以琳自闭症论坛

标题: 孩子的异常语言，说反话等，折磨着我 [打印本页]
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-12 18:23
标题: 孩子的异常语言，说反话等，折磨着我
孩子的语言交流基本问题不大，顶多是语序和语言罗列问题。
但是最近2周开始，总是答非所问，或者说反话，让我很烦心。
1、陈远，你的手指甲怎么黑了？——答：我也挤别人
   其实他是想说，我的手指甲被别人用门挤了，我也要挤他
2、陈远，你看，路左边有一辆甲壳虫！——问：右边有吗？
3、陈远，和老师做一样的动作！——我做不一样的！
4、陈远，下节课是什么？——我不说，你就生气吧？
5、故事书上汤姆不听话，杰克很听话，姥姥说要向杰克学习，他非说向汤姆学习。姥姥说不对，他说，对的
6、陈远，薯片分给小朋友吃吧？——我不分，我想小气！
   ......
现在发展到根本没有正常语言交流了，每句话都是这样
刚开始我给他讲道理，后来忽略，没控制住，越来越严重
以前就是一个很逆反的孩子，后来好了一个月，现在又开始了，而且一步步升级，用这种让我崩溃的方式折磨我。
我觉得，还是自己方法不对，或者道理没讲透，加上严重逆反期的综合作用，才会这样
各位帮帮我！
作者: 秋爸爸    时间: 2010-5-12 19:01
标题: re:呵呵，他挺棒的，要的就是折磨你，让你崩溃...
呵呵，他挺棒的，要的就是折磨你，让你崩溃，此时越讲道理越纠缠，越让他有成就感。
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-12 20:16
标题: re:那就继续忽略？
那就继续忽略？
作者: BMW    时间: 2010-5-12 20:20
标题: re:可以打的。
可以打的。
作者: BMW    时间: 2010-5-12 20:21
标题: re:i mean taxi.
i mean taxi.
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-12 20:26
标题: re:看4楼，我出了一身冷汗 再看5楼，放...
看4楼，我出了一身冷汗
再看5楼，放心了
还有，打的是什么意思
作者: BMW    时间: 2010-5-12 20:32
标题: re:比如说上街，走很远，说：阿远啊，我们打的...
比如说上街，走很远，说：阿远啊，我们打的吧。他说，不打。好，那就接着走。类推。
作者: mrgood    时间: 2010-5-12 20:36
标题: re:是啊，这也是回答呀。只是没有按照问者的意...
是啊，这也是回答呀。只是没有按照问者的意愿回答。
他在寻求成就感。
长期训练以来，孩子在进步，在一步步满足我们的期望和成就感，让人欣慰、希望和高兴。但是要不要反过来想一下，孩子的希望我们又满足多少呢？我们怎样对待他的成就感呢？
他当然会自发寻求自身的成就感。
作者: 枫叶16    时间: 2010-5-12 21:01
标题: re:陈远妈妈，我也是深受其扰，头痛之极...
   陈远妈妈，我也是深受其扰，头痛之极，在以琳你也见识过了。有时孩子真的是在向我们示威，他在挑战家长的忍耐。为此我请教过吴老师，吴老师说孩子的表现在儿童发展顺序里，称之为“自我意识发展阶段”。这个时候的行为，是想通过自己的行为得到别人的关注，或尝试改变别人的决定，以达到自己做主的目的，并满足支配别人后的心里成就感。当时吴老师的建议尽量忽视他不去理会他。或者什么都不说、不做，只是看着他，让他自己决定该干什么。适当接受一些他的行为，不去太多的关注。
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-12 21:22
标题: re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]BM...
下面引用由[U]BMW[/U]发表的内容：

比如说上街，走很远，说：阿远啊，我们打的吧。他说，不打。好，那就接着走。类推。


哈哈......

