也无风雨也无晴

女儿是天使

Play And Social Skills

Play and social skills are among the most important siklls your child needs to learn. The quality of your child's life will improve dramatically through play and social connections.Deficiencies in these areas often lead to isolation, boredom and even depression. Being able to play with other children in a meaningful way will increase your child's happiness and provide him with a vehicle to learn important lessons about the world and how to get along with people as well as help abstract cognitive skills. As described below, there are many other benefits to teaching social and play skills.

[U]FACILITATION OF LANGUAGE[/U]

Children's language development can be effectively stimulated through play and social skills. We usually see at least as much development of language through play and social skills as through structured therapy. Structured therapy is certainly an important part of the process but goes together with carefully enjineered play and social activities to make a complete program.

Children are far more inclined to vocalize when they are relaxed and having fun. Speech and approximations of speech occur more readily on a swing in the pool or jumping on a trampoline than when they are in a 1:1 teaching situation. Conducting overly structured discrete trials in a chair may actually inhibit language. Consequently, we suggest starting verbal imitation in a playful situation. It may be advisable to begin with Communication Temptations (please refer to "Curriculum") in unstructured environments.

Language is developed far more naturally through social interaction and play. Children learn from other children how to speak naturally and childlike. Adults teaching language to children often produce adult sounding language. For example, in response to the question, "How old are you?", children are sometimes taught to say, "four years old" or "I am four years old." Although this is a polite answer, it is far too formal and not how children typically respond. Three-year-olds do not even give a verbal answer; they simply hold up three fingers. Four-year-olds will hold up four fingers and say "four." Older children answer this question by simply giving the number (e.g., "five", "ten", etc.). Such non-child responses make the child sound unnatural and can sometimes complicate the integration process.

女儿是天使

多谢版主的支持和帮助。T版就是T版，读T版翻译的文字是享受。

是啊，ZC在236楼里说：“感觉上训练师是为了训练而训练，本应该生动的学习过程反而被弄得枯燥无味，然后还得想办法在生活中泛化。孩子本来就应该在生活中学习。”这话真是没错，而嘟嘟这样的孩子欠缺的恰恰是在生活中学习的能力。ABA的教学模式帮助他们先构建最基础的东西，为的是让他们能够在日常的生活中学会观察，提高在生活中学习的能力。使孩子具备一定的游戏和社会性能力的另一个好处正是 INCIDENTAL LEARNING。

在这个章节里，特别提到的是，自闭症孩子往往在结构化的情境下注意力更集中，这使得训练者不情愿跟孩子在不那么结构化的状态下工作。然而，如果不尽早摆脱这样的局面，情况只会变得更糟，对孩子的长期发展是个阻碍。孩子必须要尽早的适应在更自然的场景中学习。这样才能使孩子更成功的融入到群体中。

在嘟嘟刚开始ABA的时候，我们的目的是让她能适应关起门来在训练间和老师有效的进行一对一训练。现在她已经喜欢上了桌面教学，常常很主动的去到桌边。这时候我们的训练组开始有意识的让她离开桌面，离开训练间，准备尝试在开放的客厅跟她做一些项目。与此同时，另一方面，也努力使她在坐下的时候，能坐得更久一点。

女儿是天使

提高孩子的游戏和社交能力，使孩子融入到同龄人中的再一个好处是SOCIAL REINFORCEMENT。
下面的文字描述了同龄孩子所起的重要作用。

Perhaps one of the biggest benefits of social skills training is the importance that peers assume. Peers will become a significant influence for your child, often far more powerful than adults. We have often found that peers can stop inappropriate behavior faster, more effectively and far more naturally than teachers can. Additionally, their consequences are much less contrived. Adults tend to sound therapeutic (e.g.,"Use your words," "You are not being a good friend," "Are you feeling angry?", etc.), while children will be far more direct, politically incorrect, natural and effective (e.g., "Don't do that!", "Give it to me!," "That's weird!," etc.). Their actions can also provide effective natural consequences such as taking a toy back.

With time your child will develop a desire to please his peers. This is a crucial hurdle in the intervention process. It exemplifies the process of internalizing the desire to learn. Peers will come to be natural supports for appropriate behaviors. Consequently, generalization is far more likely to occur. Adult monitoring subsequently becomes less necessary. We have found integration substantially more successful when peers are viewed as important by the autistic child.

