能帮孩子解决所有问题。但是可以教他们正确的应对策略，这样你的孩子就可以很好地处理将来生活中碰到的压力。

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