可是，这样的方法不是万能的：
陈远，该起床上学了
——我不要上学
那就不上了，正合心意
分点薯片给我吧
我不想分，我想小气
那就小气吧，正中下怀
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-12 21:24
标题: re:[B]什么都不说、不做，只是看着他，让他...
什么都不说、不做，只是看着他，让他自己决定该干什么。
适当接受一些他的行为，不去太多的关注。

非常好的建议，尤其是“适当接受一些他的行为，不去太多的关注”。
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-12 21:51
标题: re:还有，他需要的成就感，怎样合理的满足？
还有，他需要的成就感，怎样合理的满足？
作者: 宿宿    时间: 2010-5-12 22:02
标题: re:处于叛逆期的孩子，就是不想事事都顺着大人...
处于叛逆期的孩子，就是不想事事都顺着大人，他也有了自己的主见，不想凡事都由大人掌控。
即使是同一件事情，他提出来可以，你提出来，他或许不会满意。
在你跟他沟通时，稍微出现含有“教”的成分时（即使你已拐弯的说），孩子那敏感的心已觉察到你的想法(根绝以往的经验，接下来，你会这样、这样做)，所以，他会提前把他不那样做后，你的台词说出来。
沟通当中，试着陈述句多一些，再自然一些，不要目的性太明显。
既然他已经懂得了很多规则，可以试着给他一定的自主权。
作者: fearless    时间: 2010-5-12 22:07
标题: re:正在我一筹莫展的时候，居然看到我一直仰慕...
正在我一筹莫展的时候，居然看到我一直仰慕的家长和孩子出现同样的问题，心里面似乎释怀了很多！呵呵。。。。好象有点幸灾乐祸的嫌疑，抱歉！
作者: fearless    时间: 2010-5-12 22:14
标题: re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]枫叶...
下面引用由[U]枫叶16[/U]发表的内容：

   陈远妈妈，我也是深受其扰，头痛之极，在以琳你也见识过了。有时孩子真的是在向我们示威，他在挑战家长的忍耐。打我也打过的，但是最终是两败俱伤，他的情绪问题激烈爆发，家长的心绪跌至低谷。所以最好别打。...

学习了
作者: 方静    时间: 2010-5-12 22:15
标题: re:我真怕了无心，我怎么觉得是你折磨人呢？...
我真怕了无心，我怎么觉得是你折磨人呢？
这么好的孩子，我算看明白了，你自己不会弄，就说他有问题。
作者: mrgood    时间: 2010-5-12 22:20
标题: re:在以琳，反正有时间，真好试试什么都跟着他...
在以琳，反正有时间，真好试试什么都跟着他做，跟着他说，看着他，让他决定怎么做，然后积极加入其中，适当拐弯，把他想做的几件事满足一部分，不动声色地去掉一部分，让他体会一点成就感，更意识到选择后的放弃，服从后的成就感，可能比单纯对抗，包括打，要好些。
如果觉得累，可以穿插忽略，省事些。

说反话是好事，至少自我意识萌芽，要好好利用，不要打回去了。
作者: 圆猪比    时间: 2010-5-13 12:27
标题: re:你孩子多棒啊，这么说反话可不容易，首先他...
你孩子多棒啊，这么说反话可不容易，首先他得有自我意识，还得知道你要什么，清楚你想要他怎么回答，怎么做，他才能这么和你拧着来。
如果你平时多赞许他，多夸他，多认可他，高帽子又不用花钱买，多给他戴着，可能自我意识的表现就不会这么逆反了。
我女儿刚开始有自我意识的时候，总是说不要，什么东西只要是我们提议的，回答都是不要，因为她想主导事情了。然后我们平时总是在要求她规范她，人家烦着呢，我女儿语言表达很差，比你儿子不知道差哪儿去了，所以只会说不要。后来我改了，我惯着她，然后成为她的同盟，多和她商量事，尽管我女儿也不一定听得懂。她不愿意写字，因为我们总教她，不对，这样写那样写，她觉得挫败就不想写。后来她只要顺手杵个点，我都说，哇，宝宝真棒啊！写得真好啊！想写就写，不想写就算了。人家现在经常会想起来写几笔。画画也是，原来都手把手的教，现在人家废寝忘食每天画几十页。一丁点事儿都会来找我，仰着脸期盼着我夸张的表扬表演。所以如果是我对我女儿呢，我会这么说，
1、陈远，你的手指甲怎么黑了？—— 呦，看妈妈的手指甲怎么黑了，因为我到处乱抓抓了的，你的手指甲也有黑黑的吗？
2、陈远，你看，路左边有一辆甲壳虫！——看着甲壳虫大叹气，妈妈也想要辆那样的车
3、陈远，和老师做一样的动作！——看我和老师做得一样，做的好吧，表扬一下妈妈吧
4、陈远，下节课是什么？——妈妈怎么不记得下节课是什么了，我记性可真差阿（多演会儿，他想充能，想得到表扬，就会告诉你）
5、故事书上汤姆不听话，杰克很听话，姥姥说要向杰克学习，他非说向汤姆学习。姥姥说不对，他说，对的
6、陈远，薯片分给小朋友吃吧？——我看见那小朋友咽口水了，又不好意思找你要，他们竟然不知道你是最大方的人！
也许对你儿子不适用，共同探讨吧。
作者: mrgood    时间: 2010-5-13 13:57
标题: re:大致也是楼上的意思。陈远那么好的基础，可...
大致也是楼上的意思。陈远那么好的基础，可以更好地提高的。在以琳，老师也强调要对孩子从严要求，但不一定就是事事要求，有错必严究的状态吧。和孩子做朋友，了解他的所想和内心，玩成一片，慢慢可以体会到生活的乐趣，孩子的无邪。孩子在追求主导权呢。小小的换一下，在他主动发言时，附和他一下，这种不要钱的赞赏比食品好多了。