女儿是天使

T版，万万不敢给您homework。但下面的这部分内容就更有益了，特别是对那些误解ABA较深的和不敢让孩子玩，争分夺秒教认知的训练者们。T版周末的时候要是“顺手”，就也给翻了吧：-）

RESISTANCE TO TEACHING SOCIAL AND PLAY SKILLS

If you are feeling resistant to the notion of devoting a great deal of teaching time and effort to play and social skills, you are not alone! The majority of parents do not view this as a priority and qestion the importance. These are comments we hear frequently:

"I am more concerned right now with getting him to speak"
"Once he has language then we can work on social skills"
"I don't want to take any time away from speech and academics"
"My other children don't have lots of friends so why should my autistic child?"

As discussed above, the answer to these objections is that play is an important avenue for enhancing language and learning in general. Additionally, although not all people are social, nearly everyone learns from observing social interactions. Therefore, it is essential that your child have an opportunity to learn this way as well! In terms of priority, we see play as paramount.

Another big reason why there may be so much resistance to working on play is that it is extremely difficult to teach these behaviors. Unlike language and academic skills, where you can develop a structured curriculum, teaching play and social skills requires far more flexibility.

The specific play and social skills you teach will largely be based upon the skills of the target group of peers. Therefore, we cannot give you a specific curriculum of play and social skills. (举例说明了不同国家不同地域的孩子玩的东西不同，省略）

Similar to toy play, social behaviors differ just as widely as toy play. For example, how children initiate peer interaction varies widely. Whereas most adults teach children to approach and ask "do you want to play with me?", this in reality is not the way most normal interaction occurs. In some areas, children simply play next to a child and then gradually incorporate themselves into the play. Often children simply lead a new friend by the hand in order to facilitate social play. In some situations, children may simply make a comment as an initiation (e.g., "I have a toy like that" ) or ask a question (e.g., "where did you get that?"). No one way is better, there are just a variety of ways that children typically instigate social play. Thus, it is crucial to identify the way children play in your neighborhood.

Because of the tremendous variety of play and social behaviors, they are difficult skills to teach. Therefore, parents and teachers often fall back to the comfort of teaching more defined and structured skills. Although Discrete Trial Teaching techniques are used when teaching these skills, it requires far more creativity in its implementation.  One must be subtler in prompting and providing consequences, for example.  Additionally, it is extremely beneficial if the teacher possesses great play and social skills.

Perhaps one of the greatest sources of resistance is the feeling that the child's behaviors must be brought under control before play can be attempted. Behavior problems become much more evident in the less structured setting of play and social interaction. Naturally, this is not a good reason to avoid teaching these skills. In fact, it is just the reason to work on it. Additionally, it is essential to address behavior problems in all situations!!!

One final reason we have heard for postponing teaching these skills is the argument that children need language for social skills. Certainly language is helpful, but it is not essential. All one has to do is go to a park where children from different cultures are playing. You will quickly see that they are able to play beautifully even though they do not speak the same language. So go ahead and work hard on developing basic language and cognitive skills but do not delay getting started on play and socialization.

女儿是天使

ABA把提高游戏能力看成头等大事。ABA从不否认玩的重要。那其它的训练方法也重视玩啊，它们有怎样的不同呢？正在做RDI的“快乐小鱼”说：“RDI是游戏。错，非常错。RDI是一个人际互动。”那么地板时光呢，比较服从孩子的兴趣。而ABA的目的性是极强的，它明确的直接要达到的现实效果是使孩子融入同龄人。玩符合孩子年纪的，玩符合孩子性别的，玩同龄伙伴所玩的，是ABA训练游戏能力的特色。ABA反对大人想当然的去“认为”孩子喜欢什么，不喜欢什么，这样做的后果是限制了孩子游戏能力的发展。ABA行为训练的目的正是要扩展孩子的兴趣。尽管发展孩子这方面的能力是需要一些时间的，但这正是我们应该做的。事实也证明很多孩子先学会了某种玩法，才喜欢上了。不是吗？

