The Spanking Debate
By Natalie Lorenzi
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The Bottom Line
No parenting issue sparks more debate than spanking. Although the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) discourages all corporal punishment, an estimated 90 percent of parents have spanked. Yet most of those parents are not pro-spanking. According to a study from the State University of New York (SUNY) at Buffalo, 85 percent of those who spank would rather not. While some parents advocate spanking and others shun it, most Americans fall somewhere in between. Here, experts respond to four families' stances on this emotional issue.
More from HealthyKids.com
How to Introduce Discipline
Are You Raising a Spoiled Brat?
When Should You Start Disciplining?
Quiz: Are You Encouraging Aggressive Behavior?
More on Discipline Methods
No-Spanking Policy
We have never spanked our children, and we never will.
Dave Taylor and his wife, Linda, of Boulder, Colorado, have never raised a hand to their children, Ashley, 10, Gareth, 6, and Kiana, 2. "We're both very concerned about how violent our society is. We don't want to have that come into our home," Taylor says. But he is careful to point out that no spanking doesn't mean no discipline. The Taylors use time-outs and logical consequences when their kids misbehave. For instance, after their son deliberately broke a chair, he had to use his allowance to replace it. "I bet that's a more impressive lesson than me pulling him over my knee and spanking him," Taylor says.
The experts respond: According to the AAP, taking away privileges and issuing time-outs yields better results than spanking. "The AAP doesn't endorse spanking, because it is not effective in the long term, can hurt a child's self-esteem, and can cause physical harm," says pediatrician William Coleman, MD, of the Center for Development and Learning at the University of North Carolina, in Chapel Hill, and chair of the AAP's committee on psychosocial aspects of child and family health.
"Parents who don't spank their children still discipline; they just do it in ways that don't involve hitting," says Elizabeth Gershoff, PhD, assistant professor at the School of Social Work at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor. Although some parents may equate spanking with discipline, Gershoff says the two are not synonymous: "Discipline is teaching; spanking is punishment."
Ex-Spanker
I once believed in spanking -- not anymore.
Linda Doty, of St. Louis, Missouri, mother of Katie, 23, Amber, 21, Sarah, 10, Jadyn, 4, and Raena, 2, spanked her oldest daughters when they were little. "I was a young mother, and I thought spanking was just what was done," she says. Doty knew experts cautioned against lashing out in anger, so when she found herself chasing her daughter up the stairs to give her a spanking, that was her "lightbulb" moment. "How can this not be in anger? I'm chasing her for it," Doty says. "It was the last time I ever spanked."
The experts respond: Doty is certainly not the only parent who has spanked in anger and frustration. According to the SUNY study, 85 percent of parents report feeling angry and agitated when they spank. And those emotions can be difficult to rein in. "The intensity will continue to rise if the parent continues to be physical," says Dr. Coleman. And that increases the risk of abuse.
Gershoff agrees. In 2002, she analyzed 88 different spanking studies and found 10 negative outcomes in those who are spanked -- including higher risk for aggression and abuse of their own kids or spouse down the line.
Robert Larzelere, PhD, associate professor of human development and family science at Oklahoma State University, in Stillwater, cautions that spanking in frustration sends the message that "if you're frustrated, you can just lash out at whoever you're mad at." And that's not a lesson parents want to teach.
Regretful Spankers
We spank but wish we didn't.
Ken and Molly Crandall, of Nassau, New York, parents of Julia, 5, and Jackson, 3, never thought they would spank. "We knew we didn't want to raise an aggressive or bullying child," says Ken Crandall. So why do they resort to spanking? "We've used it when we're at the end of our ropes," he says. But spanking hasn't worked for them. "It gets Julia to respond out of fear, and we just don't feel right about doing it. Plus we feel guilty when we punish her." Although they'd like to stop spanking, "to say that we won't resort to it again -- we probably can't say that."
The experts respond: Gershoff has seen similar scenarios with other parents who spank and later regret it. "They realize the contradiction between what they're saying and what they're doing. Children begin to fear their parents. And when parents see that, some of them decide not to hit anymore."
"Almost all of us lose it," says Linda Pearson, RN, a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, in Lakewood, Colorado, and author of The Discipline Miracle (Amacom). "But instead of swatting, why don't we substitute consequences?" She advocates using time-outs, withdrawing a child's privileges for misbehavior, and rewarding good behavior with "goodies." When parents lament about their disrespectful kids, Pearson asks why they continue to allow their children to watch favorite television shows and have their friends over to play. "Parents forget that a child has to earn these special treats." And rewarding good behavior yields far better results than spanking, she says.