有时候担心孩子会不会被惯坏了。其实，当孩子真正和大人有很好的交流时，再慢慢给予限制，也就是从严要求，他可以逐渐接受的。至少他觉得你是可以依靠的，听从你的话后还是有快乐的。他就会不自觉地开始服从了。慢慢也开始学会让别人服从了。（当然还有磨合，如果别人不听，他怎么调整。）逐渐下去，就开始找家人外的朋友去寻求快乐了。他能够否决，说不，就是和孩子玩的基础之一，未必太担心。
作者: qinhantang    时间: 2010-5-13 16:04
标题: re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]无心...
下面引用由[U]无心[/U]发表的内容：
1、陈远，你的手指甲怎么黑了？——答：我也挤别人
   其实他是想说，我的手指甲被别人用门挤了，我也要挤他
2、陈远，你看，路左边有一辆甲壳虫！——问：右边有吗？
3、陈远，和老师做一样的动作！——我做不一样的！
4、陈远，下节课是什么？——我不说，你就生气吧？
5、故事书上汤姆不听话，杰克很听话，姥姥说要向杰克学习，他非说向汤姆学习。姥姥说不对，他说，对的
6、陈远，薯片分给小朋友吃吧？——我不分，我想小气！
...

看了楼上的对答，多可爱的孩子。正所谓“最喜小儿无赖，溪头卧剥莲蓬”。这些正是可爱的小儿形态！
家长如果为此忧虑甚至要去强力“矫正”这些语言和行为，应该有一点点“执拗”。
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-13 23:32
标题: re:今天上网一看，这么多重量级的跟帖，让我受...
今天上网一看，这么多重量级的跟帖，让我受宠若惊！
方老师，就算我折磨了大家一把，但我这抛砖引玉，是不是也相当划算？

陈远在自我意识方面基本是比较正常的，说反话的“话龄”也有至少一年了
我对他说反话，真的一点都没觉得可爱，珍惜就更没有了。
我为这件事苦恼、困惑，也不是把它当作错误要矫正的，我觉得要纠正的肯定是我，孩子的行为来自大人的塑造和影响

周围也有几个这样的孩子，妈妈们都深受其苦
就像刚才，我为孩子擦屁股，我说，把屁股撅高点
他说，我要低一点，我没吱声，他也还是不情愿的撅高了屁股，还问：低了会怎么样
我不能接话，不然就中招了，我若说，低了就擦不到，你屁股上就还有屎粑粑。他一定就会接茬说：我要屁股有屎粑粑。
我不是有耐心的人，脾气也急，有时真的巴掌都高高抬起了，又控制住，轻轻的落下
下午，我问，刘老师受伤了，很疼很害怕，我们要带什么去看她？答：鞭炮

郭大夫说过，要建立行为动量（就是好的行为惯性）。
可我感觉怎么陈远现在一直在坏的行为惯性里，他不停的往前滑，但我控制不了。
家长的大局观和掌控力很重要。
上面的帖子，我反反复复看了不下10遍，每一遍都让我茅塞顿开
明天我要拿给小柯妈妈分享



作者: 方静    时间: 2010-5-13 23:58
标题: re:首先打你一巴掌，今天刚和大家说了，自理是...
首先打你一巴掌，今天刚和大家说了，自理是最重要，你却还替他擦屁股？你让他自己去擦，自己去感受屁股不干净的感觉不行吗？
作者: kwenma2    时间: 2010-5-14 02:23
标题: re:无心，你遇到的是跟我同样的问题，...
无心，