[U]AGE APPROPRIATE[/U]. One objective in teaching play is to give your child the skills that will lead to an increase in social play with peers. Therefore, it is essential to choose play that is typical for his age group. Although his abilities may not, as yet, be commensurate with his chronological age, we still suggest choosing toys that come as close as possible to his chronological age. In most circumstances, a child will be able to learn some level of age-appropriate skills regardless of his current developmental functioning. Playing with toys that are associated with a much younger age can have the effect of stigmatizing children and interfering with acceptance by peers. The selection of play items can also impact self-esteem and the maturity level to which the child aspires. Age-appropriateness also applies to other issues such as clothes, back packs, lunch boxes, haircuts, general appearance and interests. Appearance and level of play can subtly influence how adults view and interact with the child. You want to ensure that all teachers and caregivers have appropriately high expectations, giving himcredit for being capable and mature.
The best way to determine age-appropriateness is to simply watch what toys other children are using. Naturally, a good method is asking children and their parents what their favorite toys are. You can also go to a toy store and ask or read on the toy what the recommended ages are.

[U]GENDER APPROPRIATE.[/U] This can be a controversial topic since today's society is generally much more accepting of children playing with all defferent toys. While playing with dolls or in a toy kitchen used to be primarily thought of as "girls" toys or activities, many boys engage in such play today. Similarly, girls being involved in rough play and sports is quite common. Despite society's increased enlightenment regarding this topic, we still need to be cautious and aware of the toys and activities that are more likely to be used by your child's peers, so that integration is facilitated.

[U]PEER [/U][U]APPROPRIATE.[/U] Although a toy or activity may be age and gender appropriate, that alone does not guarantee that it would be a toy that your child's peers typically play with. Peer appropriate means that a toy or play activity is likely to be accepted by the peers your child will be socializing with. In order to maximize the opportunity for integration, you should also look at what toys his peers are playing with. Otherwise, the probability of social play is greatly reduced.

女儿是天使

谢谢两位版主和楼上妈妈们。
niuniuma的问题距离我还有一点遥远，是真正的“SOCIAL PLAY”了。我还没有这方面的经历和体会。看看Ron Leaf 和 John McEachin两位大师给出怎样的建议吧：

niuniuma在上一帖和自己的帖子里几次提到了一个词“挂钩”，正是这个词。在帮助孩子建立社交圈子的开始先别急于发展他们的互动，在头几次邀请别的孩子来玩时，每次不必用很长的时间，半小时就够了，先让别的孩子和自己的孩子挂上钩。可以用一些美味食品或者新奇的玩具来吸引他们，当他们告别时，还期待着下次能再来你家，这个目的就达到了。（心理学家，厉害吧？人家自己非要来，你就不觉得过意不去了吧？是不是典型ABA思想？食品玩具充当强化物，再慢慢过渡到社会的层面？）

的确，如果有两个以上的孩子同时来坐客，那么这之间的关系就变得微妙和复杂了，所以大师们建议先叫一个小朋友来玩，发展一对一的互动关系，以后再叫来两个、三个。如果是一个小朋友来，选择一个年龄稍大过自己孩子的会比较理想，因为稍大的孩子不仅各方面能力比较高，也更加有耐心可以陪伴我们的孩子。如果是一帮孩子，建议邀请比自己孩子年龄稍小的，这样他们的游戏水平可能更接近。

不要让其他的孩子知道你是为了做“THERAPY”，越自然越不留痕迹越好。大人不要成为孩子的中心，如果不是万不得已，不要干扰孩子们之间的互动。所以如果在两位大师看来，你代替孩子回答问题是欠妥当的。（这跟图片交流的最初阶段，辅助人员只能从身后辅助，不能给与眼神和语言暗示的道理是一样的，这会影响到孩子和沟通对象之间的互动，使孩子有依赖性，不利用辅助的撤出。）