Pro-Spanking
We believe spanking works.
"An effective discipline regimen has a variety of things -- time-outs, separating kids from activities, logical consequences -- and we use spanking too," says Jason Berggren, of Atlanta. When his boys, Aiden, 4, and Logan, 2, are defiant, Berggren and his wife, Lisa, give one warning. If the boys don't comply, they get a spanking. Immediately afterward, the Berggrens discuss the reason for the spanking with their boys.
The experts respond: Larzelere condones conditional spanking -- reasoning first, nonphysical punishment second, and if a child is still defiant, then an open-handed, two-swat spank on the buttocks for kids ages 2 to 6. But he adds a crucial caveat: "If parents are at risk for getting out of control, they need to do something to calm themselves down."
Once parents lose control, however, it's not always easy to get it back. The AAP reports that 44 percent of parents spank because they "lose it." And even if a parent could deliver a spanking calmly 100 percent of the time, spanking is simply not effective over time. "If children are hit, they'll stop what they're doing right away. But they will not stop in the future," Gershoff says. "When people say that spanking works, they're probably spanking and doing something else. They get the child's attention by spanking, and then they talk to the child about what he or she did wrong. Hitting, unfortunately, is one way to get a child's attention, but there are lots of other ways." Speaking in a stern tone of voice or touching a child on the arm are nonviolent alternatives for getting a child's attention. Of her own children, 4 and 2, Gershoff says, "One of the things I'm always trying to teach them is to not hit each other. Why in the world would I hit them if that's the message I'm trying to teach?"
Time-Out Tips
Many parents turn to spanking when a time-out goes awry. Pete Stavinoha, MD, pediatric neuropsychologist at Children's Medical Center of Dallas, offers these tips for getting the most from time-outs:
1. Before a Time-Out
Praise your child for good behavior.
Role-play a time-out (when your child isn't in trouble), so he'll know what to expect.
2. During a Time-Out
Be firm and in control, not overly emotional.
Don't give your child any attention -- positive or negative.
If your child refuses to stay in time-out, try holding her in the time-out until she's calm, without cuddling.
The time-out should end whenever your child is calm and ready to make the situation right again. A general guideline: one minute per year of her age.
3. After a Time-Out
Don't rehash the infraction.
Have your child pay restitution, such as apologizing or completing a task that he should have finished before. Then give him a clean slate. 作者: binfeng2000 时间: 2007-1-27 04:42 标题: re:(关于家庭规矩的培养)Intro... (关于家庭规矩的培养)
Introducing Discipline
The whats, whens, and hows of disciplining your young child.
By Pamela Stock
Introduction
Discipline, undeniably one of the most important elements of parenting, is also among the most misunderstood, difficult, and anxiety provoking. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline: The First Three Years (Prima Publishing, 1998), points out that often parents are afraid of being too permissive and they're afraid of being too tough.
Discipline is complicated, especially with babies younger than 2 who don't communicate very well. And it's important to remember that discipline is not a synonym for punishment, Nelsen points out. Discipline is less about playing the tough cop and more about playing the kindly teacher. Here's an approximate time line for introducing routines, rules, and general good behavior.
First Year of Life
0 to 4 months: Pamper your infant
With babies younger than four months, it's important to respond quickly and consistently. This ensures that they stay healthy -- promptly changing wet diapers, for instance, reduces the likelihood of diaper rash. Consistently meeting baby's needs also makes him feel more secure: It shows your baby that you can be relied upon. If you establish this bedrock of trust in infancy, your baby is more likely to accept limits later on.
4 to 6 months: Get in the groove
At this age, parents can begin setting limits. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents should use "generally structured daily routines." If baby can rely on these routines, he's less likely to fuss or struggle. Routines should help calm your baby and encourage him to behave, but should be flexible enough to accommodate his emotions.
Here is an example of a diaper-changing routine:
1. Baby lies down and holds a certain toy.
2. You sing a certain song while changing the diaper.
3. After you're done, he gets a kiss.
You can also establish routines for bathing baby, strapping him into his car seat, and feeding him dinner.
6 to 12 months: Lay down the law
Parents can begin teaching house rules around six months, when the baby starts to comprehend cause and effect. A baby this age can memorize actions and reactions -- when I turn the cup over, the juice pours out -- but she's not yet able to fully control her behavior.