你遇到的是跟我同样的问题，同样的儿子，只是我儿子没有你的儿子那么会说。顶多他会说不，而且外加不好听的话表示他的愤怒。那是两年前的小Ｋ的真实写照。


他们这种孩子给人的感觉是不容易服从，服从性差。事实上他们内在很可能属于焦虑型的，他们比较容易生气，你还觉得没有怎么着他就愤怒了。他们属于相当敏感的一类，情绪控制的门限比较低。那么针对小Ｋ的情况，在教育方面我采取的一些方法，其实上面很多都提到了。其实我觉得就是“以柔克刚”：
（１）我感觉你对孩子说话的方式－－－命令型的太多，婉转型的太少。ＲＤＩ里面最初有一个训练父母的项目就是“学会说话”。要陈述评论多一些，问句少一些；间接的多一些，直接的少一些；婉转的多一些，命令的少一些，大致就是这个意思。

比如小Ｋ做仰卧起做，我希望他做到５０个，当他做到３０个时，我不说“要做５０个。”，我会说：“呵，今天一下子就做了３０个，你要是做到５０个，我会不相信我的眼睛。”
（２）任何时候做什么ＷＯＲＫ时，要让他感觉你与他同在。因为他们一般有很强烈的为难情绪；
（３）忽略有时候是需要的，但是有时候你可以用戏耍的方式来回应，当然不是他所希望的反应。
（４）多夸奖一些，及时鼓励，形成正循环；
（５）当正循环形成后，逐步加入一些“非得用的命令”来锻炼他的情绪的控制，属于脱敏吧？
（６）另外有一种地板时光的手法“ＲＥＰＬＡＹ”专门讲到如何用戏耍的方法来对付情绪问题和脱敏。详细的可以搜寻ＧＯＯＧＬＥ，用“ＲＥＰＬＡＹ　ＡＵＴＩＳＭ”应该有回应。
（７）另外一些不会对他造成多少伤害的例子中等他去犯错误，让他在错误中去学习。比如方姐姐楼上叫你让他自己擦屁股，擦不干净，他自己会不舒服。他屁股不太高，没擦干净自己屁股痒，会来找你，那时你在来跟他讲道理。

所以很多方面我们如果注意，他们应该能够逐步好转的。试一试，可能对陈远有用？

其实，我说的“以柔克刚”是从方姐姐那里学来的。小Ｋ不是顺毛驴，但是去年在青岛在方姐姐手上顺得出奇！现在方姐姐就在你身边，赶快去讨秘方吧？
作者: kwenma2    时间: 2010-5-14 02:27
标题: re:网上搜到的关于ＲＥＰＬＡＹ的一点简单介绍...
网上搜到的关于ＲＥＰＬＡＹ的一点简单介绍，有书（如果能读英文）。
book   "Replays: Using Play to Enhance Emotional and Behavioral Development for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders", Karen Levine, and Naomi Chedd (2006), Jessica Kingsley Publishers, London, England.

AMAZON有卖的。
======================================================================================================================================

Replays: A new play based technique for helping children with WS with emotional and behavioral challenges
Most children with WS are blessed with happy, sociable, charismatic personalities.  At times, however, many children struggle with anxiety, fears and intense responding, creates emotional and behavioral challenges for the child, family and school.  Common triggers for strong emotional responses include the following:  

•        Sensory overload, especially heightened sensitivity to sounds, resulting in anxiety and fear.  Such responses may have begun in response to specific issues (e.g. fear of balloons popping or being among loud, screaming children, leading to fear of birthday parties ; fear of thunder resulting in fear of any rain storm or even cloudy skies; or even developing school phobia due to fire drills or loud, unpredictable public address system announcements.)Some children develop a heightened sensitivity and have extreme emotional reactions in response to tactile experiences (e.g. getting a haircut;; having nails trimmed or wearing certain items of clothing)

•        Intense sadness in response to seemingly minor ‘sad’ events such as the end of a favorite TV program or movie,  or the departure of a friend.

•        “Contagious” or extreme responses to others’ emotions, such as crying in response to seeing someone cruor hearing sad music, becoming anxious or upset in response to a teacher scolding another student.