希望这回答了你一部分问题。如果需要更详细的原文，我可以帖出来。

女儿是天使

楼上妈妈们，容我慢慢回复啊。。。


耳机里的秘密


前天晚饭后，嘟嘟又在往地上扔积木玩，我忽视。没完没了，叮叮咚咚的，我心里这个烦，真想------打、、、只是想想而已。能总是心平气和吗？反正我不能。但我允许自己的心自由一下，心里想着揍她一顿也舒服点，不过行为上还是要控制住。于是我倒在床上用MP4把耳朵堵住，听刘若英，为爱痴狂，不再理她。一会儿她开始爬上床来跟我腻味。我忽然来了兴致，嬉皮笑脸摘下右边的耳机要给她塞上，跟她说：“你听吗？你听一个，听一个嘛！”她极力推挡。（画外音：这是什么东西？什么东西啊？凭什么往我耳朵里放？！）但我对她还是有一点了解的。平时如果喂她什么在她看来的“不明食物”遭到拒绝，最好就不动声色把吃的留在桌上，等等她会自己去拿着吃。我不再勉强她，只是把右耳塞递到她手里，左耳的留给自己听。她果然学着我的样子把耳机放耳朵里，位置真准。不听不知道，一听真奇妙，她显然喜欢了。听一会儿，摘下来给我，再听一会儿。。。我把两个耳塞都给她，她动作娴熟的放进耳朵，真享受啊。老公出去买菜的功夫，回来看到他女儿会自己听耳机了，美。

女儿是天使

先把niuniuma感兴趣的一些原文贴出来。niuniuma可能不太喜欢“剧本”式的训练方式，就参考一下吧。不过，我本人在瑞士也参加过一些communication的课程。事实上，凡与交流沟通技巧相关的所有训练根本不可能做到完全的随心所欲，不留“剧本”痕迹。眼神如何，表情如何，语气如何，手势怎样做，如何应付别人的问答。。。即使是针对普通成年人的社交训练也是一样的方式，并且也要经常有意识的“泛化”到日常的生活中去。

SOCIAL PLAY

In preparation for the peer sessions, appropriate play skills should be identified and taught in 1:1 discrete trial sessions. When your child has learned a few play skills begin the peer interaction with brief sessions. For example, arrange for the peer to come over for 30 minutes. The first couple of sessions should be aimed at making the experience highly reinforcing for both your child and the peer. This may mean no formal teaching until both children are hooked on the experience through such fun activities as baking chocolate chip cookies, making Kool-Aid, playing with a freat toy, and swimming in the pool. In particular, the peer should leave eagerly looking forward to the next visit.

These play dates provide the perfect opportunity to identify which play and social skills that your child must learn in formal therapy. Not only will you be able to identify your child's deficits but the peer's play, social and language skills will become the standard. Therapy should focus on developing the most critical skills so that further social dates will be productive and enjoyable.

Once the peer seems to be enjoying coming over to your house and your child has learned some of the necessary prerequisite skills, it will be time to start attempting to sneak in teaching. The teaching occurs during approximately three "trials" lasting no more than three minutes each. During each "trial" you do a different activity. Select activities that are interactive and enjoyable for both of the children. These "trials" should be invisible to the children. In particular, the peer should not be able to tell that you are doing "therapy." The adult's role should be as informal as possible. Do not overly structure the activity, but have in mind a script that you can fall back on if the play stalls or goes in a wrong direction. The script is really a guideline for the teacher to follow if prompting is necessary.

Each activity should be one that your child is already familiar with from previous training. For each activity you should develop specific goals for behaviors you want to occur. Examples include language to use, eye contact, turn taking, where to be, and what to do. Naturally, teachers should understand age appropriate language and behavior so that they can facilitate and promote interactions that will help the autistic child fit into the play of other children his age. Sometimes we adults view play with an adult eye and therefore create adult play behavior.

Be sure to reinforce the peer for cooperative behavior. If necessary, prompt the peer as subtly as possible to ask questions and give directives to your child. Make sure your child responds to the peer. Do not let the peer do things for your child. If your child takes a toy from the peer, facilitate giving it back. If the peer asks the adult a question instead of the child, have the peer ask the child. The adult should not become the focus of the peer's interactions. The goal is to be as unobtrusive as possible. Do not intervene or interact unless absolutely necessary!!!

Be flexible with the time guidelines. You may need to adjust them very quickly. Spontaneous behavior should always take precedence over the script. Never interrupt something positive that is happening. Do not be too quick to give derectives or prompts so that there is ample opportunity for spontaneous behavior to occur.

Gradually lengthen the duration of the trials and the length of the overall play session. As both children become more familiar with the routine, you can introduce the concept of taking turns choosing an activity. It does not have to be an activity that both find highly enjoyable. Additionally, you should arrange play sessions with other peers so that your child learns to accommodate to the play styles of different children. In the beginning you should stick with one-on-one play dates. Later on you can organize play dates with two or more peers at the same time. Be aware that the interpersonal dynamics are much more complex in groups of three or more and this will present new challenges for your child.