The mantra until then: Be patient and consistent. Though babies under a year old don't understand what "no" means, they do respond to the tone of a parent's voice and can be redirected. In fact, redirection -- also known as distraction -- is the most useful tool from now until age 2. For example, find a toy or move your baby to another room to get her away from the stairs.
Baby in Motion
Any time from 8 months on -- and definitely by baby's first birthday -- he can get himself into trouble. Soon after he's crawling or walking, however, the danger grows. He can suddenly climb up a bookcase, pull out electrical cords, and knock things off a table.
More effective than screaming "Get away from that!" is taking baby to another room while telling him that a chair is for sitting on. While a 3-year-old may understand a lesson in how the chair can fall over and hurt him, such reasoning won't work with a 1-year-old -- that's why distraction is vital.
Set up "activity stations" in areas where there's the most potential for baby to get in trouble -- small boxes of toys in the kitchen, for example. That way baby can be redirected when you are on the phone or trying to fix a meal.
Age 1 and Up
1 to 2 years: Try patience
Now that he's officially entered toddlerhood, you will need to learn new techniques for setting limits.
Toddlers, unlike younger babies, understand some of the explanations for why they can't behave a certain way, but they still aren't able to control themselves. For the child who grabs toys, a parent should distract him with another toy or help him "take turns." The best technique for dealing with tantrums is waiting the child out, remaining calm and firm.
2 and up: Time for a time-out
Concepts such as sharing are puzzling for a child under 3, as are explanations linked to time, such as "You can color when we get back from the store." Your toddler wants to color now! These tricky concepts won't help you distract your toddler, because she doesn't understand them. And because they don't mean much to her, you shouldn't think she's misbehaving, either.
Once a child passes age 2, discipline gets easier. She can finally understand why she shouldn't do something. Parents should begin introducing mild punishments (mainly time-outs) for when the child knowingly behaves badly.
Remember that discipline is a somewhat imperfect art. So don't be too hard on yourself if you find you're saying "no" more than "yes," or punishing your child for a crime he doesn't even understand. Discipline, after all, is about teaching, and parents and kids learn together.
The information on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical advice or care. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family doctor. Please consult a doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's condition.
Are You Raising a Spoiled Brat?
Kids running you ragged? It's time to rethink discipline.
By Charlotte Latvala
What Is Spoiled?
No one wants to raise a spoiled kid. But would you know one if you had one? By grandparents' definition, all of today's children -- with their Disney videos, Baby Gap wardrobe, and Gymboree classes -- could be considered spoiled. Also, few parents have the iron hand of previous generations, and for the most part that's good. But sometimes in the effort to be kinder, gentler parents, moms and dads let their sweet little darlings get the upper hand. Some parents put up with truly awful behavior.
Of course, all toddlers interrupt, whine, and throw tantrums, says Rex Forehand, PhD, coauthor of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child (McGraw-Hill, 1996). Those behaviors are normal ways for kids to assert their independence. What's important, he notes, is how parents react. Spoiling occurs when kids are predominantly in charge in the family. The parents have minimal authority, and kids continually get their own way by acting up. In other words, your child isn't spoiled because he whines; he's spoiled if whining consistently works to get him what he wants.
Granted, all toddlers have bratty and less-bratty days, says child psychologist Sal Severe, PhD, author of How to Behave So Your Child Will Too (Viking, 2002). And all parents have days when they cave in instead of standing by the house rules. But when whining, nagging, and misbehaving to get their way becomes a constant, repetitive behavior, you have a problem, says Severe.
To figure out where you stand, ask yourself the following questions:
Do you usually give up in exhaustion rather than enforce limits during a typical day?
Do you let your child regularly butt in and take over adult conversations?
Do you keep buying toys in an effort to avoid tantrums and keep your child happy -- even though your house is already overflowing?
Do you avoid taking him to the supermarket because you can't handle another embarrassing scene?
If you answered yes to more than a couple of these questions, you may be looking at a spoiled child in the making.
It's important to address spoiling now because you're setting up patterns that will stay with your family for years to come. If your 20-month-old has never heard the word no, for instance, how will she handle hearing it when she's 13 and wants to get her navel pierced?
Spoiled kids are those who never had a chance to handle disappointment early on, says Claire Lerner, a child development specialist at Washington, D.C.-based Zero to Three. The lessons they learn as toddlers -- delaying gratification, acting within limits -- will carry through to adulthood.