•        Dramatic, negative emotional responses to seemingly small frustrations (e.g. sharing  toys,  turn taking or  being told ‘no’; unexpected intrusions into a favorite activity)


There are many interventions for such challenges, including teaching relaxation strategies, implementing sensory integration therapy, adapting the environmental, providing positive behavioral supports and using visual aids (e.g. picture schedules and Social Stories TM to help the child understand the sequence and nature of potentially upsetting events).  For some children, medication may help reduce anxiety and/or intense emotional responding.  All of these approaches used alone and in combination can be useful.

Replays is an additional new ‘tool’ that can minimize, even eliminate intense emotional responding, through fun, interactive symbolic play. Parents, teachers and therapists across all disciplines (Speech therapists, Occupational therapists, Psychologists etc) can learn and use this technique.  It integrates play therapy methods with what we know about the roles of interaction, communication and play by which typically developing children develop regulatory capacity. Replays is especially effective for situations that once were truly aversive for the child, such as putting on shoes for an infant or toddler with heightened sensory sensitivities, and to which the child has developed a learned pattern of intense responding, even though the child’s sensitivity level has improved.  

How do you do Replays?  The adult playfully acts out, with props and the child, everyday situations that are predictably troubling to the child.  The child increasingly participates in these re-enactments, taking on different roles, experiencing small but tolerable amounts of negative emotion triggered by the events and paired with fun, high affect replaying, with a trusted adult (parent, teacher or therapist).   Gradually the trigger situation becomes much less potent for the child who, through practicing and developing  new affective memories, becomes able to tolerate and participate in previously aversive experiences.

Unique to Replays is that the child’s own intense emotional responses, such as crying, wriggling away, or pushing away the aversive trigger (e.g. shoes) are incorporated into the re-enactment, but with playful affect.  The goal of Replays is to help the child decrease intense upset responses and develop more adaptive responses.  Incorporating undesirable behavior into what the adult ‘models’, while at first counterintuitive, allows for direct work with the child’s emotional system, beginning with emotional responses the child knows well and gradually shaping them to more adaptive responses.  It is important that the behaviors playfully incorporated by the adult, include only those behaviors frequently exhibited by the specific child and  never new undesirable behaviors.  Hence the adult is not ADDING to the child’s repertoire of negative behaviors, but rather is using the child’s common responses as a ‘starting point’ in play with the child, to help work through and desensitize the child to the trigger event.   

Why does Replays work? This kind of play fosters immediate emotional recognition from the child, as the adult-driven re-enactment reflects a very familiar experience sequence.   This playful demonstration of intense responding is highly motivating and amusing to the child, who increasingly wants to participate. Replaying such a familiar sequence enables the child to re-experience the aversive event and their own response in a slowed down and happy, interactive format in which they have increasing control.  Once their own intense responding decreases, the child is able to engage in the ‘correct’ behavior, such as putting on shoes or sitting calming through a haircut.

For children who can process at a more advanced level, Replays stories, incorporating the child’s intense responses along with a resolution, can be created. This allows the child to ‘reread and review their experiences as often as they like or request this from adults.   Through repeated, interactive, playful re-enactment, children become desensitized to ‘trigger’ aspects of dysregulation, form new emotional memories and master their responses to the event.  For many, this process occurs remarkable quickly.

Many behavioral challenges based in intense emotional responses to seemingly small events can be resolved in one or two sessions.  Parents can quickly learn these techniques and practice at home, just before predictably upsetting events, such as a visit to the doctor or a birthday party. For some children, the process may take much longer and require numerous repetitions and manipulating certain aspects of the Replay, such as coming up with several alternative happy endings.

We have been using Replays for the past 8 years in our clinical practices with great success and very positive response from families.  We began using it with typically developing young children around everyday upsets such as putting on snowsuits and diaper changes.  We then expanded it to children with a variety of different developmental disabilities including Williams syndrome and, most recently with children with autism.

Unlike most behavioral interventions, Replays is fun for the adults as well as the children, and creates a series of happy interactions around events that have had negative associations for parents as well as children. Alleviating parent and/or teacher stress around ‘trigger’ events likely contributes to improved child regulation as well.