女儿是天使

熊宝宝：我很高兴你能常来这里，更高兴你说还有收获。祝福你的孩子和家人。

EAN妈妈：“这里的孩子多半是寂寞的”，是啊，即使没有自闭症，这都是个值得探讨的大话题。想想旧式的大家庭，想想过去人们的居住环境，用得着大人挖空心思的琢磨怎么让孩子挂钩吗？如今的家庭结构越来越简单，人和人之间的交往越来越淡漠，可是这个社会对孩子的要求却越来越高。

考拉妈妈提到的age-appropriate的确非常重要，T版在300楼有详细的翻译。除此之外，peer appropriate也很重要。即使孩子玩的玩具适龄，哪怕是超龄，但不是周围同伴们所玩的，也会大大减少融入群体的机会。如果是在国内的家长，看看身边的孩子在玩什么相信已经足够，不必太在意西方的小孩在玩什么。

太阳之木：太过细节的总结不是我擅长的。我把嘟嘟现在正在进行的内容笼统的说一下吧。1，配对分类。2，模仿。3，听指令。4，我不知道用中文或英文该怎么翻译，比如眼神交流、问候告别、肢体感官游戏等一系列非语言的交流和互动。5，户外游戏和运动。6， 图片交流。7，作为TASK的玩具训练。8，生活自理。9，广义上的玩具和游戏。大致是这样的。

星星_月亮：握个手。我也在看你的帖子，也一直有看乘乘爸爸的博客“小马过河”。多多交流！

蜜橙妈妈：是啊，为孩子痴狂，为自闭痴狂。我这儿刚做完年度员工评估。头儿对我的评价中有一条是工作时注意力非常集中，呵呵。我是专心的上以琳呢。

女儿是天使

T版的速度真是快呀！非常感谢。
niuniuma：我完全理解你说的。我也就是在这动动嘴皮子，纸上瞎谈兵，真要轮到我，更加不知道该怎么办呢。。。

女儿是天使

智力测试（一）


已经训练6个月了。每6个月，要给嘟嘟进行一次智力测试。智力测试分两场，昨天进行的是第一场。

测试进行了一个小时，中间有一次很短暂的休息。都是用视觉考认知，题目是训练中没有出现过的。嘟嘟答对的不少，答错的也不少。我认为大多数的题目并不超出她的能力范围，可是她的注意力太有限了。注意力集中的时候没有问题，不集中时就有点胡来了。明明可以做对的也做错了。

不过考官珍妮和训练师汤尼亚还很满意，总跟我说没有关系。她们帮我回忆，六个月前没有开始训练时，嘟嘟根本没有能力做这项测试，那时她还不肯进机构大门，见到陌生人就大哭大叫，屋门一关她就要冲出去，更别说坐下了，最后我们只能取消了这个测试。现在，她可以跟没见过面的珍妮合作愉快，在桌子前坐上一个小时，要求她始终注意力集中还不太现实，但至少她一直在做着，情绪稳定。她们说，半年以后一定会更好，那时我将会看到训练是怎样帮助了她。

测试过程中，嘟嘟喜爱的薯片充当强化物。即使答错了，也能得到薯片吃。我不解。珍妮和汤尼亚解释，这时的强化物和训练中的强化物作用不同，测试时强化物的作用是让嘟嘟能够一直做下去，无论正确还是错误。

女儿是天使

谢谢EAN妈妈的鼓励哦！那天一个小时里，做了多少道题，我是记不清的了。可以肯定的是，不能象平时的训练，每个回合等嘟嘟注意力集中了才开始，因为根本没有那个时间，因为注意力也是智力的一部分。不过不管怎样，半年前是“不可测”的，现在“可测”了，仅这一点，也的确让我高兴，成绩是次要的，重在参与和肯合作的态度。呵呵。