Why Spoiling Happens
Too much sugar, too many toys, and not enough rules are some of the main ingredients of spoiling. But why do we do it? Here are some of the most common causes.
1. You feel guilty. Today's family dynamics often set the stage for spoiling, says Gail Gross, a child development specialist in Houston. In families where both parents work, or in single-parent homes, the feeling is, "I have so little time with my child, I want it to be fun." Guilt-ridden parents tend to overindulge and underdiscipline their kids, she adds, which makes home life anything but pleasant.
2. You don't have the energy to be consistent. One day you refuse to let your child have pudding for breakfast, despite the tantrum; the next day (when you've been up all night with the baby and are exhausted), you think "Oh, it won't kill him," and give in. Such behavior teaches your child that rules aren't for real.
3. You offer too much help. When a toddler is frustrated, many parents want to jump in and help right away, says Lerner. (Rushed, stressed-out parents do the same thing.) Kids get spoiled because they start relying on Mom or Dad for everything -- getting dressed, finishing a puzzle, fetching a juice box. Your goal is to encourage your child to do things for himself, so he can say, "I can handle this" -- not do it for him, notes Lerner.
4. You want to give him everything you didn't have. Of course, buying stuff for your kids is fun, especially when they move beyond the playing-with-the-boxes phase. But giving kids too much can backfire, leading them to always be looking for the next new thing instead of being satisfied with what they have.
5. You believe he's the ultimate cutup. We've all seen parents who smile as their kids talk back, push other children, or knock over breakable objects. These parents are clueless about how to stop the behavior, so they rationalize it as being cute and funny, points out Severe. It's easier to do that than to face the problem. Other people, however, are much less charmed. And kids who aren't given limits have a difficult time respecting other people and their belongings.
Unspoiling Your Child
The good news is that now is a relatively easy time to reverse the spoiling. For starters, experts agree that parents should set consistent limits; toddlers who have clear boundaries feel secure and are less likely to act out with bratty behavior.
It doesn't really matter what the rules are; it's how consistently you apply them, says Severe. With a toddler, it's best to stick with just three or four nonnegotiatble rules, like "No hitting," "Don't interrupt adults," and "Pick up your toys," because too many orders can overwhelm kids and adults.
If your child throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way, try to ignore the wailing until it's over. Once your child learns that he won't get the desired attention, he'll be less likely to repeat it. Redirecting is another great ploy. Try diverting your toddler's attention by getting him interested in something else, like his favorite toy.
As difficult as it may be, try not to look at tantrums as a sign of being a bad parent, but as a chance to nip spoiling in the bud, says Lerner. Be firm and clear: "I love you and I'm sorry you're mad, but I'm not giving in and you can't hit or throw things when you don't get your way." It also helps to acknowledge his feelings of frustration. Saying something like, "I know it's really hard to stop playing but it's time to go home," validates his feelings and can make him more cooperative.
It may be tough to resist spoiling now, but the payoff will be huge. Your child will learn how to manage feelings, cooperate, follow rules, and have self-control. These lessons will be beneficial throughout your child's life.
The information on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical advice or care. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family doctor. Please consult a doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's condition.
Quiz: Are You Encouraging Aggressive Behavior in Your Child?
By Karin A. Bilich
Many children experience strong feelings of anger and some opt to express them physically. But as a parent, you can have some influence on how your child handles anger. Are you taking the helpful steps to prevent aggressive behavior in your child?
1)When your child hits another child during an argument:
I punish him immediately
I think "kids will be kids"
I don't pay much attention
2)Have you set firm limits on what angry behavior is and is not allowed?
Yes, and I hold her to it
I've set limits, but I've let her slip on occasion
I've never really discussed that with my child
3)Have you conveyed these limits to babysitters and other caregivers?
Yes
I hadn't thought of it
I haven't set limits
4)Have you given your child ideas on nonaggressive ways to convey anger?
Yes
No
5)Do you ever express pride in your child's toughness?
Yes
No
6)Do you ever use spanking as a form of punishment?
Yes
No
7)How do you tend to resolve conflicts around your house?
Peacefully
Aggressively
It varies
8)Have you made an effort to teach your child about controlling his actions?
Yes
No
9)How well do you control your own temper?
Very well
Somewhat well
Not very well
10)Do you provide your child positive feedback when she settles disputes peacefully?
Yes
No
11)Do you acknowledge and accept your child's angry feelings?