We have found that Replays can reduce the impact of many events and situations that were - originally based on sensory issues but have become learned patterns.  These include tantrums in response to dressing, taking medicine,  putting on Band-Aids or getting a haircut.  Children with obsessive-compulsive (OCD) tendencies (e.g. extreme reactions to changes in routine, broken or missing toys, out of order objects, making mistakes, or not being first), and those with phobias also respond positively.  Children just discovering mischief are likely to respond quickly while more complex, internally driven regulation problems may require multiple approaches.  We have also found that Replays while based in pretend play, can be effective even for children who appear to have limited symbolic play skills. We hypothesize that this is because the scenarios being ‘replayed’ are so familiar and have such strong emotional salience to the child and hence require less abstraction -- or less of a symbolic leap.  

Background Developmental and Research Literature;
The model for Replays, which integrates  several bodies of clinical and research literature, is briefly outlined below.  There is not yet a full understanding of why intense emotional responding is common in so many children with WS.  However, we do understand some of the developmental processes that occur with children who do have this characteristic.  ALL typically developing infants show intense responding and little capacity to soothe, with great variation regarding when and to what extent self-soothing/self regulation develops.  Often parents can calm infants through a combination of interactions -- soothing voice, calming facial expressions, gentle and secure holding -- as well as sensory soothing , such as swaddling in a blanket, bouncing or turning. What works for agitated and upset children varies considerably but parents by necessity quickly learn how best to soothe their infants!  Toddlers are also intense responders (hence the ‘Terrible Twos’) but become increasingly able to use language, symbolic play and interaction to help them become more emotionally regulated and less reactive.  
While young children with WS are often able to use some of these typical interactive and sensory tools with their parents, common delays in language and pretend play may reduce their capacity to develop emotional regulation. They may also be  biologically predisposed to responding more intensely. Due to their challenges in plan and communication, many young children with WS have more dysregulated systems coupled with reduced capacity for regulation by accessing the tools used by typically developing toddlers use .
When a child experience an intense physiological response to a ‘trigger’ event (e.g. balloons popping at a birthday party), their fear of such an event is more likely to continue, even escalate, rather than diminish.  It is also likely to ‘spread’ to associated events such as the birthday party, itself, whether or not there are balloons present.  Once the upset has passed, neither the anxious child nor the weary parent attempts to revisit or relive the event.   So the next time it comes up, the child and parent continue to have the same or even increasing negative responses , often awaiting the event with fearful anticipation days or weeks in advance.
Replays addresses and revisits the event and the child’s reaction.  The technique uses the ‘language’ of the child’s familiar emotional experience sequences, highlighted with familiar props and made playful and motivating through high affect interaction with parents, counselors or teachers. Replaying the event repeatedly in a fun and often exaggerated manner helps the child form new emotional memories associated with prior ‘triggers’ for dysregulation.
Replays can be used in conjunction with other approaches simultaneously in order to address the same kinds of regulation- based behavioral challenges.  Complementary approaches include positive behavioral supports, Social Stories TM, sensory integration, environmental adaptation, and communicative supports, such as PECS and Assistive /Augmentative Communication (AAC).
Example of Replays

Joey, a 4 year old with strong emotional response to many different sensory experiences, hates having his haircut.  His parents have tried every way imaginable to accomplish the unpleasant task -- doing it at home, at the barber, with Dad only, even while he’s asleep -- and still Joey gets fearful, angry and out of control as soon as he realizes what is happening, .  His OT has suggested desensitizing his head to touch with various playful head rubbing games.  This has helped him tolerate wearing his hat outside and pulling his shirt over his head, but has not reduced the trauma of getting a haircut.  The behaviorist suggested telling Joey he would get a reward after the haircut.  He liked the reward but it did not keep him from getting upset during. His teacher and Speech Therapist made a Social Story explaining with pictures the process of getting a haircut so Joey would be familiar with all the steps involved. Joey likes to look at and hear the story, but it didn’t help him control his intense behavioral response when the actual haircut began.

Then they tried Replays.  They first showed Joey that it was time for Elmo, his favorite companion, to have haircut, and they took out a play scissors.  Joey got a little anxious at the mention of the word, haircut, and seeing the play scissors, but his father quickly began the playful re-enactment, sitting Elmo in a chair, exaggerating cutting sounds and actions with the scissors, then having Elmo playfully yell “NO NO NO HAIRCUT!!!” while kicking and shaking his head, just as Joey did in the same situation.  Joey looked to his father and smiled, instantly recognizing the scenario.  His repeated the same sequence, very slowly approaching Elmo and saying,  “Time for your haircut,” and then making Elmo once again playfully imitate Joey’s typical response “NO! NO! GO AWAY!” shaking Elmo as if he were having a meltdown.