嘟嘟的舅舅来出差，在我们这个城市有短暂的停留，趁着工作的间隙和我们见了两次面。舅舅上次来见到嘟嘟是半年多以前了，嘟嘟和那时还是有挺大不同的。我自己成天深陷在自闭症里，往往把孩子的进步放大来看，问题也放大来看，专业的培训老师也难免这样吧。所以另外一些人，好像舅舅这样的，对自闭有一些了解，又没有太过细节的了解，一段时间没见过嘟嘟，不知道训练的详细计划和进程，他们的粗略印象，对我有特别的意义。舅舅说，上次的嘟嘟很急躁，爱哭闹，这次安静了，听话了，人也高兴了，能看着他的眼睛笑了，只是不大说话。我说，说话还没那么快，还要再等等，前面的那些评价已经很让我知足。

周末和舅舅去了邻近的小国家列支敦士登，驾车往返约3个小时，中午在一家餐厅就餐，在瓦杜斯街头散步，嘟嘟的表现与“正常”孩子无异。

人人都盼着孩子快快长大和进步吧，我却希望时间就此停止下来。对于未来，我不悲观，也不乐观，只是相信，今后一定会有某种时刻，我会怀念今天这样的日子。尽管不是曾经设想的生活，还是要珍惜，当然，包括和各位在这里的相识和相聚。

女儿是天使

记忆里第一次读三毛的书是在十二岁那年。连我自己也不知道三毛在多大程度上影响了我，如果没有三毛，我的生活还是不是现在这个样子。譬如说，如果没有三毛，我是不是还会嫁给一个异国人，如果没有三毛，我是不是还在年少的时候就立志周游各国，远走他乡。

超过二十个年头过去了。偶然间翻到一些三毛的文字，竟然发现这些文字对于今天的我仍然是有意义的。把下面三毛说过的话跟楼上好好妈妈、筱筱妈妈、考拉妈妈还有路过的朋友分享：

在我的人生观里，并没有成功与失败的绝对准则。总认为：不断的自我提升、自我调整、自我修正、自我快乐，就叫做渐进的成功。我们可以高高兴兴地活着，不但只是存活，更要过得饱满而热烈，将每一个平凡的日子，都发出光和热来。每一天，平平实实地去把握，就无愧于天地。

很想说的是：每一个人，都有他本身的物质基础和基因。如果我们的健康情形好一点，身体强壮些，许多烦恼和神经质的反应，都会比较容易对付。你做不做运动？散不散步？有没有每天大笑三次？有没有深呼吸？吃得够不够营养？睡眠是好还是不好？以上的几点，决定百分之五十的你快不快乐。

成功与成熟，必须付出相等的代价。世上没有白吃的午餐，世上也没有不劳而获的成就。一般人往往盼望立即的收获，却忽略了，即使一颗微小的麦子种在土中，也得等待那缓慢的生长。岁月看似无情，但是，只要我们坚持而努力，多年之后，时间必然会给我们一个明确的答案和一份自然而然的成绩。

在这个世界上，很多人不够快乐，不够开朗，不懂得如何从无可奈何的情况里去求得生存之爱。我们应做聪明人，做智者、勇者，就算天大的事发生了，也不自弃，心平气和地为生活争取最合理的解决之道。做个有弹性又豁达的人，当是我们一生所追寻的生活艺术。

许多人认为，忙碌是忘掉忧伤的良药。我个人却觉得，安静才是化解痛苦的好方法。没有用“克服”而用“化解”这两个字，只因为后者来得更合自然。“克服”两字，显然隐藏着几分刚强，对于健康不但无益，同时必须动用忍字心头那把刀呀。“化解”便如清流，如朝雾，如落花，如流水，一切自然而然，随波逐浪。心无执著，痛苦就此化去，是更佳的办法。

女儿是天使

我正在高速路上驾车，接到老公一个紧急电话：“你知道发生什么事了？”我心忐忑，孩子摔着了？我说你赶紧说，我不能久听。原来呀，老公在几间屋里找不到嘟嘟，最后发现她自己去了厕所，正坐在马桶上大便呢。这可是值得纪念的一天。以往她最好的表现也不过是拉着我们去厕所。又长本事了，自己脱了裤子蹬梯子坐上去的。（她的马桶座圈连着脚梯）