Yes
No
12)If you want your child to apologize for hurting another child:
I encourage him to apologize by explaining that he hurt someone
I force him to apologize or else his punishment will become more severe
You've done a pretty good job discouraging aggressive behavior in your child. However, if your child has a tendency toward violence, you might want to ask yourself these questions. Have you set solid and consistent limits about the ways that anger can and cannot be expressed? Have you encouraged your child to convey anger through words? Have you insisted that she take time to compose herself before expressing her feelings? Instilling self-control in a child is a difficult task, but it can help him for a lifetime.
Source: Caring for Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (Bantam, 1999)
Introducing Discipline
The whats, whens, and hows of disciplining your young child.
By Pamela Stock
Introduction
Discipline, undeniably one of the most important elements of parenting, is also among the most misunderstood, difficult, and anxiety provoking. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline: The First Three Years (Prima Publishing, 1998), points out that often parents are afraid of being too permissive and they're afraid of being too tough.
介绍
规矩，毋庸置疑是家庭教育中最重要的元素之一，但他同时又是极易被误解，做起来相当困难并使人焦躁忧虑的问题。《积极的训诫:前三年》（Prima出版，1998）的作者Jane Nelsen指出，父母们经常会害怕过于放纵孩子或对孩子过于严厉。
Discipline is complicated, especially with babies younger than 2 who don't communicate very well. And it's important to remember that discipline is not a synonym for punishment, Nelsen points out. Discipline is less about playing the tough cop and more about playing the kindly teacher. Here's an approximate time line for introducing routines, rules, and general good behavior.
定规矩是非常复杂的，特别是对于那些还不能很好的交流的未满2周岁孩子。Nelsen指出，定规矩不是惩罚的同义词，他扮演的角色更多的是慈爱的老师而不是凶恶的警察。下面是一个大体的用于介绍，引入常规，惯例，和大体的好的行为的时间表。
First Year of Life
0 to 4 months: Pamper your infant
With babies younger than four months, it's important to respond quickly and consistently. This ensures that they stay healthy -- promptly changing wet diapers, for instance, reduces the likelihood of diaper rash. Consistently meeting baby's needs also makes him feel more secure: It shows your baby that you can be relied upon. If you establish this bedrock of trust in infancy, your baby is more likely to accept limits later on.
出生第一年
0到4个月：纵容你的宝贝
在宝宝还不到4个月的时候，坚持快速的回应（宝宝的需求）是十分重要的。只可以保证他们健康的生活——举例子来说，快速的换尿布可以减少宝宝的皮疹的几率。坚持一贯的满足宝宝的需求也能使他感到更安全：因为这样做会让宝宝觉得他们可以依赖你。如果你在婴儿时期就这样打下了良好的基础，你的宝宝就会在今后更有可能接受你对他的种种限制。
4 to 6 months: Get in the groove
At this age, parents can begin setting limits. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents should use "generally structured daily routines." If baby can rely on these routines, he's less likely to fuss or struggle. Routines should help calm your baby and encourage him to behave, but should be flexible enough to accommodate his emotions.
Here is an example of a diaper-changing routine:
1. Baby lies down and holds a certain toy.
2. You sing a certain song while changing the diaper.
3. After you're done, he gets a kiss.
You can also establish routines for bathing baby, strapping him into his car seat, and feeding him dinner.
4到6个月：进入状态
在这个年龄段，父母可以开始设置限制。根据美国小儿科报告，父母应该应用“大体的构造的每日惯例”。如果宝宝可以遵循这些惯例，他就不易反抗或是挣扎。这些惯例应该帮助孩子冷静并鼓励他们去表现自己，但是，这些惯例一定要灵活变通以便顺应着孩子的情感。
下面是一个换尿布的惯例的例子：
1宝宝躺下并拿着某一个玩具
2当你换尿布的时候唱着某一首歌
3当换完尿布时，你亲吻宝宝
你也可以建立其他的惯例：洗澡，放孩子到他的车座上，喂他晚饭。
6 to 12 months: Lay down the law
Parents can begin teaching house rules around six months, when the baby starts to comprehend cause and effect. A baby this age can memorize actions and reactions -- when I turn the cup over, the juice pours out -- but she's not yet able to fully control her behavior.
The mantra until then: Be patient and consistent. Though babies under a year old don't understand what "no" means, they do respond to the tone of a parent's voice and can be redirected. In fact, redirection -- also known as distraction -- is the most useful tool from now until age 2. For example, find a toy or move your baby to another room to get her away from the stairs.