During the Replay, Joey’s father watched his response closely to make sure he was enjoying it and not scared. He hesitated before resuming the play, and Joey brought over the toy scissors and gave them to his father to get him to do it again.  This time his father put the scissors next to Elmo and waited, then   Joey laughed, saying “NO NO NO!” and grabbed Elmo, making him kick and wriggle.  Joey replayed the scenario over and over, about 15 times, each time with great delight.  His father then gave the scissors to Joey and put Joey’s hand to his own head, while playfully saying “NO NO NO HAIRCUT”, assuming the part of Joey.  Joey comforted him, saying “It’s OK Daddy” and his father pretended to calm down as Joey “cut” his hair.  His father then had another pretend upset and Joey again ‘calmed him down’.  The family replayed  the same sequence several times in the days before the next real haircut and included  Joey’s big sister and mother in the play.  Joey especially enjoyed when the other family members had pretend tantrums; he took the lead and calmed them down.  Joey’s speech therapist also joined in and put together a quick “Replays Story” about haircuts, using pictures she had on her computer, including several of crying children , She added the familiar words, “NO NO HAIRCUT” and then resolved the story with a smiling child sitting calmly for a haircut and then getting a Spiderman sticker and popsicle, two of Joey’s favorites.         

Joey’s parents decided to then try cutting his hair for real at home.  They did many Replays in the morning and read the story with him, and then amazingly, when they got out the real scissors, Joey went right to the chair where they had been playing and sat through the haircut without any apparent problem.  Of course his story ended with a sticker and Popsicle, too, as well as a smile and feeling of pride.
Some FAQ’s:

WHEN should you do replays:  In general Replays seem to be most effective when the child is NOT upset and repeatedly, just before the upsetting event will occur.  For minor upsets around frequently occurring events (e.g. diaper changes) sometimes you can do Replays as the event is just beginning.  Once a child is truly upset however, simply calming him is key before any other intervention is likely to be helpful.

WHAT can replays accomplish:  Replays can’t fix all behavioral or emotional challenges for every child.. For example, Replays will not  fix hyperacusis, the oversensitivity to sound common in children with WS have. However, Replays can help with the secondary fears, the build up of anticipatory anxiety and the degree of upset a child with hyperacusis may experience. That is, a child afraid of noisy, popping balloons, may respond positively to Replays and may no longer fear birthday parties or even touching and playing with but may continue to melt down if a balloon actually pops, and  get anxious watching someone blow up a balloon..  

WHAT IF the child becomes fearful or upset during the play?  Sometimes when one is playing through a typically upsetting event, even in a silly, pretend manner, the child may actually become upset.  This is an indication that the adult should make the play even more playful/silly and more removed from the actual event though symbolic play For example, if a child has a fear of people coughing, the adult may first try to have a doll pretend to cough and the adult (or another doll) pretend to be afraid.  If the child continues to get upset, they can switch it to a non-person figure (e.g. Thomas the Train, Winnie-the-Pooh) and use a sneeze instead of a cough. You know you are ‘getting it right’ when the child laughs with recognition but is not afraid.  Then the adult can gradually work Thomas’ sneezing into whisper coughs or a quiet, in-between sound the child can tolerate, gradually getting closer to a real cough.  

Can anyone do Replays with a child?  Parents, therapists, teachers and other caregivers can all do Replays.  For some children and some issues it is very straightforward, fun for all, and works quickly.  For more complex issues or with children with especially intense responding, or for adults for whom this sort of silly play does not come naturally, it can be helpful to work with a play therapist.  Such a partnership can help the parent or teacher to fine tune or combine Replays with other approaches.

Many more details, examples, strategies and FAQs can be found in our new book Replays: Using Play to Enhance Emotional and Behavioral Development for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, Karen Levine, and Naomi Chedd (2006), Jessica Kingsley Publishers, London, England.

Please note that while the title refers to autism, the technique is useful for children with intense emotional responding who are typically developing or have other developmental disabilities including WS.