女儿是天使

分歧一：如厕训练


与机构的意见有分歧，其实也不是一天两天了。每当有家长说，羡慕我们的团队如何如何，我总是无言以对，不知说什么好，不知怎么说才好。而且就如冯斑的“马甲心理学”所讲，天天在这里露面，时间久了，一些情绪化的抱怨反而不容易说出口了。再说，我觉得自己有道理吧，也不能说人家就没有道理。我们和训练师的关系不是简单的雇佣和被雇佣的关系，我们是个团队，既是团队，我们做家长的还得由训练师来管理，教什么，不教什么，怎么教，得听他们的。这样就很爽吗？未必。先摆个实例上来，就说如厕训练吧。

今天嘟嘟不光自己坐马桶大便，还有两次自己去小便了。我认为应该把这项训练继续下去。

在这之前，嘟嘟基本完成了SCHEDULE TRAINING，就是每隔一个小时提醒她去厕所。如果有用ABA训练上厕所的家长应该知道，做到这一步，离最后的成功也还早呢，这之后还有逐渐延长间隔时间，直到两三个小时去一次，训练主动意识。。。国内的家长往往更早就开始着手解决这个问题，我们开始的已经算晚了。

本来嘟嘟已经不穿纸尿裤了，这一段因为天气又转冷了，她又起湿疹，我们如果带她外出就又用上了纸尿裤，当然这肯定对正在进行的训练是不利的，而且因为痒，她的注意力也受影响，虽然去厕所的主动意识进步了，SCHEDULE TRAINING 却有退步，不能完全避免事故。但我相信，可以再好起来，现在应该趁热打铁，尤其这主动意识多不容易啊。

但我们的主管训练师却希望中止如厕训练。她说嘟嘟太小了！说现阶段她有很多的任务要学，如厕训练放到四岁五岁都不晚。如果老师们在ABA训练中每隔一个小时辅助她上一次厕所，还要正强化负强化什么的，占去的时间太多了，甚至还建议我们重新用上纸尿裤。我说这个训练我们自己来慢慢解决，不必放到她们的职责里去，不成！她说要做就必须认认真真的严严格格的做，不能做不到位，否则不如不做，训练老师们如此，我们也得如此，即使她起了湿疹不舒服，我们外出时也不得再例外的擅自穿上纸尿裤。如果出了“事故”，一定要有相应的“惩罚”措施，不能不了了之就算了、、、最后她让一步，给了我们一个期限（几个星期我都忘了，当时光顾走神呢），每一个小时辅助一次（ABA训练中一个小时是规定的最短间隔时间），如果仍不能完全避免事故，中止如厕训练。

女儿是天使

下面引用由binfeng2000发表的内容：

---我到是同意她的看法啊,在国外还是比较宽容的,只要老师不抱怨,晚一点厕所训练也无妨,重点还是要抓紧机会在其他的训练上...

冯版毕竟经历的多了，看问题就是豁达，能抓主要矛盾。您这么一说，我心里痛快了不少，看来自己想事还是不够灵活和有弹性。

女儿是天使

下面引用由XYNHHQLD发表的内容：

我有点不知该不该说，说什么好了。但还是说吧。

我家女儿好好也是在这个月13号晚上偶尔自己自主地用了一次坐便器，我们顺势开始如厕训练。四五天过去了，居然一次事故未出，好几次好好自行解决了，其他都是...

该说，当然要说！各位的意见对我来说都很珍贵，使我的思路和视角更开阔。

“不仅仅是如厕训练，其他的也是，训练师因为见多了ZB的小孩，又有训练的理论和方法支持，经验是比我们这些家长多得多。但，每个小孩除了共性，还有非常非常多的个性的，而这些个性，恰恰是我们这些作父母的才最清楚。照搬教条是不错，有时是否也可灵活一点？嘟嘟自己如厕是个闪亮的火花，就这样任其自生自灭或强行熄灭真的太可惜！”--------完全同意。就是因为这样，我们在具体操作上也会有一些冲突，她们觉得我们不够配合，有些不满。