6到12个月： 制定规则
当宝宝开始理解因果关系，大约在六个月时，父母就可以开始教家庭规矩了。这个年龄段的宝宝能记住行为与对应的反应：当我把杯子倒过来，里面的橙汁就会洒出来——但是他这时还不能完全控制她自己的行为。
颂歌唱到：要耐心要坚持。尽管不到一岁的宝宝不懂得什么是“不”，但他们去会对父母的说话的语调做出反应，改变行为（重新被父母引导其行为）。事实上，重新引导（宝宝的行为）也叫转移注意力法——它是从现在到2岁前最好用的方法。例如，找个玩具或是把孩子带到另一间屋子从而让他远离楼梯。
Baby in Motion
Any time from 8 months on -- and definitely by baby's first birthday -- he can get himself into trouble. Soon after he's crawling or walking, however, the danger grows. He can suddenly climb up a bookcase, pull out electrical cords, and knock things off a table.
More effective than screaming "Get away from that!" is taking baby to another room while telling him that a chair is for sitting on. While a 3-year-old may understand a lesson in how the chair can fall over and hurt him, such reasoning won't work with a 1-year-old -- that's why distraction is vital.
Set up "activity stations" in areas where there's the most potential for baby to get in trouble -- small boxes of toys in the kitchen, for example. That way baby can be redirected when you are on the phone or trying to fix a meal.
活动中的宝宝
从第8个月开始到一岁生日，宝宝就开始自制麻烦。自从他会爬到会走，危险就开始出现。宝宝可以突然爬上一个书架，拔出电线芯或是击翻桌子上的东西。
与其尖叫着“远离椅子！”，不如告诉把宝宝带到另一间屋子并告诉他椅子是用来坐的，这样更奏效。一个三岁的儿童也许能从椅子翻到自己会受伤这一事故中吸取点教训，但是一个1岁的孩子是无论如何也不可能做到这点的，这也正是转移注意力法为什么这么重要了。
在宝宝极有可能有麻烦的地方设置一些“活动场所”——例如，在厨房里放一个盛满玩具的盒子。通过这种方式，你就可以在打电话的时候或是做饭的时候转移宝宝的注意力（以免其受到厨房里的伤害）。
Age 1 and Up
1 to 2 years: Try patience
Now that he's officially entered toddlerhood, you will need to learn new techniques for setting limits.
Toddlers, unlike younger babies, understand some of the explanations for why they can't behave a certain way, but they still aren't able to control themselves. For the child who grabs toys, a parent should distract him with another toy or help him "take turns." The best technique for dealing with tantrums is waiting the child out, remaining calm and firm.
1岁和1岁以上
1到2岁：试着耐心
此时是孩子正式进入学走路的阶段你需要学习新的设定限制的技巧。
初学走路的孩子已经不像婴儿期那样，他们开始懂得为什么不能做某事，但是他们仍然没有能力控制自己。对于抢夺玩具的孩子，父母应该用另一个玩具转移他的注意力或是帮他“换一下”。最好的抑制发脾气的方式就是等孩子离开后，保持平静。
2 and up: Time for a time-out
Concepts such as sharing are puzzling for a child under 3, as are explanations linked to time, such as "You can color when we get back from the store." Your toddler wants to color now! These tricky concepts won't help you distract your toddler, because she doesn't understand them. And because they don't mean much to her, you shouldn't think she's misbehaving, either.
2岁及2岁以上：
在3岁以下，孩子对于像“分享”这样的概念是很费解的，他们对某些关于时间的概念也是如此。比如你对他说：“当我们从商店回家后你就可以画画了。”但是你的初学会走路的宝贝现在就要画！这些难以理解的（时间）概念是不会帮助你转移孩子的注意力的。因为他们根本不懂时间概念，所以你就更不应该认为他们现在就画是错误的行为。
Once a child passes age 2, discipline gets easier. She can finally understand why she shouldn't do something. Parents should begin introducing mild punishments (mainly time-outs) for when the child knowingly behaves badly.
Remember that discipline is a somewhat imperfect art. So don't be too hard on yourself if you find you're saying "no" more than "yes," or punishing your child for a crime he doesn't even understand. Discipline, after all, is about teaching, and parents and kids learn together.
孩子两岁后，规矩就变得简单易行了。孩子最终会明白为什么她们不应该做某事。当孩子们明知故犯时，父母应该开始引入轻微的惩罚。