We hope you find Replays fun and helpful for your child or the child you are working with.  Feel free to contact us with questions, success stories or problems you run into.
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-14 20:47
标题: re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]方静...
下面引用由[U]方静[/U]发表的内容：

首先打你一巴掌，今天刚和大家说了，自理是最重要，你却还替他擦屁股？你让他自己去擦，自己去感受屁股不干净的感觉不行吗？


该打！
不能再自欺欺人了。
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-14 20:54
标题: re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]kw...
下面引用由[U]kwenma2[/U]发表的内容：

无心，

你遇到的是跟我同样的问题，同样的儿子，只是我儿子没有你的儿子那么会说。顶多他会说不，而且外加不好听的话表示他的愤怒。那是两年前的小Ｋ的真实写照。


他们这种孩子给人的感觉是不容易...


感谢kwenma2的分析，对我很有帮助
技巧、方式加耐心，可惜这3方面我都没处理好。
作者: jinglenn    时间: 2010-5-14 21:23
标题: re:听方姐的口气，孩子应该属于语言认知能力很...
听方姐的口气，孩子应该属于语言认知能力很好的。

“就像刚才，我为孩子擦屁股，我说，把屁股撅高点
他说，我要低一点，我没吱声，他也还是不情愿的撅高了屁股，还问：低了会怎么样
我不能接话，不然就中招了，我若说，低了就擦不到，你屁股上就还有屎粑粑。他一定就会接茬说：我要屁股有屎粑粑。”

第一步做对了，第二步没做对。

我们要做的忽略不是全面忽略，而是有选择有计划的忽略。孩子说“我要低一点”，这个行为不正确，你也不可能满足孩子，忽略是不错的办法。确实也讲，孩子讲这个话的目的并不是“提要求”，而是在获取你的注意力，希望从你这里得到他所期望的反应，不回应就正好切断了强化源。

第二步分，孩子说“低了会怎么样？”这个问题，除非他是刻板（就是每回到这个时候都问一样的问题），否则还是应该要回答，因为是一个正常的问题，属于正常的沟通范围。你估计孩子会说“我要屁股有屎粑粑”，也没关系，这个时候可以采用和前面一样的对策“忽略”，也可以满足他，让他屁股上有屎粑粑。我想以孩子的认知能力，他应该不喜欢这种感觉吧。等他不喜欢这种感觉，他要求你来替他擦屁股的时候，你就可以借机再问他，“擦屁股的时候，屁股应该要怎以样啊？”等他回答了“抬高”，并且真的抬高屁股的时候，你才替他擦。

“下午，我问，刘老师受伤了，很疼很害怕，我们要带什么去看她？答：鞭炮”
类似于这种回答，也别生气。对策也有很多种选择，一个老方法“忽略”；二则，以后在提类似问题的时候，给选择题，别给疑问句“我们去看刘老师是应该送鲜花呢？还是水果呢？”；三则，在这个基础上扩展对话，不过扩展对话就要学会装傻。“不是只有过年的时候才放鞭炮吗？现在又不是过年？”“看病人哪里有送鞭炮的？你受伤的时候有人送你鞭炮吗？”“我觉得送鲜花会比较好，可是我不知道应该送什么花，你说呢？”。。。。。。。别觉得孩子是跟自己对着干，自己还盯着他对着的那个问题上出不来；你要是能做到装傻听不出来，他的行为就达不到目的，就能实现自然过度。郑老爷子的名言啊“难得糊涂”，有的时候挺管用的。
作者: 枫叶16    时间: 2010-5-14 23:13
标题: re:楼上各位的发言，也让不知所措的我...
    楼上各位的发言，也让不知所措的我受益匪浅。是不是每一个孩子都要经历这样的阶段？看来我们总要讲求各种方法在悄无声息中对待孩子的问题，千万沉住气，仔细分析，灵活以对。
作者: 无心    时间: 2010-5-15 13:45
标题: re:[QUOTE][B]下面引用由[U]ji...
下面引用由[U]jinglenn[/U]发表的内容：

听方姐的口气，孩子应该属于语言认知能力很好的。

“就像刚才，我为孩子擦屁股，我说，把屁股撅高点
他说，我要低一点，我没吱声，他也还是不情愿的撅高了屁股，还问：低了会怎么样
我不能接话，不然就...


感谢这么细致的分析！
我明白了
是我太刻板了，不会变通
很期待您7月底来以琳的讲座，相信到时会有更多惊喜！




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