比如他们坚持让嘟嘟在马桶上坐满五分钟，还专门准备一盒子“厕所强化物”，供她坐在马桶上时玩，我就觉得没必要，因为我了解和相信嘟嘟的身体，她有就是有，没有就是没有，就算偶尔失误了，也用不着每次都那么死板吧。再比如，嘟嘟在提醒下或是自己主动去上厕所，成功大小便，我就表扬她，她也非常高兴。但训练师说表扬是不够的，我应该给她更大的惊喜，例如迅速的奖励她爱吃的食物。一边上厕所一边吃食物？我想想就觉得怪异。今天我倒是试验了一次，拿来一碟薯片，被嘟嘟推一边儿去了。但训练师的理由是我的表扬和她们的表扬带给嘟嘟的快乐在程度上是有很大不同的，她们操作时更倾向物质强化。还有，当出了事故以后，我试图用语言或手势让嘟嘟明白她应该去厕所，她们坚持要用一种嘟嘟不喜欢的行为（例如立刻淋湿她双脚什么的）进行负强化，不责备，还甚至也不说任何话，因为对有些孩子来说，他们可能喜欢听你的唠叨甚至是责怪，等于是正面强化了出事故。

她们完全照理论来，希望训练进行得迅速和有效，我们则有点随心所欲，哪怕节奏慢一些，但希望更自然。也许我从心理上，对用ABA方法训练上厕所没有完全接受。

女儿是天使

冯版说的是，最后那句话，补充得好。我刚才本来是想多说两句，没敢，就怕国内家长拍砖。现在说出来。

看了冯版的332楼，我想想也是，训练大小便自理为什么呀，不就是为了让周围的人接受，不给人添麻烦吗。现在是我不训练，人家更接受，训练了，倒给人添麻烦了。让孩子融入社会，还得考虑是融入哪个社会。

训练师希望把有限的时间合理的分配。如果现在进行厕所训练，需要的时间相对会长一些。如果等孩子的综合能力进一步提高之后再训练，需要的时间会短。

不过，她们不是让了一步吗，再看一段时间，真希望嘟嘟表现好一点，让我有机会继续下去。

女儿是天使

下面引用由katelam发表的内容：

筱筱的遗尿又复发，而且中药也无效了，还是行为问题，多羡慕你家小天使自个儿爬去上厕所呢，让老师尽快开始训练吧，我也好取经，呵呵。

遗尿为什么一定是行为问题呢？我怎么还是觉得是生理上的问题啊。希望筱筱快点好起来。能乖乖的把中药吃下去，才让我羡慕死呢。

尽管我对用ABA训练上厕所的一些操作细节有保留意见，但基本的注意事项，我还是很认可的，总结几条重要的给大家参考一下。当然，我比较针对的是跟嘟嘟年龄和程度差不多的孩子。

1.如果准备进行厕所训练，建议直接训练孩子坐马桶，不要用便盆。因为我们最终的目的是要孩子坐在马桶上，有的孩子用惯了自己熟悉的便盆不愿意坐马桶，这不是兜了一大圈吗。筱筱妈妈给筱筱准备的马桶座圈是最理想的模本，嘟嘟的也是一样的。

2.开始时固定间隔的时间提醒孩子上厕所。如果孩子还做不到憋尿一个小时至一个半小时以上，说明生理上还欠准备，不建议开始厕所训练。

3.为什么要固定间隔的时间呢？例如每个小时一次。可能孩子能憋的更久，但我们不能等到孩子真正想尿了才提醒孩子去，这样无疑会增加可能出现的事故，还会增加孩子对大人提醒的依赖性。更加重要的是，孩子不仅需要学会大小便要去厕所，还要学会去厕所要大小便，这对日常的生活很重要。

4.同样的道理，即使估计孩子某些时候憋不到一小时那么久，也不要更频繁的提醒孩子去。虽然这会减少事故的发生，但我们的目的不是暂时的不出事故，而是让孩子学会上厕所的本领。出事故也是学习过程中的必要，孩子需要通过出事故来学会控制大小便。

5.如果是男孩子，当然如果他有本领很快的分清坐着大便，站着小便，可以这样教他。当他这个能力还不具备时，无论大便小便都坐下来进行，等到他学会以后，可以再教他小便时站起来。这跟“区分学习能力”是一样的道理：-）

目前想到的先这么多。
[em04]

女儿是天使

下面引用由niuniuma发表的内容：

你们训练组什么都管啊，上回连看过敏医生都要管。

他们管的还要多呢。这不，我们眼下的训练费用还是人家帮着从基金会申请的呢。我是不是应该觉得特幸运啊？还是特窝囊？人家帮你找钱，但限制父母一方去工作，又负责培训父母，这个国家的福利是不是特别好啊？可你就人在屋檐下，不得不低头。所以我才会常常不知道说什么好。